Friday, February 27, 2009


I am rather new to this whole blogging thing but overall I believe that ya gotta be original. However from time to time ya'all are gonna have to bear with me as I include things that catch my fancy.

For instance:
I think everyone has always had the daydream where all the stars aligned right for them and the most stupendous thing that could ever happen, happens. Shoot Hollywood has made millions and billions off that very notion.
Well just in case Mr. Gates or the ghost of Howard Hughes or some wealthy benefactor just happens to be in a generous mood and just happens to be wandering through the this corner of the internet.
This is my Dream Home ( not house : A house is a structure. Home: home is where you are happiest.)

Cave house for sale in Festus, MO

Posted: 20 Feb 2009 06:23 AM CST

$300,000 is the starting bid on this eBay listing for a three-bedroom home built in a 15,000 sqft cave in Festus, MO, formerly a concert venue that entertained the MC5, Ike and Tina Turner and Ted Nugent. Sounds like a hell of a place to live (and you gotta feel for the family that's losing their dream). It's got three freshwater springs and there are fourteen waterfalls on the property. Yowza.

On May 19th, 2008, the City of Festus approved our occupancy inspection for the cave. Officially, this completed our project. There are still projects that can be started, completed and developed. Plenty of room in our 17,000 square foot home.

This is now where we live, work, raise our family and celebrate life! Here are a few of the details about the place: Historic, regionally famous cave: 15,000 square feet, divided into three main chambers.

The front chamber houses the main part of the 3-bedroom finished house.

The middle chamber holds the laundry room, storage, and a spare bath. The middle chamber made a great party room. 80 feet by 80 feet.

The back chamber still has the stage where Ted Nugent, Bob Seger, Ike and Tina Turner, the MC5 and many other bands performed.

Property: 2.8 scenic, partially wooded acres provide excellent privacy and the feel of the country right in the middle of town, just several blocks from shopping, dining, and other conveniences.

Energy efficiency: Geothermal and passive solar keep the home comfortable year-round without a furnace or air conditioning. In spite of the vast size of the home, our energy costs here run about the same as they did in our 800 square-foot starter home. The home naturally stays a little cooler than the average above-ground home, but we found that we acclimated quickly and easily.

Unique Cave Home over 15,000 sf. Beautiful setting

Caveland US (Thanks Fipi Lele!)

Oh and all praise and thanks goes to Boing-Boing for the article: visit them they are awesome

"I'll take that bet, you're gonna regret, cause I'm the best that's ever been."

Man, 28, Dies After 'Guzzling' Viagra During 12-Hour Romp

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.


I had a whole 'nother post in mind this morning after waking from the oddest dream (JayCee Leigh and I were living in the 3's company apartment (platonic) and she was the press secretary for a newly recreated and darker Michael Jackson.)

I don't make them, people, I just dream them.

Anyway, I ran across this and my first thought was "Good Bet".I don't know if I would have tried THAT hard though, the 2 girls have to bring something to the table as well.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


fail owned pwned pictures
Maybe this was at the OJ trial? Not sure but really don't think so.

fail owned pwned pictures
OR just ask me.

fail owned pwned pictures
I don't know, nothing really beats fresh from the spigot.

fail owned pwned pictures
"Mommy, where do babies come from?"
"Well dear, there is a Ginormous Elephant in Iowa. Each week they cram a HUGE oil funnel up it's ass and it craps out little bundles of joy."

yeah.. I kinda like the stork story better.

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures


I have a dear friend who is currently being harassed by a crazy psycho guy via texting. Of course, naturally, I want to grab a couple of goons I know and go “break” the news to this guy. In my youth this would have already happened (Hell, I took out my ex-brother-in-law while on the clock at work when I was 17.) but now days everything is all legalized and sanitized.
You just cant go hunt a person down and play pin the tail on the dirtbag with a nail gun anymore. The good ol’ days where someone got a beat down for their birthday and the situation was resolved is long gone. *sniff*

Made me start think of celebrities and the paparazzi.

GOD! How do they take it?
I know that some celebrities encourage it *coughpariscough*
Come on! Seriously?! I pick my nose and scratch my ass, as I am sure each person in the world has done at one time or another. (Usually not at the same time, though)
I certainly wouldn’t want my own personal gold mining expedition trying to pull my tighty-whities outta my nether regions on the cover of People.
Or have a headline in the rags reading “ ZOMBEE farts – How will the effect his current position.” “Oprah sends charity money to investigate fart research in Zombee’s name.”

I do not CARE if George Clooney knows how to cross the street on green.
I do not CARE if Brad Pitt is slurping a mochachino.
I do not CARE if Jennifer Aniston is wearing a blue tank-top to Starbucks.
I DO CARE if Angelina Jolie is eating a banana (but that’s different.)

The there are the orc hoards that fall upon these people as they just try and run through their mundane lives with their children. I agree with wassherface, Julia Roberts. Leave the poor kids alone. Keep them out of the shot.
Show some class here.
Ok so you get an extra 200 bucks if you can get a picture of Britney holding her kid upside down.

Good for you!

Now that kid has a picture of his mom he can marvel over when he is in Promises freaking out because NO ONE EVER LEFT HIM ALONE.

But that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I am MIDDLE-MAN dun dun duh

A week ago, Princess High and Mighty went out and got herself grounded. Not a rare occurrence but hey, she lied to Wildcat so she is punished. Eazy-peazy. The way things work at our cave is the person who creates the punishment is the one who controls the punishment.
I am (not by nature but by choice) as honest as I can possibly be. I can, however, appreciate the construction and execution of a well-crafted lie. I will trust you but if you lie to me and expect me to be an idiot about it, then you will get the punishment you deserve.
Anyway – off topic (mind keeps wandering away)
PHM was grounded and told she could not go to “THE DANCE.” She was cool with that because her current “BF” had been suspended so she had no date.
Last night marked the end of her grounding and all of the sudden, yup you guessed it gentle readers, she wanted to go to “THE DANCE”. So I am now used as the middleman as both PHM and Wildcat are incapable of discussing things between each other without both tooth and nail coming out.
PHM texts and calls me (at work) to convince Wildcat to let her go. I, doing my job as part of the parent team, back up Wildcats decision. PHM pleads her case well to me and that her mom isn’t listening to her. I explain to her that she needs to cool her jets, explain the same things to her mom, not me and actually listen to the responses.
I then call Wildcat and get her side of the story. I explain to her that she needs to cool her jets, explain the same things to her daughter, not me and actually listen to the responses.
Back and forth, forth and back it goes like this for about an hour.
Drama, tears, anger, all kinds of emotions are thrown at me across the phone lines. I am bobbing, weaving, deflecting and dodging them like a talk-show ninja.
Just as the smoke starts to clear and I am getting nice and settled in for a refreshing vegetative state, I get one more call. It’s PHM saying that her and Wildcat had talked and she is going to “THE DANCE” and I need to come and get her.

Yes. That’s right! PHM and Wildcat were calling me yet they WERE AT THE SAME PLACE! I was at home and they were both at the In-laws house. Now I had to go to this place and retrieve my daughter and take her to a friends cave to get ready for this dance.

There is no good way to end this epic tale as this is not a rare experience but an ongoing occurrence.
Remind me to tell you about the bowl of cheese.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Just pondering some heavy stuff.

Eden and the Bible

First off, let us start with Eden. Now, I do not have my Bible right here in front of me but from memory, Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel in the Garden of Eden. Cain became the very first serial killer by killing of 25% of the population so God told him to hit the bricks. Cain was then sent to the land of Nod where he found a wife.
Who says that Eden was on Earth? Let us say that Eden was on Mars or was Mars and Nod was what Earth is. Then when Cain came to Earth, he found…what? What could he possibly find on the planet that was close enough to his species to call “wife”?
This is where Theology and science come together.
I believe that Cain is that missing link that everyone has been talking about all these years. He is the mitigating factor that bridges the gap in primitive man.
Cain hit the planet, found a chick and they started to breed. Then along came Mom and Dad and wasn’t there a Seth too? They were eventually booted out too and started breeding themselves. This, as an aside, really shows how stupid and selfish humans are as a species even from the start.
This explains the science we have found (dinosaurs, homoerectus, cave paintings, etc.) and coincides with what the Bible says too.
So why all the arguing? I know I cannot be the first person or the last to think of this.

This leads me right into my second point, the Holy Bible. Humans are a selfish, ignorant, self-serving, parasitic species (as a whole). It has been written in ancient history that the Holy Bible, while divinely inspired, was assembled and translated by man.
That means…
Man chose which books to be included and which to be excluded. Other books and gospels were available to be included. However, man chose the ones they liked the best, which fit together the best into their ideas of this book and excluded the rest. Some were preserved by people thinking, no, knowing that this information was crucial and should not be lost to the ages. Hence, the Dead Sea scrolls.
Kings and Popes oversaw all the transcribing from the ancient languages into the Latin that was used by the church. So picture this, here sits a King reading a passage and he comes across a section that he does not like. Maybe it gives too much hope to the people; maybe it conflicts with something he has done in his life, whatever. Therefore, he tells the Pope and the Pope tells the monks to rewrite it.
And they do.
Now I know you are going to say, but Zombee what about the Pope having more power then the Kings at that time? Besides, the church would not allow something like that to happen.
Well, I would respond with, THE CHURCH USED TO SELL THE EXTRA “GOODNESS” THAT SAINTS HAD CREATED. That’s right! They did. They figured that a Saint was so saintly and good and they had done so much good in their life that they had to have leftovers. They would then sell these slips of paper to the common folk as a “get out of Hell free” card. The papers (I forgot their name) were for sins not yet created by the person who bought it.
Maybe you didn’t hear me,
The Holy Church, ran by the Pope (duh) would sell forgiveness to people in advance of the sin. It was this very thing that sent ol’ Marty Luther over the edge and created the reformation and established the Lutheran church and the Protestant belief.
Now, that is just one example of the church over extending their boundaries. Don’t you think there would be more? Don’t you think that they would not think twice about dropping a sentence here or reforming an idea there while writing the Bible?

OK one more argument. You could take the stance that God would not allow the Bible to be changed into something he did not want it to be. Well, I do agree with that point. However, then you have to think of the free will that God has given us to make our own decisions.
I think he may have looked down, saw what they were doing to his word and thought, “Well, they are screwing that up too. Oh well, that is their decision. At least they have a bit of it right.”

Well, what do I know anyway

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Action Figure museum gallery

Wired's got a fabulous gallery of photos from the Toy and Action Figure Museum in Pauls Valley, OK -- the metastasized personal collection of one wonderful obsessive named Kevin Stark: "In 2000, Stark convinced the Pauls Valley City Council that the town needed a tourist attraction and the museum should be it. In 2005, it finally opened its doors. The museum seems a little out of place among Pauls Valley's other businesses: a gun store, a couple of gas stations, an insurance company or two."

Giant Midwest Mecca of Nerditude in Oklahoma (Image: Jim Merithew/

I went ahead and reposted this from the VERY cool site Boing-Boing because I went to this museum last summer. I was in dorkdom heaven. The number of action figures here is astounding. I think the fee for getting in is a bit steep for what you get but over all it was a worthy experience. Beast and I even got matching T-Shirts!! ( I am sucha dork.)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

MONEY... It's a gas.

Why doesn’t the government just sell of the space program and make it a public franchise? If it were a privately owned corporation in itself, we would already be populating the moon.
Not only would there be great leaps and bounds in the space program but think of all the taxpayers’ money that would be saved by not investing into a money pit that is mired down by the bureaucracy that created it.

It’s the same with the Post Office. With the increasing use of electronic, everything the post office is now hiking their rates again AND considering just delivering mail on 5 days instead of 6.
I say, sell them off to a corporation who can better handle the enterprise as a corporation and not just a division of the government. If they did that, we would get cheaper rates, faster mail and again LESS taxpayer money being used.

Many of these federal institutions are still around and being funded by our money because.
1. Someone is making a buck
2. That’s the way it has always been
Now I will grant you that there is some security in knowing that the government is watching over our mail and such and making sure, it gets to us.
Look at our government’s record of accomplishment on how they run stuff. If the government itself were a corporation, we would have been bankrupt and outta business a long time ago.
Some of the government branches are just aching to be stand-alone businesses ran to not just serve the public but actually turn a profit as well.

Friday, February 13, 2009

busting makes me feel good.

We moved into our current home about 2+ years ago and we have had “issues” since day one. The more notable ones have been…
I hear (just me, no one else) music coming from our master bath when no one else is home. It sounds tinny, like a bad speaker and it is localized to just this bathroom. I can hear it coming through the walls and I can hear it from the basement. I can even hear it when just sitting on the bed. It sounds so far away. However, when you go into the bathroom, there is no music. There are no radios or anything in the bathroom either.
I have watched doors open by themselves. For instance, I shut the living room closet, turned to talk to one of my offspring (they were in their room) and turned around to run face first into the door I just shut. At various times, I have fought doors to the garage and basement to both open and close. Trying to get it closed was like there was something stuck in the jamb and pushing on it you would get that bouncy-back movement from the door. Then it would just shut.
One time (not at band camp), I was lying in bed reading and waiting for the rest of the brood to come home. You know how certain sounds in your house you can immediately discern what is going on? I heard my front door open and boots come in. I heard the door slightly close as someone moved around the door to go into the kitchen. I heard the door close and the footsteps walk away from the kitchen and approaching the bedroom.
Then nothing…
I put my book down and sat there for a bit, waiting for Beast or PHM to jump around the corner.
I got up to investigate what in the world they were up to and, as you can guess by now, I was very alone. The front door was still locked and not a trace of anyone. I even went as far as hollering and searching through the house (not a big house, didn’t take too long). You know what I found?
That you can feel really stupid walking through your own house hollering and flipping on all the lights.
Finally, for now, I was getting ready for work one morning and had just woke up the Beast and went to the master bath. I took off my shirt (you have to be naked for showers) and I noticed this awful scratch on my shoulder. I stood there looking at it as it got redder and redder. I was mostly trying to figure out where it came from. Then, suddenly my left thigh started to throb AND BURN. I ignored it at first but then it started to really HURT.
I whipped off my house pants (yeah I wear PJs to bed, a habit born from 2 kids and not wanting to get dressed in the dark. Bite me) and on my thigh was an exact replica of the mark on my shoulder and I watched again as it grew angry and red and even wept some blood. I was injured in my own bathroom while getting ready to take a shower. That’s like spraining an ankle while watching TV!
Unfortunately, I do not have any pics of note to show but I do have witnesses to the marks themselves.
My buddy, Gears, bought me a smudging kit so “cleanse” the house. I haven’t used it yet. I am kind of curious to see what might happen next.

oh-toe go-toe Captain Solo

I know it has been a while since they all came out but I finally sat down and watched the STAR WARS SAGA (you have to capitalize it like that) from beginning to end. OK, OK I did not watch each movie in it’s entirety I do have some small resemblance of a life. (not really..)
Now that the SAGA is complete it really does put a completely new spin and prospective on 4, 5, 6. A New Hope is almost like watching a completely new movie now that I know all about the BAMF in the cape. I can see Obi-Wan in a new light and I can wonder what drove Yoda mad on Dagobah in such a short 25 years */-. There are only a few inconsistencies that bother me.
1. OK so you are Anakin and you are born of the Immaculate Conception on a desolate planet where you grow until you are about 9 years old. Then you get a chance to escape but your mom cant go (tears). So you run out, save the galaxy and then come back for her a few years later just to have her die in your arms. However, you did find out she married and you have a stepbrother named Owen.
Then WHY, in the name of all that is holy and good, why would Obi-Wan do such a bone headed thing, as give over Anakin’s child to Anakin’s only known relative in the whole known universe to raise? Granted Owen and Beru were not inviting Vader over for Thanksgiving each year but couldn’t Ben have found someone or somewhere more discreet then Tatoonie?
I can forgive this however, saying he was being very clever and hiding the child in plain sight.
2. Yoda taught Count Dooku who taught Qui-Gon-Jin who taught Obi-Wan who taught Anakin (pretty much). Then why in ESB does Yoda say that he cannot teach Luke he is too reckless and Kenobi says “wasn’t I when you taught me?” (I am paraphrasing here people cut me some slack for not direct quoting at 2:30 in the morning.) So at what time did Yoda teach Kenobi?

But this I can forgive as well, saying that after Qui-Gon was killed Even though Kenobi was a Master he still acted as Pupil to Yoda right before the clone wars.

There is really only 1 thing I can never ever forgive.
That’s just wrong!!
**stomping off in a huff***

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Sorry about that Chief

I am sure ya'all have seen these de-motivational posters around the web. I really like them. They make me smile and some ever (gasp) LAUGH.
Just wanted to share a few I had collected. not too many as this is just a puff post and I really am just phoning it in.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

From Ghost to Ghost

I have always been fascinated by the supernatural and I have experienced some unexplained things to warrant this fascination.
For instance:
I used to live in a house that a guy (who I just happened to know) had been trying to obtain for over a year. He finally got everything straight with the VA and the bank and all that then promptly passed away before he could obtain ownership.
Wildcat and I moved in about 6 months later and I started experiencing odd things pretty quickly. By far one of the oddest was rather mundane but freaky at the time.
I was on the porch at twilight changing the porch light (why didn’t I wait until daylight to change a light outside well for 1. I am rather lazy and a procrastinator so when the urge strikes I must strike immediately or it’ll never be done. There really is no number 2)
Anyway, I was out there on the small concrete porch ( and I use the term porch loosely, it was really just 2 steps and a small landing.) I was on a small step stool with my electric drill taking out the screws.
First one came out just dandy but as the 2nd one was coming out my drill bit fell out. Now the sun is setting and it’s getting darker by the moment, so I want to get this done. I pay very close attention to where the drill bit goes so I can get it later. I felt it hit the top of my right shoe and then heard it land in the leaves to the right of the stoop. “OK, I know where it is.” I thought and continued replacing the light bulb.
When I was done with the light (I used a manual screwdriver to finish) I stepped off the ladder walked down the 2 steps of the porch and started rooting around in the leaves for the bit. No Bit. Hmm odd. Ok so I went back up the steps into the house, grabbed my flashlight and yup you guessed it. Back down the 2 steps and back to the spot I KNEW the bit was resting. Grumble, grumble, root, root, root and still no bit. By now it is dark so I figure “screw it” (no pun intended) “I will just look in the morning.”
As I go back up these 2 steps, low and behold, there is the bit on the top step. As far away from where I was working as possible and laying perfectly vertical to the end of the step.
Like it had been placed there.
I just stood there gawping at it (yes there was indeed gawping involved). Finally, Wildcat asked me what I was looking at. I asked her if she had put the bit there, of course she hadn’t. She hadn’t even been outside.

That wasn’t the biggest weird I experienced there but definitely the most blatant. Reasonable explanation? Sure, knock yourself out.

I know what I saw and what I didn’t saw…um see.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Another of those "what about you" Emails

Greetings and salutations on this cold windy monday.
OK enough niceties now to the bone a gristle.
I received in one of those "answer these questions" emails and as i am a lazy cuss anyway, thought I would post my answers up here as well. I edited some of them out but don't worry, they were just the one's that had to do with the email. All the juicy goodness that is me is still intact.


When my dad died

Not really


2 – My intelligent and beautiful daughter
My cute and soulful son

Oh hell no!! I suck!

It’s a second language to me.




Physically? Not as I used to be.

Vanilla Bean


14. RED or PINK?

Not enough room here for everything but let’s go with my back.

My friends and My dad



The people in the next cube


Baking bread, Green Apples, a woman…

Some guy in Mississippi

Do arguments count?

26. Hair Color?
Dark Brown with some salt

Dark Brown

Used to but No



American Psycho II

Dk. Blue

Neither… Spring and Fall

Hot wet kisses that last for days

Sweet Potato Pie

Nothing. Apprehensive, sure. Scared, NO (well maybe clowns)

Bruce Campbell

I do both

Duma Key, The good guy, Book IV of gunslinger series

39. What is on your mouse pad?
I have no mouse pad. Optical Baby!


My kids giggling


Which home? What Year? Orlando, Florida I guess

I can “sense” where it would feel the best to rub on a person’s back

45. Where were you born?
Cheyenne, Wyoming

Friday, February 6, 2009

Rock and Freakin Roll

I had a neuron misfire and a memory came flooding back

I went to a concert here in Wichita with my best buds Blake and Buffy and some others. It was Pantera and Type O and we went in knowing it was going to be a rough crowd (well not the kind of crowd you would find at a Barbara Streisand concert.)
Anyway, the night started off on the rocky side for me to begin with, (women issues) so by the time we go to the coliseum I felt this mood fall over me (and I was as sober as a judge, too). Can’t quite describe it really but it was a rather self-destructive feeling and I grew rather quiet. My friends said that I had a “scary” look in my eye. I don't know. I do remember that stuff sounded under waterish.
Before the concert started, some jack-hole tried to steal my sunglasses. He made it 1 foot past me before I was tapping on the back of his head. He just smiled and sheepishly handed them back.
OK concert comes up and Type o is awesome. Great show! Loved it. It ended way too soon.
Pantera comes out and their sauce is weak! During their set, they had the front stage mosh pit that was going rather strong. If you have never been in a mosh pit or haven't seen one let me briefly describe it. There are two circles, 1 inside of the other going in opposite directions. The object of this dance is to bump into each other as hard as possible.
Stupid. (and yes I have done it, doesn’t change the fact its stupid.)
However, there were these whirlpool Mosh Eddies that would float across the coliseum floor as well. A fresh mosh pit would open up at random, move across the floor for a few feet and then disperse. I'll bet it looked really cool from the rafters. Like watching a tide pool of human bodies.
Well Blake, Buffy and I were standing there on the floor watching a couple of these whirlpools of flesh open up when it finally dawned on me. Given where we were on the floor and the proximity of the last couple pits.... I glanced behind us just in time to see our pit open and float toward us. I had just enough time to tell Blake to “MOVE!” and gave him a shove. Blake didn't even think twice about it, reacting on instinct, he braced himself as best he could (and Blake is no small guy either) and protected Buffy with his body. He held his ground as they both watched in horror as I was swept away. They both said later that Buffy even had to grab Blake to keep him from being swept away but one second I was there and the next I was just gone!

So, that was it. I was now caught up in the mosh pit and it was moving so fast, I could not get out. I have been in my share of pits before so I knew what to expect but tonight was not the night for this. I knew that if I went down it was going to hurt. I needed to get OUT. I knew which direction I wanted to go and I started acting before I even realized I had a plan. I shoulder hit one guy as he came by and at the same time, I stuck my combat boot out and tripped him. This caused him to fall, not very gracefully, but enough so that it slowed the other people coming toward me.
I then grabbed the guy going past me by the back of his shirt collar and shoved him in the direction I wanted to go. His momentum helped as he went stumbling and flaying toward the stadium wall. Ah the wall. I knew it had to be there somewhere.
I then stepped on and over the guy on the floor as I followed my human battering ram through the crowd to the wall. Once at the wall, I leap for the railing and with a jump and a grunt, I was able to climb up on the wall. Squinting into the dark into the sea of black T-shirts and flashing lights, I watched and watched until I found Blake and Buffy again. By this time the mosh eddy had dispersed completely and I was able to wade my way into the sea once again until I found my friends.

That is pretty much the only thing I remember from the whole concert.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Temper, Temper

I was just thinking on the way home about the horrible temper I used to have. It peaks its ugly face out now and then but for the most part, it is confined (sometimes actively).
When I was but a lad, I did not know how to control it. One time after church a friend of my mom's grabbed me and threw me over her knee (just playing around of course) I have been told that I started kicking and screaming something fierce. It got to the point that by the time my mother made it there she had to tell the woman to go ahead and let go and then move quickly away. She had to shake me a bit until I was able to focus again. I was not just mad. I WAS RAGE.
Actually now that I think about it, once I started smoking it really helped me get a handle on this problem. With this beast inside me, I have shattered clipboards against walls, leapt into the air just to dent a metal slide with a punch and there are others but honestly, I cannot really recall them. The world literally goes red for me and I am gone. It's really rather scary.
One time when I was like, 19 or so I was out and about with two of my friends (Smith and Jones) and a tag along buddy Scotty. Scotty and I were in the back seat and I was wearing my trademark leather fringe jacket. Scotty had decided that it would be funny to tie this golf pencil into one of the leather strips on my jacket. I asked him nicely not to do this. I asked him many times. I warned him even “don't do this”. Finally, he was done and quite pleased with his work.
I was mad.
I then spent the next 15 minutes trying to untie this pencil from my coat (getting madder and madder as the time progressed). Once done, and I remember this vividly, I smiled at Scotty. He smiled back and giggled. I smiled back and held the pencil up as if to say “looky!” He giggled again. I then spun the pencil in my fingers and slammed it point down into his thigh. Calamity ensued and that was the end of that. Scotty moved over as far as he could from me and nursed his injured leg.
Later I had learned that a discussion had taken place up front about the incident, about who would have one in an actual fight. Jones mentioned to Smith “ZomB ought to be more careful! Scotty's a lot bigger then him and he wrestles, so he's got all that muscle” to which Smith replied “Yeah, true! Scotty has some meat on him but ZomB's crazy. Nothing short of knocking him out is gonna stop him and more then likely he would have tried to kill him.”
Jones thought about it a bit and agreed.

Why do I remember this so vividly? I keep it fresh in my head to remind myself of where I can go and where I don't want to go. Proud of it? No. Why would I be? Luckily, now days I have mellowed due to time, age, the aforementioned smoking, and my temper rarely rears its head.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Look for the Union Label


Oyi don’t get me started on the unions.
Too late!

Hate’em, Hate’em, Hate’em

Oh don’t get me wrong completely I KNOW that the unions had their place at one time. They made for a better working environment, conditions and pay for the blue collar worker. They made GREAT strides to making the workplace what it is today.
However, that time has passed…
Businesses now realize and know that it is not cost effective to toss out employees and keep replacing them. The training alone is expensive not to mention the cost of bringing a new person up to speed and keep production levels high. No, nowadays an employer knows that it costs less to keep an employee happy and employed then it does to “use ‘em up and throw them away”.
So why do we still have unions?
Because people have found out, they can make a living working FOR the union. Therefore, to keep themselves gainfully employed they keep the antiquated aspect of a union perpetuated through fear and intimidation.
I have worked in the airline industry and have experienced a union shop first hand.
I witnessed how a person would be promoted, not by how good they were at their job but by how long they had been doing their job.
I witnessed how a person could not get ahead in the company until everyone who was hired before them either retired or died.
I witnessed how if you were X and there was a part in a box you needed you had to wait for Y to receive it, J to inspect it, W to stock it and DD to go to the shelf and get it for you.
I witnessed how a person with seniority could come in and spend the first couple of hours of their shift reading the newspaper or gabbing while the “new hires” did all the work. If someone said anything about it, they would have a grievance filed against them.
I was actually taken aside at one point by the Union Steward in my shop and told that I was working to fast and hard and making other people look bad. I needed to slow down since “we all get paid the same, no matter if the job gets done or not.”
I was flabbergasted!
Stunned even.
I couldn’t make sense of it!
I asked him
“So you want me to do a poorer job because other people are too lazy to do a better job?” He just stood there and crossed his arms and glared at me.
I laughed in his face.
“HA” I said
“I have 2 speeds. Go and stop and if my go is faster then someone else’s then they have the issue not I.”
I then shook my head and chuckled to myself
and went back to doing my job.

Yeah, not being a fan of the unions in a industry ran city that breathes ( or breeds, whichever) unions is not a safe or reasonable position to take.

I still hate'em though.

Hate’em, Hate’em, Hate’em

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My Cast of Characters

Who lives in your head?
Everyone has various persona and personalities that govern how they handle various situations. I believe it was Freud who named them the ID, Ego and Superego. Well that’s just boring, so mine have actual full on personalities.
First off lets set the stage.
My higher function arena is best pictured as a huge rotunda, very nice indeed. All marble floor and polished woods and shiny brass. Looking up there are levels and levels of doors and bookshelves that hold all my memories. Just goes up and up and up. Some doors are so high you cant even see them (distant memories),Some doors have chains and locks, some doors are obviously well used.
In the middle of the floor is a large mahogany and gold (very ornate) table,Here is where the board of director's sit and make council.

The Board of Directors are as such:

ZomBee: This is the main man. The “me” in charge that everyone sees each day. He collects the information from everyone else. The CEO and owner of the company as it were.

Mr. ZomBee : (You have to say it like Agent Smith from the Matrix) This is the cold calculating logical side. All businessman. Picture him wearing pinstripe suit and power tie. Not a smile to be had from this bloke, just the facts.

Joker: Straw hat, Hawaiian shirt, thongs and shorts. Looks like a beach bum and is in his young 20’s. This is the party guy. The funny guy, the smart ass. The wild child and the impulsive man. For Dave it’s all about the joy and not a single consequence.

Jacky: This is the young 8 or 9-year-old child. Petulant at times, sure but views the world with wonder and awe and everything is “COOL!!”

Shadowman: Hokey name I know but this is my dark side. This is the guy that is made of cold steel. Anything that is undesirable that needs being done this guy takes care of. Picture him dressed like Hugh Jackman’s VanHelsing character. Cool dude who takes care of business. Everyone has their place but they each will take orders from him when he is on the job.

Dishc: This is the romantic, the hopeless romantic. He is the one who flips all the heart switches with abandon. He has not a care in the world just the need to obtain the love and attention of all those around. He is routinely beat about the head and shoulders by Shadowman.

RAGE : This is the caged beast of all things bad. All the base emotions (Hate, jealously, love, self-loathing, etc) squished into one slobbering maniacal beast. All the pent up emotions and frustrations and feelings are fed to Rage each day...with a very long pole.

There are certainly other vice presidents and such but these guys run the show, They are my board of directors and each has a say when needed. Sometimes one will step in and take over when David requests a full on assist rather then just relaying the context of a situation.
I know, why go through all this trouble to visualize and create such persona with such detail? Well for one, I have found it easier to shut my brain down for sleep. I just picture Shadowman herding a slew of memories into an open door and shutting it behind them then making sure everyone else is off for lights out. If I wanna shut down any reservations and just have fun, I will bring Joker up on deck. By visualizing my persona characters it makes them more accessible to my needs.

Then again I could also just be a nut-ball, I don’t know.
“ In a world gone mad the nut-ball is the sane one."

Monday, February 2, 2009

To beat a dead Horse

Please excuse the mess and some double-ups, I am condensing various other spots into this one. If you have read some of these before, then it’s corn. Just enjoy it a second time. Anyway, while I was talking to Hollywood I thought I might throw them a freebie
The Breakfast Club 2010
This is a movie I would like to see but I am also a sucker for a good cameo. This would be the breakfast club the next generation movie. Yeah I know the originals are old enough to be grandparents now but go with me.
The same archetypes of school kids except now the offspring are the opposites of what their parents were…
The Brain made lots of money so he his daughter is a Princess
The Jock wanted a son but got a daughter so she is Neurotic
The Delinquent’s son is the new Brain
The Princess had a life of leisure so her son’s a Delinquent
The Neurotic ended up going all holistic and health nutty and her son is the Jock

Make it the same movie but instead of being against 1 anal teacher, they rebel against the whole school. Making it more like a Ferris Bueller’s day off meets the Breakfast Club (yeah and name the principle Mr. F. Bueller). Wackiness ensues and through the movie the kids learn about themselves and each other (just like in the 1st movie). Then at the end their parents come and bail them out of a tight situation and that’s when we discover that the original Breakfast Club is their parents.

Told you I was sucker for a good cameo.
It would be a lil cheesy though if you could get Ringwald, Hall, Estevez, Sheedy and Nelson back to play the parents but pretty damn cool.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

HollyWood if she Could

Hollywood, what are we going to do with you? Are you truly that desperate for fresh and new ideas that you have to rehash some truly spectacular flicks?
I love Will Smith but come on!! Redoing the Karate Kid?
The Thing? Come ON!! Kurt Russell knocked that movie outta the park!
What is next? Gone with the Wind but set in the Gulf War?
A completely animated Casablanca?
I know, The Maltese Falcon but with KIDS!!
It’s a Wonderful Life but at Valentine’s Day.
North by Northwest with Vin Diesel as a homicidal lawyer with a debt to pay.

Some things should not be touched. They stand the test of time and are still just superb movies. Leave them alone!
Hollywood you get millions and millions of scripts a day, thousand of out of work writers and actors just dying for their big break. Start buying up these scripts for pennies on the dollar and having some script doctors smushing them together. You could get some excellent stuff.
OK here’s one to whet your appetite
Ya listening? I have your next big blockbuster with minimal budget. The idea is worth millions and it’ll only cost you 3 things
1. $125,000 up front and $125,000 on the back end. For that, I will sign over all rights.
2. A SUV and a sedan. Something in the 2007/08 year is fine. Saturn’s are ok but you can show your love and appreciation with a Lincoln.
3. A bit part in the flick. No talking necessary but it would be nice. Need a family of 4 for background noise? I gotcha covered.

Picture this….
Take Harold and Kumar go to white castle
Add to it Get Shorty
With just a dash of Jay and Silent Bob strike back
and sprinkles of….. Not gonna tell
Sound interesting? Want to know more?
Get your own ideas. Mine cost cold hard cash.