Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Snakes on a Plane

My sister is a great lady. I call her "Squeaky"*
She is short of stature and young looking and yet is 2 years my elder.
In fact many a time when she was raising her kids a person would come to the door and ask her if her mommy was home.
"I am the mommy" would be her response.
She has a massive snake phobia. To the point where she will not even touch a page of a book with a snake on it.
Of course being her little brother, this is something I MUST exploit.

Point One:
We were at the Denver zoo. Oh it was about 7 years ago or so.
We were walking toward the big cat exhibit, to which they were watering the plants outside of it.
I walked up next to Squeaky and very, very nonchalantly nudged and pointed to the garden hose
And said "Hey Squeaks, check out the snake." There was no alarm in my voice. Hell I was lighting a cigarette at the time. I was just being a pain in the ass.
I was expecting maybe a slug in the arm.
I was not expecting her blood curling scream as she throws her husband at the offending hose and dashed off into the building. Screaming the whole way.
I cried.
I fell down and wept tears of laughter for a good 20 minutes.
Oh how it hurt.
I barely remember the rest of the zoo as I would start chuckling to myself and laughing.
I'm grinning just thinking about it.

Point Two:
A few years later, we were at the Sedgwick County Zoo here is Kansas and we were walking toward the reptile house. Now this time I knew she was apprehensive about the whole "going in where THEY are" thing.
I could not resist.
There were seed pods from the trees lying around everywhere and they made a little rattle when you shook them.
Yeah, you know where this is going.
I handed one to my son who was maybe 6 at the time and said
"Take this to Aunt Squeaky and shake it at her and yell snake."
OK not to subtle but she wouldn't expect it from him.
So he did.
Not sure what I really expected to happen...
She screamed (not the little eek kinda scream but the whole lung "OHMYGOD THAT MAN HAS A BLOODY CHAINSAW!! Kinda scream)
And leapt onto her poor husbands back
Screaming in his ear.


Monday, March 29, 2010

poly tics = Lie Disease

Listen up people.
I hate politics so I am only going to cover this once (in a while)
The ONLY reason Obama made president is because having a black man as president would be a landmark event.
Race has everything to do with this.
I am able to say that I am not a racist,
to steal from “Full Metal Jacket” I find all race, religions and colors to be equally as worthless.

I feel that its not the outside that matters it's the engine that drives the machine that matters.

I think this country would benefit from becoming a 4 year elected monarchy.
Why not?
Sure it goes against everything our ancestors fought and died for... so?
Like what we have now is so much better?
How much more fucked up could it get if one person actually made full and complete decisions?
oooh accountability!!!
That's a naughty word.
Then at the end of their term they stood before a judicial council and were judged by how and what they did.
Good= get your library and maybe an ambassador job
Bad= hung like a pinata from the Washington monument.
How many people would then be clamoring for the job?
If there is even 1 then he cant get elected because he is obviously insane.
Oh. Wait... guess I am just too late on that last part.


Have you heard that the grieving father of a slain Marine had the audacity to stand up to those worthless fuck-stains who call themselves the Westboro Church and sue them with pretty much his last dollar because the picketed his sons funeral?
Now, since they won by hiding behind the 1st amendment, he has to pay their legal fees.
How many different kinds of wrong can something be?
What about defamation of character?
Cant those ignorant (by God there are not enough inventive and colorful adjectives to pour down upon the clueless fucks) ass-hats be held accountable for that?
I know the law protects all kinds of sleaze.
That's why they invented the word "vigilante"
ride posse ride.
Sometimes majority just means all the idiots are on the same side.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Obama Mama

Think of it this way:

A clunker that travels 12,000 miles a year at 15 mpg uses 800 gallons of gas a year.

A vehicle that travels 12,000 miles a year at 25 mpg uses 480 gallons a year.

So, the average Cash for Clunkers transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year.

They claim 700,000 vehicles so that's 224 million gallons saved per year.

That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil.

5 million barrels is about 5 hours worth of US consumption.

More importantly, 5 million barrels of oil at $70 per barrel costs about $350 million dollars

So, the government paid $3 billion of our tax dollars to save $350 million.

We spent $8.57 for every dollar we saved.

I'm pretty sure they will do a great job with our health care, though.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

My Awesomeness

I am heading down the highway, trying to get home from work,
when up ahead is a 17 and a ½ car pile up (the ½ being a Prius).
I slammed on the breaks and skidded to a stop which was a feat in itself as
the road was coated in blood. Even in the winter blood eventually cools and
black ice becomes blood ice. The situation does seem dire as there are
2 ambulances and a fire truck involved in the pile-up. Some of these people
must be dazed as they are walking around aimlessly. I’m no hero and I am of no
use here. I just want to get home. I see an opening and start to ease my car up
onto the shoulder and past this mess when I see a cop.


He seems to be standing in the middle of the road aimlessly directing traffic.
Even where there is none? What the hell? I sit there just idling for a bit as
I watch this guy, trying to figure out what he’s doing. Suddenly there is a
loud crash as this chick busts her head through the passenger side door.
Scared the crap outta me! I try to keep out of her reach but she is squirming
her way in, clawing at me!Panicking I jump from the car and scramble away.
Oh good the cop has noticed me! We start walking toward each other as I try
to explain what has happened and.. The dude is running at me.

Oh hell that aint right!

I turn to run from him and there’s 2 firemen and a suit, all bloody and shit
breathing down my neck. Twisting away I go the only direction I can,
I scramble on top of the fire truck and think “now what?!”
I survived though
I have the bruises and weapons to prove it.
I am pretty sure I have mentioned both of these before but here they are completed and combined. I am excited and honored to have my visage painted into such a cool idea. If you are a member of Facebook (and who isn't now days? I mean come on, my MOM is on there) I strongly suggest joining Shane Turners group.
Then you can choose between being a survivor or a zombie.
I was a zombie until inspiration drove me to be a survivor.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Trailor Made

OK FINE fuckit
click here to go there

I really liked the 1st one when I saw it in the theatre.
#2 was old cheese on moldy bread found in lunchbox from childhood.
the Alien vs. Predator movies have been "OK" kinda like flat soda.
right flavor but no buzz.
This one... really don't know yet.
Like the actors.
Like the director.

Cant wait for Potter in July though.
I am a fan of the books and of the movies (books over movies for me of course but I could stare at Emma Watson (Hermione) for hours and she is of legal age now so I don't feel all creepy about it.mmmm tasty)
However I was the dip-shit that read the books and forced the family to go see the 1st one and ever since then I have been tortured by the movies everytime they are on (like today) or the inclination strikes for the wife and girl to stare at Dan Radcliffe. Once the movies have completed this will die out some. Maybe down to a more not noticeable level.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Im sorry and what the hell.

You may have noticed that I am getting some wang-chung comments on my blog here.

I was interested to see what was being said

Now I did not think I was being trumped up with great accolades

but when this is translated

KK777一夜激情聊天live show成人自拍貼圖自慰少婦自拍裸體圖片台灣色情成人網站情人視訊網情色留言板視訊美女免費視訊聊天室限制級極度震撼情色論壇色情特區自拍裸女貼圖潮吹性影片觀賞小穴情色片a圖片sex story性愛影片美女做愛成人色情網站性愛圖片成人情色貼圖全裸寫真集圖片走光圖女生陰毛自慰影片色情av1007成人色情聊天室女生自慰裸體照成人影音聊天台灣色情網站色情片打手槍情色天堂成人視訊聊天免費情色網站av網超性感辣妹激突成人論壇情色視訊聊天鹹濕成人網站av成人論壇免費美女視訊

it actually means this

KK777YI a night of fervor chats live the show adult autodyne to paste the chart self-consolation young married woman autodyne naked picture Taiwan pornography adult website sweetheart video net sentiment color message center video beautiful woman free video chatroom limiting stage to shock the sentiment color forum pornography special zone autodyne bare female to paste the chart tide extremely to blow the movie to watch small geomancy color piece a picture sex the story sexual affection movie beautiful woman making love adult pornography website sexual affection picture to become the human sentiment color to paste the chart entire bare stayed-cable bridge picture wardrobe malfunction chart female student pubic hair self-consolation movie pornography av1007 adult pornography chatroom female student to console oneself naked chats Taiwan pornography website xanthic film according to the adult video and music to fire a pistol the sentiment color heaven adult video to chat the free sentiment color website av net ultra sex appeal spicy younger sister to stir up suddenly the adult forum sentiment color videoChats the salty wet adult website av adult forum free beautiful woman video

guess I am going to have to go to the old pictochat thingy where you have to punch in proof of being human. Its not the pornography thing, I just cant stand the repetitive use of the word “sentiment”.

Buy a thesaurus already.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I am beat.

The sandman and I were fighting again last night. I was tired and he had
tickets to a Broadway play. I was up until about 230 before "drowsy"
even entered the picture.

Then up at 6 to begin the day.

Which sucks, because I overslept and should have been up at 5.

So rushed around , got ready for work and then drove the 30 minutes to
work and still made it with 3 minutes to spare.

I have been enduring the whole day with a massive headache
and head-bobbing like a water bird. I am sure it looks like I am
continually agreeing with my monitor.

Maybe I should get a desk pointed eastward so then I could just say I
was praying.


I discovered yesterday that there are 2 people on this
planet that I hate and coincidentally they are both former bosses.

#1 on the hit parade is Mark. before I met him I had used terms
such as asshole, prick, douche bag and fuck-stain on other people with
great abandon. Then I came to realize that these terms were created
especially for him and calling other people these names was doing them a
great disservice. This guy was a piece of work. Hey I will give him his
due. He had a great mind for business and could create a company from
nothing and do what needed to be done to make sure it worked.

However, this guy has/had no business what so ever at all in
dealing with employees. I don't exaggerate when I say this guy was a
weasel. A conniving little prick who believed that if you worked for him
you were his indentured slave. He was top dog and it was his way or the
highway. He had so many chances to do right by an employee and each time
refused to do the right thing.

A small smattering of examples:

Cursing like a sailor around a very devout and religious woman
and when he was asked to stop he told her "It's my company and I will
talk anyway I fucking want to.". Not only is this basically illegal in
the workplace now days but it is just ill mannered and crass to drop the
F-bomb around someone one you barely know, much less a lady. Just really
low class from a millionaire.

When my father passed away it was during the night on Tuesday
night so naturally I called into work that day. Fair enough. However, I
was only allowed 3 days of bereavement leave and I had "used one of them
when I went to the hospital when he first started crashing" which was 3
months prior. So I had to come back to work on Thursday and work so I
could be sure to have Friday off for my dad's funeral. I am aware that
technically the company did nothing wrong however in a company of under
100 people you would think a little sympathy could have been used.

I worked for them for 3 years and when it came to be my last day
there before I moved on to a better paying job no once did I get asked
why I was leaving, how they could get me to stay or anything. I was a
kickass warehouse manager for them. I created their entire warehouse
system, I routinely did the work of 4 people and I created and developed
policies throughout the company. I was a valuable employee who was well
liked by the rest of the peons.

Not a sound, word, handshake or card. I came in, I worked, I left.

Funny thing is, I am not even a disgruntled employee!!
I am just stating unbiased facts
(ok maybe a bit bias but still FACTS!)

I will get into #2 later.

Do ya'all like what I have going on here in this blog thing of mine?

I may have mentioned before that most of the ramblings here
are to get the thoughts out of my head so they don't tear up the carpet
too much as they bounce about in this noggin of mine.

Some day's it's like having a gaggle of 10 year olds on a
pixie-stick / red bull sugar rush bouncing off the walls in my head.
Can't even hear myself think.

I have made over 200 posts and even though this whole "project"
is not for the soul purposes of gaining minions to take over the world I
still wouldn't mind one or 2 more people reading what I have to say.

Speaking of such

Hey NITEBYRD if you are ever in the area you always have a place
to roost at my domain.

mi casa es tu casa

anyways point being, if you are reading this please drop a comment in the comment box just to say hey. I am curious as to who all it out there.

my mind wanders


The last time I was tested for my IQ it was at 143 but that was like a decade ago, I am sure it has slacked off quite a bit. I certainly don't feel as sharp as I used to. I do have a valid excuse as I go to a "doctor" who seems to believe that all my maladies can be fixed with a prescription pad.

The list is extensive (in my opinion)

I take meds to go to sleep

I take a different one to stay asleep

I take some to relax my muscles

I wear a patch for constant pain control

I then take another pain killer for any pain that makes it through

And I take a mild anti-depressant as well.

I used to take a secondary anti-D but I gave that up a while back.

I was tired for rattling when I walk and the few times we have sex I sound like a rain stick and end up putting the wife to sleep.

Oh wait... sorry off subject there.

Must be the meds (HA!)

I don't hold a lot of weight to those IQ tests and things of that nature but sometimes I do enjoy pulling out the High IQ card, just for egos sake. (Have you noticed how weird the word "sake" looks when you try to write it? It just always looks wrong. Fuckin' word.)


I am always interested in self-evaluations and psychology. I figure that if you take enough of them and average out the answers you are going to hit on a few solid points.*

Did you know that the average soul weighs 6 ounces?

I was reading an article and this scientist was actually testing for this and weighed a guy right before death and right after and could not account for the loss of 6 ounces

Granted it could have been ½ a pound of flatulence but that's just a load of shit.

And WTF anyway?

Why was he sitting waiting for the dude to pass... eesh, talk about vulture!!

Granted he wanted to know if the soul could be accounted for.

But how do you go about starting that conversation?

"Um Bob? I know you are on your deathbed and all and I really don't want to be a bother but before you skip off and join the choir visible would you mind hopping your sickly carcass up on this scale for me? I just want to be able to know how much you weigh after the reaper makes you his bitch."

It's actually rather fascinating about what makes you, "you".

I mean all we are really is just a meat machine.

The higher reasoning and thought processes, the whole "who am I" process's really shouldn't be happening.

The electrical firing in the brain by no means equal personality and yet here we are.

Yes the human race is quite the conundrum.

So much potential and yet so many worthless shit boxes.

* That's where I got my IQ points at. I took several different IQ tests that all claimed to be valid and scientific and all that and each one from a different source. Yes, most were online but not the simplistic joke ones you see on facebook and the like, but actual real IQ tests. Some said I was higher in the 150 range and some said I was lower in the high 138 to 140 range but 3 of them agreed at 143 and I felt that this was rather consistent enough to call it a valid number. I should have averaged them out but then the number was excessively pretentious and I didn't want to be like a gunslinger. Toss out a nig ol' number and everyone starts to gun for you. Even now I find that 143 gets me looks, especially when the state average is like 110.

I wanted to join Mensa at one point and even have the test but couldn't bring myself to open it and take it. I like my 143 and didn't want to goof up or have an off day and end up with a 62 or something.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

its in the script

Why is it in movies when someone is being held by the BIG BAD and they
are in a locked room with no way out they tend to fixate on the door?
"OH gosh! This room has no windows and the only way out is the way I
came in!!"


Why don't they just go through the wall? I have seen room walls, I have
made room walls and I have taken down room walls.

Granted I am not speaking of a basement. If it is a basement then yes,
you are indeed screwed.

However, Drywall is not that big of a barrier.

I have broken more than my share of it purely on accident.

Captured by a mad man and locked in a room I think I could easily find
the strength to bust open the wall! You can punch/kick a hole in drywall
or at least bust up a chair to use as a tool!

Come on if a chimp can make a tool to eat you can too to survive?

Ok that puts us up against the 2x4s.

Have you seen the spacing on these?

Even a large Norwegian man with excessive back hair can make it between
the studs!

OK so that leaves the outer wall. Plywood.

Granted plywood can create a barrier but we are talking about some
really BIG sheets.

Excessive ritualistic pounding in one spot is going to crack it and
eventually break it not to mention where the pieces join will unjoin if
you are excessive enough.

That leaves the outside wall.

Lets be easy here and call it siding.

If you can make it through the plywood then the siding will not pose an
issue for you

Remember you have all that adrenaline pumping through your system.

I say if you are really cooking you could be outside in under an hour
maybe even 30 minutes.

Granted this will make a heck of a lotta noise and won't be easy but if
you are trapped with no way out what else are you going to do?

Watch Oprah?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sunday Stealing

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Just started working for IKON after being laid off at Boeing

Five snacks that you enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world:
Vanilla Ice Cream
Apple Pie

Five things you would do if you were a billionaire:
Hire a person for each bit of housework..
Build a big ol house with an attached “Bat Cave”
Give a lot of money to the Boy Scouts.
Buy a condo in Orlando
Open used bookstore

Three of your habits:
Lazyness. (my most shameful one)
I smoke. (the tireder I am the more I smoke.)
I pretend to procrastinate so I can just blow it off.

Five jobs that you've had:
Warehouse Manager
Copier repair
Pizza guy
Post Office encoding (when the computer cant read your writing)
Phone tech support

Five places that you've lived:
Wyoming, Georgia, California, Kansas, Missouri – and then some

Five things that you did yesterday:
woke up early
watched movies
fell asleep

Five people you would want to get to know more about:
Amanda (hot chick at work)
Bruce Campbell

Abortion: for or against it?
personal choice.

Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Not any more or less than it would with a male president.

Do you believe in the death penalty?

Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

Are you for or against premarital sex?
I guess I'm for it. I think it's a good idea to test drive a car before you buy it.
But that applies to everyone but my daughter.

Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Might as well.

Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
I think it's wrong for anyone to illegally move into any country.
Why should we be the standard all others are set against?
Glad you like my country, I do too. If you want to visit thats ok but if you want to move here please go through the proper channels.

Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
No. Actually, I think it should be raised to 25.

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Oh is that thing still going on?

Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
No, I do not.
Never understood why suicide was “illegal” to begin with. Assisted suicide is a kinda touchy subject as it is basically murder with consent. There is fine line there that must be watched and monitored consistently.

Do you believe in spanking your children?
Not my answer but I cant say it any better.
I think different forms of discipline work for different families/children and at different times and different situations. Spanking children when you are angry is not ok. But there are some times when some kids need a good spanking, let's be honest.

Do you worry that others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Not a whit.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


OK there is a group on facebook
this guy Justin Turner lives in south africa is painting this HUGE mural with real people in it.


Anyway in this group you make a lil description of a survivor of the zombie apocalypse
The main rule being "no conventional weapons"!/photo.php?pid=12698905&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=100344373656&aid=-1&id=822295494

and he's not even done yet!!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

First Impressions

Living in a basic and boring state like Kansas really hinders one
on the possibilities of experiencing the tastes and diversity that the
world holds.

For instance: I like to do impression, for my own shits and giggles more
than anything. OK admittedly I talk to myself A LOT. (why isnt alot an actual word anyway? Spellcheck didnt like it.)
I can remember that the very first one I did was at the ripe old
age of 10 and it was Peter Lorre.
First off a 10 year old who even knows who Peter Lorre IS, is rather
amazing in itself and I thought I got it rather spot on. My dad was of
a different mindset.

My repertoire grew from there.

In my late teens I did a KILLER Jack Nicholson, Johnny Carson, Dana
Carvey's "grumpy old man", Indiana Jones and Bill Murray in Caddyshack.
I can do accents from around the world and can change my voice
rather convincingly over the phone. Anywhere from an old southern
colonel to a stuck up old British guy.

Scottish Brogues are my favorite!

I just remembered that also in my early 20's I was so verbally
limber that I had the ability to do impressions of people I had just
met. I would listen closely to their timber and inflections and could
nail it pretty good.
Nowadays I am of the mindset that if you can say an off the wall
sentence and someone can tell who you are trying to do, and then it's a
good impression.

Of course now days my voices are quite limited.
I can still do a passable Sean Connery and various dialects inflections
and Peter Lorre.
My Holy Grail though is Christopher Walken.
That's the one I am currently working off and on.
I think tonight when I get home I will check on UTUBE and see if there
is anyone giving lessons on how to do this...

Now what does all of this have to do with living in a remote area like
the Midwest?

Well when you are surrounded by farmers, airplane workers and crop
fields there really is not a big call for talent. Which is odd, you
would think that with all this innate boredom there would be a desperate
need for talent but NO. Kansas is the Milquetoast of America.

Therefore there is no where I can go locally and be taught what I want
to know.

Of course this is one of the reasons why I have a job instead of a
career as well.

When I want to know something, I want to know THAT particular
thing. I don't want to know anything else but what I want to know. Once
I have informational raped this idea or thought, I move on to the next
thing. It is because of this "flaw" that I am 40 and have no idea what I
want to be when I grow up.

Not the only reason but a big one.

How am I supposed to settle into a career when everything
interests me for a time and then I abhor it. So I have settled on a job.

Pay the bills and support the family is my main goal in life.
Maybe one of these days my greatest prayer will be answered and I
will win the lottery (trust me, I hold no delusions that this will
actually happen though).

Then I can open the used bookstore/waffle house I have always
dreamed about.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Scout Lore

Be Prepared

baden-powellDuring the summer of 1899, Colonel Robert Baden-Powell of the British army found himself in a pickle. He’d been put in charge of making sure the British Empire retained her settlements in South Africa. Problem was, the nearby Dutch colonists—the Boers—were gearing up to seize them, and there were a lot more Boers than Englishmen in the area. To make matters worse, British government officials refused to send Baden-Powell more troops or supplies. They thought it would be best not to provoke the Boers by appearing ready for war.

Of course, Baden-Powell knew to always be prepared. He planned in secret for the imminent invasion, recruiting and gathering his own men and supplies. Rather than spread his troops far and wide, the colonel consolidated his limited forces in the inland town of Mafeking. He thought if he could hold onto the town long enough, he would be able to keep Boer troops away from the coast, where British reinforcements would eventually land.

When the Second Boer War erupted in October, the colonel and his 500 troops found themselves surrounded by 8,000 Boer soldiers. With little else in his arsenal, Baden-Powell engaged in the art of deception. If he could make the Boers believe that Mafeking was better defended than it really was, he figured he could keep them at bay.

And so the theatrics began. The 42-year-old colonel ordered his troops to act as though they were planting minefields, even though they had no mines. He ordered them to create gun turrets, even though they had neither the manpower nor the artillery to arm them. And to make the perimeter appear well guarded, Baden-Powell made his men pretend to avoid barbed wire along the edge of town. He even had them parade around at night with a fake searchlight made from a lamp and a biscuit tin.

While many of Baden-Powell’s strategies were based in make-believe, at least one of his tactics was rooted in reality.

He called upon a troop of 12- to 15-year-old boys from the town known as the Mafeking Cadet Corps. He then used this tiny army to relay messages, help out in the hospital, and act as scouts and guards.

Decked out in khaki uniforms and wide-brim hats, the young cadets traveled around town on donkeys. (Later, when food became scarce during the siege, the donkeys were eaten, and the boys switched to bicycles.) Their duties kept the boys busy and gave them a sense of purpose. More importantly, the Cadet Corps left the outnumbered British soldiers free to fight, effectively quadrupling their manpower.

Life in the Woods

What gave Baden-Powell the idea to use adolescent boys in battle? Well, he had a peculiar childhood. The son of a natural-history professor, Robert Baden-Powell grew up in a nature-loving family. When his father died in 1860, Robert was just 3 years old. His newly widowed mother was determined to make men of her five sons, so she pushed them to vigorously explore the outdoors. In fact, she once challenged her boys to travel on their own from their house in London to a rented cottage in Wales. After the brothers paddled a boat up the Thames by themselves, they hiked the remaining distance. Several days later, they arrived safely at the cottage, where their mother was waiting for them.

During their camping and boating adventures, the boys took as little with them as possible. They slept under hedges and haystacks, and they caught and cooked their own meals. In the end, the exercise not only taught them the skills to survive in the wild, but it also fostered a sense of independence and resolve. Baden-Powell knew that under the right circumstances, boys could be relied upon. And during the Siege of Mafeking, they proved invaluable.

The Greatest War Novel Ever Written (To Inspire Young Boys)

scoutingThe siege lasted 217 days, and through it all, Baden-Powell managed the town’s defenses, explored enemy territory, made cannons from scrap metal, drew sketches of his surroundings, taught the cadets woodwork and camping, and organized cricket matches on Sundays. (He achieved so much that many of his troops believed he didn’t sleep.) Most impressively, he also found time to edit the pages of his book, Aids to Scouting—a guide to surviving in the wilderness that would later become the first manual for the Boy Scouts.

As the British press reported daily on the marathon siege in Mafeking, Baden-Powell became a household name. When British reinforcements finally arrived and freed the town in May 1900, Baden-Powell was praised as a hero. He was named the youngest major-general in the army, and 38 of his boy cadets were awarded medals from Queen Victoria. In Britain, the victory celebrations were so great that a new word entered the language to describe the parties—”mafficking.” Today, the term is still used in England to mean rejoicing.

Although Baden-Powell hadn’t intended Aids to Scouting for young boys, his newfound fame meant it quickly appeared on children’s nightstands across Great Britain. The colonel had long been concerned that new military recruits were clueless about basic outdoor survival techniques. He wrote the wilderness guide for them, but after witnessing the bravery of the Mafeking Cadet Corps, Baden-Powell recognized how much the book could mean to young people, too.

In 1908, Baden-Powell wrote a second version of Aids to Scouting just for children called Scouting for Boys. He had tested his ideas by leading a group of 22 boys on an expedition to Brownsea Island off the coast of England, where he taught them the skills of the outdoors. (This is known as the first official Boy Scout meeting.) Not surprisingly, the book became an instant best-seller, and Boy Scout troops spontaneously appeared all over Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, India, and Canada. In 1910, the first Girl Scouts joined the movement, and Baden-Powell quit the military to devote himself to scouting full-time. Under his care, more than 1 million scouts joined organizations in 32 countries in less than 12 years. Today, there are 30 million members worldwide, and the movement that began as a necessity of war shows no sign of slowing down.

This article originally appeared in mental_floss magazine.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


I wanted to share a moment with you now. Recently my boy BEAST graduated from the cub scouts to the boy scouts. I was his den's pack leader for the whole 5 years, albeit reluctantly at first.
For the first 3 years I ended each year begging one of the parents to step up and take my place.
No one ever did.
I was absolutely shocked at that. Well for the first 2 years at least.
I couldn't step down without knowing there was someone to take my place.
so 5 years go by and they earned all they needed to a graduated.
I know I could have been a better scout leader and parts of me wished I had but I must have done something right as they all came back each year.
I gave a small speech at the end of the dinner/ceremony we had for the (called the blue and gold banquet.) When I was done, there was a smattering of applause but I was able to tug on some heartstrings and get some tears flowing. Unfortunately it was just my mom, my wife and my motherinlaw and my fatherinlaw said "good speech".
Here is one of the 1st rough drafts. I seemed to have misplaced the final cut but there really isnt a lot of difference.


One hundred years from now it will not matter what your bank account was, the sort of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove; but the world may be different because you were important in the life of a child. I have been with these 5 young men since their very first day as a Tiger, all the way to today and it has truly been an honor and privilege to work with these fine gentlemen. I first became involved with the boy scouts when my wife and I attended the first commitee meeting. We met with the leaders and they gave us gobs and piles of information, which meant nothing at the time and then informed us that the den is going to need a den leader. Needless to say, it got very quiet. Then, since my wife was taking notes, Shawna elected her as the new Den leader for Den 2. Better her then me! Afterwards in the car my wife handed me all the papers and documentation and said “guess what?” That’s it. That’s how I started being a den leader. I am very proud of the time I have invested with my scouts in their advancement to today and as a father I am proud of my son for following through with his commitments in scouting. Your den leaders are just normal people who are giving their time to your child to help them grow and to help them learn. They are learning some of the most important things in their life that seem to be lacking in today’s society. Pride, Honor, a sense of self and self worth and a sense of community are all aspects that are taught in scouts. “In Scouting, a boy is encouraged to educate himself instead of being instructed.” Who doesn’t want that for their child? As someone who has seen both sides of the scouting fence, being involved and not being involved I have to tell you that if you are not taking an active role in your child’s scouting experiences, then you are truly robbing yourself of some of the most rewarding moments in your child’s, all too brief, childhood. So to the adults gathered here I have to ask, what is more important to you? An hour in front of the TV or an hour spent in the presence of tomorrow’s leaders helping to shape them with the knowledge and experience that will need to take them through their life. Get involved with your den. How could you ever regret making a positive difference in someone’s life. To the scouts here, I must tell you, don’t give up. Nothing is perfect in life and there will always be lows and highs but at least with scouting you will get out of it as much if not more then you put into it. Be proud to be a scout. To my scouts. I am very proud of each and every one of you. I am honored that you shared the experiences with me from each year to the next. You are 5 of the most smartest,loudest, squirrliest,loudest, imaginative, loud, creative, loud and courageous boys I have ever met. and loud too. To your parents I must extend my gratitude for your help and understanding as well. I feel very privileged to have been let into your lives and to contribute to your personal growth, even if it was just “an hour a week”. Also, I need to thank you for helping me to become a better person as well. In closing I’d like to quote Will Rogers who said There's only one thing wrong with Boy Scouts...there aren't enough of 'em. Congratulations Scouts and welcome to the Boy Scouts. You've earned it.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Plan O' Action

I just got punched in the heart by father time and Mother Nature
The bastards.
I just hurt my heart thinking that in just over 4 years Girl will be
graduating from freaking High School and then Boy 2 after that!

Wanna go home and crawl under the house.

I want my time back!

I want to keep my memories I have and create whole new ones along with

Ok starting on Thursday I am taking action. Well I am actually taking
action right now by saying I am taking action but I am putting it
in...oh never mind.

OK here is my line of thought.

I fuck up the whole "sleeping" thing.
I spend 1 day of the weekend literally sleeping it away.
Basically fatigued from a week spent without sleeping well.
I want that day back. I want to give it to my family.

Therefore, I need more energy.
The best way I can get the energy I want/need is to exercise.
Right now my exercise regime consists of remembering how to spell the
word exercise.

I "used" to be all muscle and no meat.
I "used" to be able to carry 27" to 32" TV's without breaking a sweat.
I know I won't get that much back.
My time is short (overall) and my body too damaged.

So exercise (maybe even eating better) to get more energy. If I'm going to
be exhausted I want a better reason then I cant quite get that hang of the whole "sleeping" thing.

Where I will fail.
Motivation: I get bored and distracted easily and exercise bores me.
Instant gratification: I want results by just thinking of them.
My back is poor and will only allow so much.

Where I can succeed:
I can force this body-machine to do whatever I want it to. Always have.
I WANT this.

We will see I start going with the wife to workout at the rec center
starting tomorrow. Plus that and we each are getting new bikes before
the end of April (except Boy, he just got a new one in September.)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I hate politics and I certainly hate politicians.
Why can’t those sons of bitches in Washington do anything right for us?
Everything they do is for the people who line their pockets and the middle class can fuck off for all they care.
All these great plans and ideas are shot down because each of those fat cats has to make sure they tag on their little piece of the pie.
How many altruistic people do you think they would be able to find if they swapped paychecks with teachers?
Ok I’m tired right now and rather pissy

I just want to know who fucking brilliant idea it was to strip the budgets of the school systems?

That is akin to mugging a bum for his sack of aluminum cans.

The one place where we as a nation cannot afford to fail any further and they have to do that. We are already raising a nation full of idiots and dimwits.
Schools now days are nothing more the glorified daycares.
Somewhere for the kids to go for 8 hours so they aint on the streets.
Stick a buncha hormone raging numbskulls in a building with a populace that has learned their manners from the various TV shows and video games they interact with.
Because the Lord knows that people aint raising their kids anymore.
Values, morals, respect, self-respect, honor and common sense all traits that people are now expecting their schools to teach their own children instead of doing it them own damn selves.

Ok so now we have these total strangers baby-sitting our kids for barely minimum wage. If you were paid as crappy as a teacher would you give a rat’s ass if the kids went home knowing more then they started out the day with?
Now, I am not talking about those special teachers. The ones who really do care and put their heart and soul into each day. Those are rare and beautiful people who have my utmost respect.

See (I think I have ranted this before) when you pay for shit you get shit. The old adage that “you get what you pay for” is 100% true!
If you are gonna pay crap all you are going to get is a warm body in a room and make sure the students are fucking or killing each other (or will even join in if they are)
That’s why ALL schools need to have triple the money that they have (or had before the government raped them).
If being a teacher was actually a high paying job then there would be a higher quality and quantity of people wanting to be a teacher.
As the levels rise of people willing and wanting to teach then *GASP* a school could actually pick and choose who taught at the schools.
As the quality of the teaching in school rose so would the quality of the education brought out of the schools.
As the better educated the kids were that came out of school the better the nation would be.
As so forth and so on.
But no.
We are in a bad economy so let’s make the nation worse overall by making sure the next generation this Jed Clampett was an early explorer and Christopher Columbus was the guy who directed Harry Potter.

Every politician from the president down should have to be fucked in the ass by a grizzly bear upon taking office. Then we will see who runs for office!
“ Do you swear…”

And there mom’s over there going
“ Don’t Mommy me Mister! I wanted you to be crack-pipe pimp but NO you had to go waste your life and want to be a senator. Well Senator take it like a man.”

OK getting way off in the rose bushes now.
2 hours of sleep does that to me.
Thank you for indulging my ramblings.