Sunday, May 24, 2009

He was my son before I had a son of my own.

I lost my nephew last night.
He was 20 years old and was just married 2 weeks ago in Vegas.
Andrew Joseph Lee Haig was on his motorcycle heading home from work.
He was struck broadside by a pickup truck and died at the hospital Sunday at 12:37 am.
He has 2 boys that he leaves behind.

S. Wichita Motorcycle Accident
S. Wichita Motorcycle Accident Sat, 23 May 2009 23:37:00 EST

Good bye Andy. Rest well.
We are going to miss you so very much.
Tell Grandpa we miss him too next time you two go fishing.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

ZomBee’s theory on sleep

Everyone does it.

Some do it better then others.
Some do it more then once a day.

It’s been around for quite some time (I knew about it when I was but a baby) and in all that time, no one has figured out WHY we sleep.
Studies have shown that the body machine itself gets the same amount of a “recharge” from 15 minutes of quiet restful repose as it does from 8 hours of quality sleep.
Then why does the body shutdown?
Why will a person go mad if sleep deprived for extended periods?

I have a theory on that… ( SHOCKING!!)
First and foremost is your senses are working every second of everyday.
Everything you see, hear, smell, taste, etc. is sucked in and staged in your brain. Peripheral vision, random thoughts, your office workers beef and bean tostada fart, elevator music, that shamwow commercial. All that stuff is sucked into the great computer residing in your skull.
There is where it sits and accumulates. Your brain stages it for current and future reference, and waits for a chance to compile it and store it away. Then when you crash for the day, your brain shuts down all physical abilities except for the core functions, (it actually releases a chemical that in essence locks down the machine.) With the machine shutdown, not only does the brain not have to worry about more information coming in but it also has additional computing power to do its job.
With the machine shut down, it can focus on compiling, storing, sorting and deleting all this information it has collected.
What happens then is the brain sorts and stuffs and moves massive files around in your mind and in doing, so, other items are moved, shifted, etc.
You know how you can see a bunny in a cloud, Jesus’ face in a piece of toast or an odd shadow taking on human features? Your mind naturally seeks out and looks for patterns in everything.
Well, you can picture what happens next. Basically your mind is sitting there minding it’s own business and along comes your brain and dumps a box full of pictures and facts and smells and whatnot into a big pile as it starts to sort through the mess. Images of your high school art class combined with information from a lecture the previous day added with a smell of perfume from the weekend and a random thought about elephants flying, All that stuff sitting in a pile being sorted and filed away.
Your mind see’s all these images and input together and immediately tries to put them together to make sense. After all there has to be a pattern in here somewhere.

Congratulations. You just created your first dream of the night.

But then again I could be wrong.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

“MOM” is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

I just read the one sentence I did not know I never wanted to see in my life until I saw it.

I could have lived my entire life without reading these words.

Even in some bizarre Stephen King Novel, it would have been awful but this being for what passes as real life makes it even more wrenching and horrifying.

A 4-year-old child says, “My daddy ate my eyes.”

4 years old. That’s when Mommy and Daddy are equal to gods in a child’s mind and heart. Mommy and Daddy are to be trusted and loved and to protect me from any harm. Mommy and Daddy love me and play with me and take care of me. I know if I jump off the couch Mommy and Daddy will catch me and we will laugh and giggle and love each other. Mommy and Daddy protect me from the monsters under the bed and in the closet.

Except when Mommy and Daddy ARE the monsters.

It seems that “daddy” got high on PCP and chewed out his child’s eyes.
“Mommy” heard said baby screaming for her to help him as she arrived home with the pizza. “Mommy” turns around and leaves.

Turns around and leaves?

Turns around and FUCKING leaves!!!

My heart burns and aches at the same time.
I’m sorry I cannot even post the story here just a link.

IF the government were to choose to return to a more appropriate legal system where atrocities such as these are dealt with accordingly (instead of the monster being the victim how about the victim being the victim.).

IF our wonderful governmental system were to grow both a spine and a ball-sack at the same time and treat monsters such as this as they should be.

Then they can certainly call upon me to do my civic duty to “punish” said monsters.
I will need some power tools, various sporting equipment including both
wooden and aluminum bats, a blowtorch, pliers, wrenches, a cheese grater, acetone, salt, vinegar, hypodermic needles and a 10 to 15 pound sledge.
That’s just off the top of my head, I am sure I can increase my shopping list if so desired .
and I

Monday, May 18, 2009

File this under "WTH?"

I'm sorry. I just can NOT wrap my brain around this.

Foxx To Play Sinatra?

Jamie Foxx has been tipped to play late Rat Pack crooner Frank Sinatra, according to reports.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Harry Connick Jr. were among the names rumoured to be in contention for the role after it was announced earlier this month that filmmaker Martin Scorsese will direct a biopic.

But now African-American actor Foxx, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles in 2004's Ray, has emerged as the favourite to play Ol' Blue Eyes.

And studio bosses are convinced Foxx has the charisma and talent to tackle the role of Sinatra, who died in 1998.

An insider tells Britain's Daily Star, "Jamie would seem to be born to the role. Magnificent voice, convincing acting ability - like Frank himself - born the wrong side of the tracks, makes it big against all odds, has his brush with authority. The guy's a gift."

Isnt this equal to having Julia Roberts playing Ronald Regan?
I'm not a biased person but if you are going to make a movie about a real live (well, dead now but you know what I mean) person, wouldn't you wanna try to get at least 1 thing accurate?
Why not just have Vern Troyer (mini me) play Elvis in a biopic?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I remember mama

I still remember the very first play I saw that made me go “wow. Theatre is awesome.” I was in 6th grade in California and they trucked us off to the high school to watch a snippet from their production of “The Lord of the Rings” and they had a bright white cargo net as a web and did the whole scene in the cave and we watched as the net was hauled up with Frodo as it’s captive.
I thought that was damn cool.
Then we moved to Kansas and in the 8th grade. I went to go see our High Schools rendition of “Brigadoon.”
“She’s a witch.”
“Yeah we have those too back in Kansas. We just pronounce it differently.”
I ended up going all 3 nights.
Once I made it to High School, I remember the first production I witnessed. “Ten Little Indians”
I remember Paul Crandon losing the gun under the table and wilting for a second trying to find it.
I have yet to see a woman choked and strangled for as long.
I seem to also remember Paul had a little too much merlot one night and skipped ½ play as well.
I believe there was an after-party at Matt Orsman’s house as well that I was invited to.
I thought wow!
The theater has people who are REALLY rather odd!!
Hey! I’m rather odd too!

Never made it to the stage, though.
In my own defense, I never had the real desire to be on the stage.

My claim to fame was building sets and such
I was significant in creating the set for “The diary of Anne Frank.”
I created one whole section by the stairs by myself, just to get everything done.

I remember “marrying” My friend Ducky and this guy Derrick in the wardrobe room once in my junior/senior year. Then telling them I was truly an ordained minister thanks to a correspondence course I took.
“The holy church of reverent light and love” I think the name was.
I remember in my senior year making out with Mary in the rafters above the auditorium. (sometimes having a photographic memory DOES have it benefits.)

Sorry. Saw some old pics from High School and all this stuff came bubbling up to the surface.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Caution: words may fill your brain.

Everyone wants something for nothing.
Simple as that.

Ever since that dimwit spilled her coffee at McDonalds everyone has been under the impression that the world owes them a million dollars.
Damn that woman!!
She is a General in the army leading the charge toward the dummying down of America.
Don’t get me wrong though, I believe that if you have been truly wronged you deserve retribution and recompenses but come on.
If your airbag fails to deploy due to a faulty circuit, sue away. Sue them twice for good measure. They promised a product and failed to deliver.

I am sure you have read and heard about all these silly warning labels on just about everything.
  • Don’t eat preparation H.
  • Don’t use your hair dryer in the shower
  • Don’t stick the hair curler in your ass
  • The Barbie pool is not a flotation device
  • Caution: this bag of peanuts contains peanuts.

Whatever happened to common sense?
When did it become a corporation’s responsibility to save someone from their own stupidity?

If you have to be told that a cup of hot coffee will be hot or that trying to stop a chain saw blade with your genitals is a bad idea, you need to be removed from the gene pool.

OH! and to just make sure everyone gets their chance to sue everyone else they now have a website for it.
Class action lawsuits made easy. Point-click-sue.

For instance: Ebay Inc. is online auctioneer. It advertises as haven for buyers and seller's but in fact its only concern is how to make money.

No freakin DUH! It’s called a business.

I am surprised no one has started suing garage sales for not selling the actual garage.

In fact, not all of my clothes fit like they used to but I cant decide whether to sue Lil Debbie for making sweet sensual snacks that are readily available to me or Hanes for making their medium sized underwear only fit a medium sized person (that is discrimination for those who are medium +1).

The 7 Types Of Bad Bosses According To Star Trek (And How To Survive Them)

They yell at you and fire you twice a day. They insist that a five-day job should only take five hours. They flip-flop and then blame you for their mistakes. Star Trek's captains model all kinds of bad boss behavior, but luckily they also show us what to do with a boss who's out of touch with reality.

We already covered the 7 kinds of highly effective leadership as demonstrated by space captains. But captains can also model some pretty awful management, and noplace is this more apparent than in dear old Trek.

kirk.jpgThe bully. He alternates between jolly and grouchy — but even his jolly side is a little scary sometimes. He enjoys "teasing" his subordinates, especially anyone who's different in some way, like having funny-shaped ears. "Notices" his female underlings a little too closely. He does give an inspiring speech about risk-taking, but that's usually just to drag you into some weird body-switching scheme that will leave you with a weird rash for a month. He's also the original "I want it done yesterday" boss, who's "sick of hearing the word 'can't.'"
How to handle him: If he yells, yell back. Say "Dammit" a lot. If he asks how long something will take, exaggerate by at least 200 percent. If he starts cracking jokes at you, just ignore it, and he'll probably go away. But never, ever make fun of him back. (I've totally had this boss, like twice, and thinking of him as Captain Kirk really helped.)

Not-again-picard2.jpgThe father figure. He's your best pal, playing poker with you and listening to you whine about your holographic love life — until you piss him off, and then suddenly he's all shouty and mean. He's like your nice uncle who suddenly turns vicious. It actually startled me the first time Picard showed his bitchslapping side — and yet it shouldn't have. I've had bosses just like this. They're all about "nurturing," until you don't get their drycleaning to them on time, and then suddenly it's the screamy echochamber for you. He's also incredibly long-suffering, constantly annoyed by every little thing that goes wrong. Likes to bust out with a speech explaining the "moral" of everything that happens.
How to handle him: Don't ever mistake his "daddy" act for real friendship, or let your guard down around him. If he starts quoting Shakespeare or moralizing at you, just smile and nod until he stops. Don't confide in him about your personal shit, or he'll just bring it up when he's mad at you. He likes to nurture creativity, so go ahead and share your artsy projects with him, not to mention your bizarre schemes for getting out of whatever mess you've all gotten into this week.

200px-Gowron2367TNGReunion.jpgThe politician. On the surface, he's a big swaggering warlord... but it only takes a glance to realize he's really just a conniving weasel. He'll say anything to get ahead, and always manages to wind up in charge because he maneuvers all the smarter people into destroying each other while he remains unscathed. If you start doing too well or — worse yet — become too popular around the office, he orders you to do an impossible task and then blames you when you fail. Or he tries to maneuver you into self-destructing somehow, by giving you contradictory or unrealistic orders.
How to handle him: As always, Worf shows us the way. Challenge him to a duel, and then kill him. Or if you're not in a state where it's legal to kill your boss, then challenge him head-on, and destroy him. Whatever you do, don't try to be sneaky with him — that's playing his game.

180px-Sisko_baseball.jpgThe cold fish. He's always brooding and staring into his raktagino. When he does smile, it's usually a bitter smile at some irony he's spotted. Seldom praises your work, and when he does, there's often a bit of an edge to it. His main other mode besides glowering is screaming rage. But he does at least know how to laugh at himself... in a gloomy way.
How to handle him: Keep your distance. Learn how to read his little signals — like if he leaves his "special" baseball on his desk, that means he's planning on coming back after lunch. Or if he nods slightly, that means "Great job, keep it up!" Or maybe: "I'm firing you after lunch."

250px-Janeway_Season7.jpgThe blamer. She's always right — even when she changes her mind three times. She'll take a tough stand, but then change her tune if her cronies disagree. She lectures you about her principles, but they're all totally disposable. She's all like, "No, we are not going to make an alliance with the Denim," "There is no way we are possibly going to trade technology with the Gherkins," etc. etc. But when it comes down to it, she's all about expediency. And then after one of her little ethical shortcuts blows up in her face, it's always your fault, not hers. If you ever go around her, she puts on her hurty face and talks about how betrayed she feels. I've totally had this boss, too.
How to handle her: Don't ever crawl out on a limb to support her principled stances, or she'll leave you out there by yourself. She likes it when people challenge her — so go ahead and tell her she's wrong. She may end up agreeing with you. But don't ever count on her to stick to her big principles.

queen.jpgThe queen bee. She claims it's all about the group, and what's best for the "collective." It's not about her at all — in fact, just pretend she's not there. She's just there to speak for the group. And then she insists on being all showy — ooh, look at me lowering my head and spine into my slinky new body! She has to be the center of attention, even while she's pretending that she's one small part of a huge collective. She enjoys seducing you into her group, but once you join, you'll just be one of her bees. And if you ever get away, she'll keep bugging you and showing up when you're trying to chill in your regeneration alcove.
How to handle her: Take her at her word. Pretend you really do think she's just one small piece of a huge organization. That way, it shouldn't matter if you talk to one of her "drones" instead of her. It's all the same, right? It'll drive her crazy, and maybe she'll expose some weakness.

groupdecon.jpgThe hot-tub boss. Captain Archer is never mean — but then he expects you to strip down to your undies and get "decontaminated" with him every other Friday. He winks really big when he says it too: "Hey, you haven't been 'decontaminated' in a couple of weeks. I bet your rads are off the scale. Let's make a night of it. I'll bring the dog." Plus he's always inviting you for dinner in his quarters and talking about "Chef," which is probably like a pet name for a part of his body since you've never seen an actual chef around.
How to handle him: Get transferred as fast as possible.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A day in the life

This past Saturday the family unit split up for the day.
The wife and girl units went to World’s of Fun for the day on a band trip while the boy and I spent the day together.

Beast and I had a great day together. We went to my work (where we had to walk a mile to get from parking to building due to this River Fest thing that happens each year)*
We didn’t spend too much time at work as I had to journey off to my mother’s so I could watch my nephew’s wedding over the internet. They were married in Vegas on Saturday afternoon. Thanks to my sister, I found out that 2pm in Vegas is 4pm in Kansas (DUH!). So goofed off some and helped her get her pumps running in her basement. Major water damage each time it rains. Really, SUCKS and it’s COLD. You would think this global warming would make the rain a bit more tepid.
Wedding went ok from what we saw (couldn’t get any sound outta it) but it was kinda cool. Especially texting my sister while watching her.
Reminded me of that Drew Carey episode where Mimi ships him to China and he calls and tells Oswald that it is the next day there.
“Quick! What are the lottery numbers?” Oswald replies.
“It’s a different timezone, not the future you idiot.” Is the reply.
Just thinking of that cracks me up. (I can be easily amused)


Took Mom and Beast to go see Wolverine for Mother’s Day (My mom loves movies so it makes it pretty easy on me for mother’s day and birthdays).
I fully recommend the flick. Hell, I want to see it again!
After our long day, together Beast and I grabbed some Mickey D’s and lay in bed watching cartoons together before crashing.
Good times, good times

I guess the World’s of Fun trip went ok. All that was relayed to me was
On the way, back they stopped off at a rest stop. No a gas station or anything nice like that. Just the stalls and the porcelain pots to pee into. Not much, better then a wood outhouse except no splinters in the delicate regions.
Wildcat told me that the handicap stall was locked and a big sign that said out of order. In lumbers this glandular beast from their group who then proceed to lie down on the floor and slide, belly down, under the door.
Let me repeat that.
She then proceeds to sllliiddee her bulky body face down across this grimy, filthy, used to be white and is now anything but floor, into the stall to see why it is out of order. Satisfactory pleased that it is indeed broken and the plumbing experience of a 13 year old cannot repair the situation, she then proceeds to sslllliiidde back out from the stall.


Someone should have called the CDC to come and decontaminate this girl, immediately. Quickly bathing her in Lysol and penicillin based paste may have helped her from the future birth of a child reminiscent of Jeff Goldblum from "The Fly".
I know grown men who have squealed like little girls if they have to pick something up off the floor with forceps and barbecue tongs in these places, must less do a full body slide across the bacterial colony.
I am not a germaphobe by any means but UGH!

I need a shower.

*Oh and my boss at work has a band and they opened for Loverboy at the festival. Kinda cool!

Monday, May 11, 2009

BE all that you can.

This video is for all those times when we were told as kids or we have told our kids that you can do and be ANYTHING you want to be.
These people did not wake up one morning just able to do this.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Check this out.
I would like to buy the whole Windows suite but hey I have so many better uses for $500 bucks.
Anyway, check this out! Use the web version of Word, Excel and the lot.
or, just use Sun's version for all offline use.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

Dinnah is soived

freaky food fun: Insert dried spaghetti into hot dogs, then boil


"I wanted to point out to you that some people on LiveJournal came up with an idea of inserting dry spaghetti into hot dogs, then boiling it, and coming out with amusing culinary constructs that kids seem to love."

Dont bother clicking the imbedded links though unless you can speak Russian/Slavik?whatever that is.

One of my quirks

Have you ever over-analyzed a movie?
My mom and I do it all the time. It’s kinda “our thing”
Basically theorizing about what happened, and when this occurred and why so and so did what.
I love doing that.
Another thing I do is try to figure out what could have been done better or different for a given situation.
For instance: Titanic. If I were alone and on the Titanic (and not stuck below decks) more then likely I would have created a raft of my own using a door (or to be more precise, a BIG OL’ door)
Then probably have fashioned an oar or two using some badminton rackets and pillowcases.
It may not work but it sure beats just jumping into the ocean and hoping for the best.
What about the Zombie apocalypse? I have put a lot of brain time into this thought because it’s like watching your own movie starring you.

I am not going to bore you with ALL the small details but basically, it would boil down to getting my family to our local Wal-Mart as quickly as possible and commandeering it.
Well it is rather large so there would be some issue with parameter security but if you could get it secure, it would be the perfect place to hole up and wait it out for a few months.
I hope that I would have some friends and relatives along for help (I am afraid I would lose my Mother and father in law as they live like 1 block from a cemetery. I am afraid they would be a lost cause unless something fortuitous happened.)
Now it depends on what is going on at the local 24 hour Wal-Mart but more then likely, I would get the family in and on the roof as quickly as possible.
Then I would go about organizing the refugees inside to securing the doors and other portals. Especially making note to shutting off those automatic door openers. With those on might as well put a sign outside that says “Buffett”
Since the main entrance is glass, the best resource to use would be to stack the shopping carts up to make a strong yet convoluted barrier.
Once the boundaries are set it would be rather easy to wait the apocalypse out. You have food, water, weapons, heat, warmth and all kinds of accessories.
Enough of everything to last a small army for 2 months at least, 4 if you rationed and 6 if you count all the stupids who decide that Aunt Mabel cant be a Zombie, she is just acting like one as a lark. Those are the ones that you have to really watch for and put them down before they kill us all.
That is why you always have a backup plan, which would be to have a small reserve of supplies up on the roof, just in case the undead get inside.

Yeah, I have thought about this a bit and I did say I wouldn’t share ALL the small details. I kept my word too. I know this is a huge post (and probably dead ass boring to some.) but I like watching movies in my head.

Monday, May 4, 2009

May the Force be with you.

May 5th is tomorrow (Cinco de mayo), but in case you don't already know, TODAY is National Star Wars Day. Since this is my 100th blog on here let me be the first to say, "May the 4th be with you!" The following are some ways we can all celebrate this most sacred of days: I have to admit some of these are mine directly and some are recommended from elsewhere.

1. Watch Star Wars. Any one or all six will make for a great Star Wars Day! If you are one of those sad people who has lived a sheltered little life and never once seen Star Wars, make it your goal to at least watch one of the six films! If there is one of the movies you dislike more than the rest, watch that one first. It may be that you just don't give it much of a chance to impress you.
2. Tell someone that, "the Force will be with them...always."
3. Become a Jedi, like your father before you.

4. Use at least 3 quotes form the saga in your daily routine. For example, "I have a bad feeling about this" or, "Laugh it up, Fuzzball" or, "You stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking, Nerf herder."(a personal favorite.)

5. Go to and read one databank entry about a character you know nothing about.

6. Do or do not, there is no try.

7. Hold a discussion with someone about Star Wars. Maybe about something in the movies that just doesn't make sense to you, or that they need clarification on.

8. Join Hyperspace, the official Star Wars fan club.

9. Destroy a Death Star. Twice.

10. Use the Force to open the door at the grocery store, elevator or any other automatic device. (I do this on a daily basis; it’s a small fun one can have by themselves.)

11. Hold a toy Lightsaber duel with someone. Make LOTS of

12. Give birth to twins and name them Luke and Leia.

13. Learn to speak Huttese.

14. Jump in the passenger seat and exclaim “Punch it Chewie!”

15. Execute Order 66. (but GENTLEY)

16. Buy a Star Wars action figure.

17. Build your own Protocol droid.

18. Give your sister a passionate kiss on the mouth (ok, maybe not the best way to celebrate).
19. Read a Star Wars novel
20. Tell someone you “thought they smelled bad on the outside.” (kinda rude so make sure you are quicker or stronger then them and I don’t mean in the Force either)

21. See how many incredible smells you can discover.

22. Give in to your anger.

23. Get trained in the Jedi arts by Count Dooku.

24. Get your arm, hand or torso cut off.

25. At the drive through exclaim “Red 5 standing by!”

26. Try to sell someone Deathsticks then go home and rethink your life.

27. Talk like Yoda without getting caught, you must.

28. Let the Wookie win.

29. Write a Star Wars blog.

30. Buy something from

31. Free a slave by cheating a Toydarian.

32. Think of the metal bikini or if so inclined WEAR the metal bikini.

33. Whistle the Cantina song incessantly. Mention how “it could be worse.”

34. Add all these Star Wars words to your spell check dictionary.

35. HAVE FUN!!! This one is the most important.

These are just some ideas on how to Celebrate National Star Wars Day. Feel free to participate any way you see fit, but make sure you remember Star Wars TODAY!
and, May the 4th be with you!

Friday, May 1, 2009


Have ya’all heard of that singer Michael Jackson?

Well maybe you also heard that he had a ranch called Neverland?

Moreover, that he is in really bad financial problems right now.

(I guess there was “issues” about be a pedophile or something.)


THIS is what happens when you have all the money in the world, no one to tell you “NO”


“Think about it first”


“Are you sure?’


“Holy god! Are you cracked?”

If Elvis were alive today he would say this guy "over does it a bit."

Think of all the sequins that now allowed to run wild and free without his constant hunting of them in their natural habitat.


Michael Jackson's weirdest detritus, a photoset

Wil Wheaton sez, "Paul Sheer's photos of his favorite items from the Michael Jackson auction are amusing, puzzling, hilarious, surreal, disturbing, and have that "horrific car crash that I can't look away from" quality that we've come to expect from anything associated with Michael Jackson."