Saturday, January 30, 2010

This Bites

I was bitten by a zombie.
I have just enough time to write a letter saying goodbye.
I am sorry I we parted ways.
We were a good team you and I and we really had a good chance together but I blew it.
I know that now and I ask if that you can forgive an old friend one last time.

3 days ago, I was foraging and not paying enough attention to my surroundings. you always said that was my weak point.
I was bitten by a crawler hiding under a porta-potty (of all places). I know a quick amputation may have saved me but I was weak, Blake and I could not bring myself to do it. I can feel the poison as it surges through my blood and I know it is only a matter of time now. I know you are a few days behind us and I know you will check this gas station
I/they need you now more then ever.
Please you have to save the boy and the girl.
Look inside the Pepsi machine and you will find all my weapons, ammo and rations. May weapons serve you as well as they have served me.
I have caches spread out around in a 25-mile radius of here that I had set before you and I teamed up together. The girl holds my map to each one.
Take them.
Take it all and use it to survive.
The kids are locked in one of my cache strong houses. It is an abandoned meat locker 10 miles from here northwest. Follow the blacktop just out front heading north and Look for a stagecoach. The walls and doors are thick and insulated. There is enough food and clean water stashed in there for 10 people to survive about 2 months.
God it hurts Blake. It is so hard for me to get this out onto paper.
There is a group of dead that are roaming 2 east blocks of here, I figure about 20 to 25. I have seen 4 sprinters among them so be careful.
I am going to go out now and see how many I can take to Hell with me.
If I am lucky, it will be enough to help you get by.
If the grenades do not work or something happens and you see me I know you will do the right thing. Just as I know, you will do right by the boy and the girl.
Live for me my friend.
Live for the boy and girl.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

I was driving in silence with the wife this morning when a question popped up in my head.

“What do you think would happen if someone injected sugar directly into someone’s veins?”

She looked at me weird.
“Well probably some kind of sugar induced diabetic shock.”

“Oh, yeah there is that.”


“I think it would cause an aneurysm.” I continued

“Do you even know what an aneurysm is?” she yelled (why is she yelling? This is not a yelling time.)

“YES, as a matter of fact, I do! I was just thinking that the sugar wouldn’t dissolve fast enough and it would cause the blood vessel to burst. Unless you used like Sweet&Low or Equal cause they have smaller grains and seem to dissolve faster anyway.”

She looked at me weird. After 20 years together I am SO used to this.

“Why are you asking me this? Who is injecting what into who?”

Then it got quiet as I formulated my train of thought. HEY SHE ASKED!
“OK follow me here...
1. I was thinking about why they haven’t created a synthetic blood yet instead of having blood drives.
2. Which led me to think about replacing someone’s blood to cleanse out any drugs and help with drug addiction. I figured 3 times would work.
3. Which made me think about an episode of CSI we watched where these quack doctor’s were injecting silicone directly into a person’s body.
4. This led me to thinking about nutrients added into the blood for pep and vigor.
5. Which led me into putting sugar directly into the system.”

Then it got REALLY quiet…

And I started thinking “I wonder which would dissolve quicker in blood, salt or sugar?”
but I kept that one to myself.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Normal day as usual or so I thought!

I am heading down the highway, trying to get home from work, when up ahead is a 17 and a ½ car pile up (the ½ being a Prius). I slammed on the breaks and skidded to a stop which was a feat in itself as the road was coated in blood.
Even in the winter blood eventually cools and black ice becomes blood ice.
The situation does seem dire as there are 2 ambulances and a fire truck involved in the pile-up.
Some of these people must be dazed as they are walking around aimlessly.
I’m no hero and I am of no use here. I just want to get home.
I see an opening and start to ease my car up onto the shoulder and past this mess when I see a cop.
He seems to be standing in the middle of the road aimlessly directing traffic.
Even where there is none?
What the hell?
I sit there just idling for a bit as I watch this guy, trying to figure out what he’s doing.
Suddenly there is a loud crash as this chick busts her head through the passenger side door.
Scared the crap outta me!
I try to keep out of her reach but she is squirming her way in, clawing at me!
Panicking I jump from the car and scramble away.
Oh good the cop has noticed me! We start walking toward each other as I try to explain what has happened and..
The dude is running at me?
Oh hell that aint right!
I turn to run from him and there’s 2 firemen and a suit, all bloody and shit breathing down my neck.
Twisting away I go the only direction I can, UP!!
I scramble on top of the fire truck and think “now what?!”

I survived though and I have the bruises and weapons to prove it.
Wearing jeans and a white (well used to be white) collared button up shirt.
Fireman’s coat and boots hanging off me. Hey the guy was big.
Cops hat on the back of my head.
White gauze as a bandanna (I don’t know first aid and I really clocked my head)
Medical stuff in a backpack with a shotgun sticking out the top.
Hand gun strapped to my right side waist,dripping fire extinguisher from the other
Then a coil of fire hose over the shoulder with a bloody mess dripping from the end in the shape of the hose head.
Carrying a 2-headed shovel, a shovel blade on each end with a big patch of duct tape in the middle.
I look like hell already and I still aint made it home.

What the Hell is this?
I dont have the luxury that Dumbledore had in pulling memories or thoughts from my head and sticking them in a jar. So here I will occasionally drop my brain load to make room for more. Usually there will be little to no editing or formatting. I just gotta get it out and down before it disappears.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

where have I been all my life

I have been meaning to post here day after day but unfortunately my work computer went kablooey on me and I lost a lot of my notes.
Ah well

Back to square one
Anyway last Saturday was the most fun I have had in a very long time.
There is this Boy Scout function called trappers rondavoux, rondavoo? Rondoavoo?
Ok it’s called TRAPPERS.
Dammit! I hate it when I cant even get close enough for the spell-check to figure it out.

It is held every year in January no matter what the weather is like. It is supposed to be for the boys to experience cold weather camping and what is needed then.
I really had no intention of going but the Beast wanted to so we went. We just didn’t spend the night we just went on Saturday. What an experience.
Basically all the scouts collect gobs and gobs of junk and crap from around their house and bring it to trade for other stuff and crap.
I ended up stuffing a backpack full of DVD’s I didn’t want anymore and some other odds and ends.
At the affair which is around 5000 people they have period garb people walking around and if you spot one and ask them if they are a trapper they will give you a wooden coin and tell you about who they are and a story from their life (like Kit Carson and Jedediah Smith).
Also Coleman is out there with a huge tent and everything is like 50% off (everything from sleeping bags to camp soap)
The boys also get a chance to shoot BB guns, throw tomahawks and shoot black powder guns.
It was a really beautiful day and we had a blast!
We ended up coming home with a Wii game, 2 Nintendo DS games and a pocket knife that one scout’s brother used over in Iraq when he was a field nurse.
I fully intend on going back next year.
Especially since my buddy and I discovered a resource we can sell there and possibly profit from.
You see money is really not suppose to be used but they do have booths where you can buy stuff. While animal hides are very prevalent there we noticed that walking staffs were very few and absolutely NONE of them were made from bamboo.
Well it just so happens that I have an entire grove of bamboo at my disposal and it is very simple to cut it, let it dry, sand and lacquer it and then add a hand grip (probably a leather patch). I figure that he and I could easily crank out about 100 of these without really trying. I have some ideas for additions to the staves as well (like hidden compartments and even built in flashlights).
Been meaning to try my hand at this craft anyway and this gives me an excellent reason.
Ok well that’s enough for now.
Hopefully IT is done with my new desktop PC since my “new” one went kablooey this morning. Luckily I didn’t lose the hard drive this time.
Stay loose.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I gotta be better.


I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye...

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
Common courtesy you use,
But the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,
And I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days?
But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family,
An unwise investment indeed, don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

This is one of those insipid forwarded email thingies. I usually don’t pay them any mind but this one was a bit different.
It made me think.
I am feeling very guilty as to the amount and quality of time I spend with my Beasty. He is a real good kid and I do love him very much.
You see he has a bit of a speech impediment so his talking did not develop as soon or as well as it should have. Also “supposedly” he has ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.
I believe this has let directly to a sweet, caring boy not having any friends. I have mentioned this before and it still bugs me that no kids his age want to have him around. He should be enjoying play dates and sleepovers and going outside to play.
Instead he stays inside and watches TV or plays video games.
No one calls.
No one asks for him to come over.
No one asks to come over.
That leaves all his “fun” needing to come from me.
That’s why I feel so guilty. I come home from work and I am beat and I just want to chillax. Beasty will plop down next to me and I will hold him and we watch cartoons together.
I just feel I ought to be giving him more than I do.
I need to work on that.

My girl, PHM, she is at the age where mom and dad just aint that cool no more and she is sliding down that teenage track way to fast. Still, she has more friends then I can count and yes the boys are starting to show up too. Luckily I have a girl who has heard head on straight (even though she has blond roots that go to the bone)
I need to work on that.

I need to win the lottery so I can spend my time working on the really important things.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Trash Talking Mondays

The trash took me out tonight.

I told the Beast to take the trash out but he couldn’t cause “it was frozen down.”
That one was a good one. I gotta give him his props for it. I don’t appreciate or condone being lied to but I will acknowledge good work.


Grabbed the trashcan and started to roll it down the drive
Hit the ice
pin wheeled arms and legs like a madman
I’m sure it looked like I had the devil in me, spastic twisting and turning
Arms flaying about “like a lil bird trying to fly” (his comment)
caught my balance
lost it
yet never quite "fell".
Just kept getting lower and lower to the ground.
Wrenched my left knee
twisted my ankle (smacked the outside ankle on the pavement)
ended up in a position looking not too much unlike Spiderman trying to discreetly crap inside the trashcan lid.

Ah Monday’s!
Just when you think you have escaped unscathed, they pounce.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ok. Thats cool.

All this an they still haven't created virtual reality yet?... or have they?

Monday, January 4, 2010

2010 - Here we go again

Ahh the bittersweet end of the holiday season…
Back to the grind.

I am one of those “perfect employees” meaning that I come back from a vacation rested and ready to rock. It gets harder and harder to get your groove back on after 2 weeks on exquisite mind-numbing nothingness but I will manage.

Few notes for over the vacation break:
1. The wife did well this Christmas. I would say a straight up B+/A- on her gift giving abilities. Still did not receive a single thing I actually asked for or hinted at but she made an actual attempt. I know if I could get her more unafraid of the internet, it would be easier.
However, while Santa brought her a new purple Hoover vacuum (don’t look at me like that SHE asked for it!), I was apparently bad enough that Santa didn’t even bring me a lump of coal.
I know, I know. I suck.
One of my Christmas presents from her was to finally go out and for me to get new glasses, which I have been needing for a couple of years but kept putting off for more important stuff for the family.
We ended up at Eye Masters or somewhere like that, basically the IHOP of EyeWear. I found a pair of new glasses and sunglasses for $200. Not exactly what I was looking for but fuckit, they will do. They look ok and I am more interested in functionality.
Wildcat needed some glasses too but hers would have been about $300 there at Eyes-R-Us so she decided to go back to the Eye docs and go through him.
2 hours later, I was seeing fine and dandy for the first time in forever.
$600.00 later we are still waiting on her specs to come in.

2. I can’t believe it! Just a few days before Christmas my friend at work was canned and on a Friday no less! Everyone knows that you don’t fire people at the end of the week! It’s too hard on their psyche. They have to spend the weekend fretting and fuming over the whole thing. You can a person on a Monday morning so they can go out and be productive and actively seeking new employment. Then there is the whole right before Christmas thing. That just blows!
“MERRY CHRISTMAS Everyone!! Oh Joy of Joy’s we will be giving out bonuses tomorrow and Christmas is just next week! Oh, except for you. You can suckit annnd by the way as well, Fuck You, you are fired. Now get out.”
Bah-Freakin-Humbug, man.
That just aint right.

3. I don’t remember mentioning this before but my daughter, Princess H&M, will be performing at the next Cotton Bowl in Texas. I am proud of her, yes very much so, thank you. Now I just have to figure out how to pay for it and when the freaking Cotton Bowl is next year (and where and just about every other bit of information needed, I am missing it.)

4. SEX! Yeah….um No. I “think” Novemberish. I forget. Actually I am to a point now where I am not missing it anymore. Took most of 2009 to get the whole carnivore side of my sex drive shut back off again, but now I think I may have twisted the dial too tight. I will have to look into this some more.

That’s truly about all I got for right now. Not much deeper than a birdbath, really.
Ah well I have all of 2010 to improve upon.