Friday, July 31, 2009

Where were you when I was a boy?

Kids who are Star Wars fan have always dreamed of finishing the dreaded Darth Vader themselves, using their Jedi “force” techniques, an ultra cool light saber and a giant walking carrier. Well, I can’t assure you to provide you with the former two, but, what I can promise is that this AT-AT Imperial Walker bed will surely compensate the your third want.

This user called BykManDan surely knows how to deliver geeky Star Wars crazy people with the best of merchandise, don’t you agree? The user further adds that this was specially made for his son, who is a Star Wars fan, with stuffs that are readily available in your nearest store. The user has been quite generous to provide us with the video below of the proceedings during him making this novelty.

Overall, this Star Wars AT-AT creation is something any Star Wars geek would love to go to sleep at night in.


Of course if I tried to make this it would probably end up looking like a cross between an aardvark and a lawn dart.
I have stupendous ideas but they tend to lose something in the translation from brain to hands.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

UNdead and loving it.

Well now 40 doesn’t feel all that different

Now I have gone from the old side of young to the young side of old.

Body still feels like it is 55
Mind still thinks it’s 29
I still act like a 12 year old.

I can still remember thinking that 45 was OLD and that’s when I was probably going to die.
Once you get there it really don’t seem that far away.

Birthday was OK, same as usual actually. One main difference was all the well wishes I was sent on Facebook. I don’t think I have ever had that many people tell me happy birthday in my life and definitely not within the last 20 years.
That was pretty cool!

My work gives each person a $100 bucks on their birthday and then gives out their age in $10’s on their “landmark” birthdays (20,30,40).
I went out and bought myself the 32” HDTV I had been wanting for some time.
My mother got me a laptop cooling base which I already have one but cant have too many when it comes to portability.
My Grandmother and In-laws sent checks (cash always makes for a great present as it is always the right color and one size fits all). Not much but enough for a couple of DVDs or a computer game (like I have the time for a game.)

My brother-in –laws have never acknowledged my birthday unless I have done some computer work for them near that date. Funny how that works.

We had storms in the area so I was out grilling steaks in the rain and lightning last night for supper. PHM remarked how Wildcat had me standing outside in the rain with a large metal fork in my hand.

That was it.

No parades, No fanfare
Just another day ending in Y (why?)

and Yeah, to point out the obvious, that's yours truly above.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Simpson Fears Revenge Attack Behind Bars

Incarcerated O.J. Simpson is living in fear behind bars because he's convinced his cellmate is plotting to kill him.

The former American footballer was sentenced to serve at least 15 years in a Nevada prison last December after his conviction for armed robbery relating to a September 2007 sports memorabilia heist.

He is serving his time at Lovelock Correctional Center as he awaits progress on his appeal, but according to the National Enquirer, Simpson is terrified his cellmate is plotting to take revenge on him for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Simpson-Brown.

The retired sportsman was cleared of killing his ex and her friend Ron Goldman in 1995, but the shamed star is allegedly fearful he will become the target of a revenge attack.

According to the tabloid, Simpson has told pals, "My cellmate is nuts. He's a killer, and he hates me. He told me that he is in prison for murder and rape, and he hates my guts because I got away with murdering my ex-wife.

"He's told me he is going to strangle me in my sleep the first chance he gets."

Friends of Simpson are worried The Naked Gun star is gradually being driven to insanity and are concerned he will not survive his prison stint.

An insider says, "I think O.J. is finally losing it. If he has to stay in prison for a long time, he won't make it."

Simpson is due back in court on 3 August when a judge will decide whether to grant him bail pending his appeal
I ran across this article on IMDB today.
Now here is where I am conflicted.
The major news source cited is the National Enquirer.
Someone is going to actually take the time to write an article using that rag as the major source?
David Berkowitz had a better source of information then that.

STOP! Hammertime... (ok I HAD to say that!)

Heavy metal cure for constipation – Around the World – Austrian Times

Shared via AddThis

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Going Green

Have you ever heard of it?
Wikipedia says
Absinthe is historically described as a distilled, highly alcoholic (45%–74% ABV) beverage.[1][2][3][4] It is an anise-flavored spirit derived from herbs, including the flowers and leaves of the herb Artemisia absinthium, commonly referred to as "grande wormwood". Absinthe traditionally has a natural green color but can also be colorless. It is commonly referred to in historical literature as "la fée verte" (the Green Fairy).

Blah blah blah BORING!

Here is the part I am interested in...

The effects of absinthe have been described by some as mind opening.[62] The most commonly reported experience is a "clear-headed" feeling of inebriation — a form of "lucid drunkenness". Chemist, historian and absinthe distiller Ted Breaux has claimed that the alleged secondary effects of absinthe may be caused by the fact that some of the herbal compounds in the drink act as stimulants, while others act as sedatives, creating an overall lucid effect of awakening.

Always wanted to try that stuff. It’s even on my 100 goals list.
Then low and behold my sister sends me a pic of her holding this bottle of Absinthe she had ordered online straight from Czechoslovakia itself.

Gonna have to make some time here for a new experience.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Movie Review

I went and saw Potter on Saturday.
Not Happy about it.
Nope not at all.

I’m not gonna ruin anything for ya if you have read the books
Hell I wont ruin anything for ya if you haven’t
This aint the book.

I know they cant put EVERYTHING into the movie from the book. I understand that they have to pick a theme and run with that as the shooting script.
I just feel they really, REALLY chose the wrong direction on this one. There first “clue” they were going in the wrong direction was that they had to add shit into the movie. If you have read the books then you know that there is nothing missing from them.
They are great fun from start to finish.
So, if you feel the need to add a scene that was purely created for the movie you gotta realize you chose the wrong path.

I will say this, there were some really funny scenes in the movie.
LOL funny in fact!
They just told the wrong bloody story. They seemed to concentrate on the relationships between the characters more then anything else.
The movie is called “the half blood prince” for a reason
not whose snogging who (whom?)

I will say this. When Snape puts his finger to his lips and to indicate “shh” to Potter near the end I loudly exclaimed “oh, that’s bullshit!” and “oompf!”
(the ommpf was from the wife’s elbow embedded in my gut for making noise during the movie.)

My recommendation?
Go ahead and go, it’s worth seeing in a theater with the big sound and all.
Just go to a cheaper matinee’ showing, don’t pay full price.

This exchange took place on the way home.
(blahblah conversation,conversation)

PHM: I won’t tell you what I thought!
Wildcat: I don’t think I want to know what was in your mind.
Me: You’ve spent 20 years in mine, what’s the difference?
Beast: There’s a hot tub in mine!
Me: Game-Set and Match to the Beast.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I hate you.

I felt a sudden need to make a list of some of the little things in life that piss me off.
This doesn't take into account all the big ticket items like injustice and prejudice and such.
Just the small, petty day to day get under your skin kinda junk.
The daily wear and tear that weighs you down.

I am sure I missed some, but these are the ones swimming at the top of my skull.

1. Crickets (the chirping and the jumping and the brown gunk when you squish them)
2. Sweating (without exertion)
3. Laugh Tracks (trust me. if it’s funny I will know when to laugh)
4. Popup windows that spawn and spawn and spawn and Good God just STOP!
5. Blame ( I get into enough problems on my own thank you very much. I don’t need you blaming me for someone else’s mess.)
6. ALL Politics (I refuse to bow to the inner-office ass kissing and all politicians are worthless)
7. Being Ignored (I don’t talk to hear my own voice, unless I am talking to myself out loud... again.)
8. Assumptions (Never assume anything about me as I do not follow any normal set parameters on anything.)
9. Lethargy (especially when I should be enjoying my children)
10. Tradition (Just cause this is the way we have always done it does not mean we should still be doing it)
11. Money (well I have never heard anyone complain about always having all the money they need.)
12. Credit (40 years old and couldn’t mortgage a pack of gum)
13. Telephones (which shows my whore-like existence as I spend the day on the phone for my job.)
14. Bites that itch. (chiggers SUCK!! Cant even see the little bastards!)
15. Rude (Mainly being interrupted or spoken over when I am speaking )
16. Hold. (I find it hard enough to wait up to 5 minutes but don’t you DARE call me and then put me on hold immediately.)
17. Showering ( Not all showers of course but I HAVE that I have to shower each and every morning to wake my body up. If I skip the shower I never fully wake up and waste the day away.)
18. Doctors (Doctors are clueless and just want to get rid of symptoms and I just don’t like the whole dentist “thing”.)
19. Small poops with big attitudes. (This is literal. No euphemisms or anything. All that work for a rabbit pellet.)
20. Peeling ( Like when you sunburn and scratch your back and it comes back wet. Then you get a crick in your arm and neck trying to peel off the rest.)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hello Again

I have survived my ordeal.
The hardest thing to beat is the boredom and the heat and one always feeds off the other. It gets too hot to do anything and you don’t wanna do anything because it’s so hot.
Got up to 113 degrees.
That sucked.

Beat and I went out Sunday morning to get some fishing in just him and me. He did great and caught 5 perch and I reeled in 2 good-sized cats.
I stuck them on a stringer and figured I would let my brother in law worry about cleaning them if he wanted them.
However, fate had other plans.
A few hours later, my daughter decided she wanted to take another look at these fine catfish specimens. She lifted up the red stringer line to admire my catch and then let it go.
Only then realizing that the stake had come out of the ground.
She realized her mistake as the string slipped off into the water.
“DADDY” she screamed and did the arm waving, feet prancing dance.
I happened to be standing just a bit off from her and looked over to see this redline slipping into the depths.
I knew it was too late but I had to try.
I did quite the spectacular flying dive across the 4 feet or so with my arm thrusting into the water in front of me. At one point, I was perfectly horizontal to the ground. SUPERMAN!!
I landed just in time to feel the string graze past my fingertips and then it was gone.
gravity and momentum had now caught up to me and were striving to send me into the water after the lost fish.
My PHM caught me as I went passed her and helped roll be back onto the dock. Only my right side got wet, the left was bone-dry.

“I am sooo sorry” she said and I knew she really was.

“S’ok.” I replied with a grin, looking down at my soaked shoe
“It was funnier THIS way.”

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Kill me now.

About a 3 hour drive from here is where my father in law grew up. It is smack in the middle of the farmland breadbasket of southwestern Kansas. The kinda place you think about when you think Kansas. Flat, brown and desolate. It's like Nebraska without all the corn.
The town he grew up in, Isabel, has a population of 12 or 13 (depending on how the local schizo is feeling that day). You would think it was a ghost town, really. Even the High School has been shut down.
Just beyond these meager settings there is a local “resort” called 99 springs. I use the term loosely as it is just a buncha summer homes around a lake. Some retirees live their year round and some houses are just used to get away. A farmer's version of Club Med. The housing is mostly comprised of mobile homes and prefab houses.

Except one.

“The Cabin.”

The term “rustic” is being very polite. It is a 1 bedroom zero bath cracker box with a kitchen and an enclosed deck.
That’s it.
There was recently (in the past 20 years or so) “some” electricity added. I mean some because there are only 2 maybe 3 outlets and they can’t all be used at the same time. Seriously, if you turn on the radio the fan slows down.
No running water (meaning no shower, sink or toilet), no TV, no cellphone service and barely any radio. The signals just cannot make it out there unless bounced off a satellite. It’s always bothered me a little that any outside communication has to go into outer space before reaching us, if at all.
There “The Cabin” sits at the top of this hill with the gravel road running past. No modern amenities, no air conditioning and no sweet, sweet porcelain to cradle my ass. Also, the trees and houses on either side have a tendency to block all but the most errant and erratic breeze. The closest place to eat is about a ½-hour drive and the only thing to go to town to do is go to Wal-Mart.
It’s not the middle of nowhere but if you stand on your toes and squint your eyes, you can see it from here.
This is my destination this weekend as it is every other year for the local family reunion. My wife and her siblings look at this as being just the treat of treats. Me? Not so much.
I don’t mind camping out , I love fishing and I don’t mind “getting away from it all.”
What I do mind is being in this sweatbox in the middle of July.
With my in-laws

Let me recap for a second here.
2 days, 8 adults (well 7 plus me) and 9 kids (ranging in age from 13 to 1), small room, no air conditioning, no bathing, no distractions and the icing on the cake? This weekend is supposed be topping off at 105 degrees.
so if you are doing the relational math that equals out to

17 hot, sweaty, dirty, smelly, exhausted humans yanking like lumberjacks on each others last nerve as the temperature raises and the insect population closes in for the massacre.

oh joy.

PS: I have been rather lax in updating here as work has been a bitch and my laptop has decided that it is tired of displaying all those pretty colors for me and has decide to trim is down to just 16 or so. I think the driver is messed up but still investigating. In addition, I was slammed at the beginning of this week with my insomnia issues. 2 almost 3 days with only catnaps to call my own and that was through my sleep medication as well.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


The New England Patriots are none too fond of cheerleaders who draw penises, swastikas and anti-Semitic slurs on drunk people.

18-year-old Caitlin Davis got the boot from the football team's cheer leading squad, the Boston Herald is reporting, after several inappropriate and downright offensive pictures featuring Davis cheifing* a drunk person were found on her Facebook page. Doesn't anyone set those things to private anymore!?

FYI -- Davis recently dressed up as an angel for the team's Halloween celebration.

*cheif -- to write, mark, shave, sud or otherwise vandalize an individual who is comatose due to over consumption of alcohol.


OK. I know bad, good and evil and the look on that chicks face is fucking evil.
OK, ok HOT and evil but still evil.
I mean I wouldn’t kick her outta bed for being evil or anything….
“Oh no! While I see your body as being proportionally exquisite and I am exceedingly attracted to your outward appearance I find you too morally repugnant to be able to “crush your guts” . Please remove yourself from my domicile until you have developed and better character and larger breasts as well.”

Mmmm yeah….no.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


How was your weekend?

Well mine was just swell.
Except for the bout of narcolepsy due to a defective pain patch, 3rd degree burn on my thumb and trying to blow up my car…twice.
Oh and lousy neighbors
Check it out..
Our neighbors to the west, We shall call them the Asslicks, started Saturday evening off by detonating some military ordinance that just about made me crap my pants.
I was sitting on my front porch watching my kids as they enjoyed their session of blowing stuff up when Mr. Asslicks (who really isn’t too bad but loses face for being attached to Mrs. Asslicks) came out of his backyard party with one of his military buddies both of them giggling like school girls.
From my perspective this “item” they had looked to be about the size of 4 D-cell batteries taped together. It was all white and candle-looking.
I should have realized something was amiss when these GIJoes set this item in the middle of the road, lit the fuse and then ran like hell.
There are not enough adjectives to accurately explain to you what this explosion was like. In all my years of blowing shit up I have never witnessed such a concussive blast.
Glass was rattled, small children we tossed to the ground, I felt a hand made of wind bitch slap me hard enough to send me from the edge of my bench to the back of my bench.
Princess High and Mighty swears she saw a mushroom cloud emitting from the spot where only debris lay now.
Wildcat came out of the house asking “What the hell was that?” She has seen the flash from this “atomic Grenade” light up the entire kitchen.
I myself only saw little bits of light flickering around and saw her lips moving as I was looking directly at the thing when it exploded. Luckily, I am already mostly deaf due to loud music and ill thrown M-80’s as a youth.
Beast was closer to the explosion then I was and his ears are more sensitive then mine by far. He cannot even take the THX boom of music before a movie. I think something got rattled loose, The boy ain't been right since.
OK maybe not THAT far. He’s OK, well as OK as he normally is.
We were cool with that if not a bit jealous.
Beast shoots off a rocket and , well, I just hadn't checked the wings on it. So it fell over and zoomed right through this gaggle of kids and under my car and explodes right under the gas tank. My daughter and I waited with abated breath, me wondering how I am going to explain a terrorist attack on a 91 Lincoln Town car in the middle of nowhere Kansas.
Luckily nothing happened.
Then Beast shot off a second rocket. This one blew right out of it's moorings and corkscrewed right toward my car again. Luckily it missed the car and exploded in the grass next to it. It was spectacular fuckery. The kind of explosion you always here narrated about on those “when rednecks attack “ videos on TV.
Then comes the hissy fit from Mrs. Asslick who swears that she is under attack by the lower life forms who live among her. Cops are called, cautions are issued and the warning of “ keep it under the treetops” is given.
One hour later The Asslicks are engaging in their own lunar excursion as they readily try to shoot the scary glowing ball out of the sky with everything ever created with shiny paper and a price tag attached to it.
I dont get mad very often but I have been known to bide my time for a perfect moment of cold revenge.
Petty? Maybe.
Tasty? Very!

PS I apologize for any disjointedness here. I have been up for 2 days and starting to feel the drain.

Friday, July 3, 2009

DEPP, FOX and other stuff

GREAT! just great! Now I have even less of a reason to hate him.
Damn you Depp and your perfection!

Depp Conjures Up Capt. Jack For London Hospital Visit

Johnny Depp thrilled sick children at a London hospital on Wednesday - by dropping in unannounced, dressed as a pirate.

The actor has been in the U.K. capital this week (beg29Jun09) to promote new movie Public Enemies, and took time out from his busy schedule to visit Great Ormond Street Hospital to cheer up young patients.

Dressed as his Pirates Of The Caribbean character Captain Jack Sparrow, he visited several wards - including the one his daughter Lily-Rose stayed in when she was treated for kidney failure in 2007.

A source tells WENN, "Johnny was so friendly with all the children on the ward and they absolutely loved his pirate outfit.

"He spoke to lots of the youngsters and staff - and made their day by posing for pictures with them all."

The generous star has previously donated $1.5 million (£1 million) to the hospital to thank them for looking after his 10-year-old daughter during her health scare.


It is a shame when someone so HOT and can sucha bitch!

It's like drawing a mustache on the mona lisa.

Bay Hits Back At 'Ridiculous' Fox

Megan Fox has been dubbed "ridiculous" by her Transformers 2 director Michael Bay, after she slammed the movie in an interview.

Fox took a swipe at the sequel in a new interview, describing it as "not a movie about acting".

She told Entertainment Weekly, "I mean, I can't s**t on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don't want to blow smoke up people's a**. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting."

Bay has laughed off the comments, but claims Fox "has growing to do".

He says, "Well, that's Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do."

Bay also boasts his movies have long been stepping stones for actors on their way up: "Nic Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in Armageddon. Shia Labeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did Transformers - and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys.

"Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in Transformers. I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films."


Um yeah, right. Have you seen her lately?Emma is such a total babe. Like the next
Elizabeth Hurley hot and she is worried about a career after Potter? People will pay her to just stand around looking pretty (Well I certainly would). Kinda oogy though after watching her grow up from 6 to the flaming hot babe of today.

Makes me feel like a creepy uncle.

Watson's Career Makeover Plans

Emma Watson has a contingency plan if her movie career ever falters - she dreams of becoming a make-up artist.

The Harry Potter star has garnered a mammoth $15 million (£10 million) fortune playing swot Hermione Granger in the wizard franchise.

And despite hauling in the cash as one of Britain's most promising young actresses, Watson insists she'd be just as happy powdering the noses of movie stars.

She explains to U.K. magazine Elle, "If I hadn't been an actress I would have happily been a make-up artist. I love make-up. Being around make-up girls all the time you pick up loads of stuff - I'll go down there at lunch and use some of their products.

"I love doing up my flatmate before she goes out, like a Girl's World!"

Thursday, July 2, 2009

WHO is next?

My money is on a 70's/80's sitcom star. Not too big but not too small.
Either that or Patrick Swayze.
Honestly I hope he goes before the remake of Red Dawn comes out.

Karl Malden (actor)
Died July 1, 2009. Born March 22, 1914. Best known as Lt. Mike Stone in The Streets of San Francisco. Among Malden's more than 50 film credits were Patton, On the Waterfront, and A Streetcar Named Desire.

Fred Travalena (comedian)
Cancer. Died June 28, 2009. Born October 6, 1942. Best known as "The Man of 1000 Faces". Travalena did impressions of celebs such as Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bob Hope. He was a regular on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

Billy Mays (pitchman)
Heart Disease. Died June 28, 2009. Born July 20, 1958. Best known as the spokesman for OxiClean, Orange Glo and many other products.

Michael Jackson (singer)
Cardiac arrest. Died June 25, 2009. Born August 29, 1958. Best known as the King of Pop. Jackson had a string of hits with the Jackson 5 before launching his solo career and the albums Thriller and Bad.

Farrah Fawcett (actress)
Cancer. Died June 25, 2009. Born February 2, 1947. Best known as a pin up girl and actress in roles such as Charlie's Angels and movie The Burning Bed.

Ed McMahon (television)
Pneumonia. Died June 23, 2009. Born March 6, 1923. Best known as Johnny Carson's sidekick on the Tonight Show. Also hosted Star Search and represented Publisher's Clearing


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

BRAIN and brain what is brain!?!

Last night I was thinking as I am often wont to do.

Follow me here...

The human brain is basically such and such size sitting in a vat of steamy juices in our skulls.
Thoughts, learning and memories are accessed and stored via electrical impulses traveling across the gray matter from A to B. This causes “thinking.”
Now, Lets say that the average working human brain is a 10 in square
(I am just using measurements as a reference, not a guideline so don’t bicker me down over centimeters here.)
So, a 30 year old person, for example, has all this stuff they have learned, know, experienced in their lives all stored in these wrinkles in the brain.
Let’s now say that point A and point B have a 6-inch wrinkle between the two and this is the biggest wrinkle to be had in the brain.
Still awake and following me? OK Just checking.
Therefore, does that mean that if “somehow” a person was able to shrink their brain size down from 10 inches to lets say 5 inches. No damage to it of course, nothing cutout or shrunk in the sun like a sponge. A mystical, magical disneyesque shrink ray is being used.
So if the brain was so much smaller in size but still contained the same mass and the brain still functioned normally then wouldn’t it be “quicker”?
Like the aforementioned, point A to point B. Instead of being a whopping 6 inches, it is now 3 inches. ½ the distance means double the speed (roughly). Sure, we are just talking nanoseconds here, I’m sure but the overall speed would be a significant improvement.
Of course, there would be a small matter of needing to cool of the brain more then it currently is being that it would heat up a lot faster as the electricity bounced back and forth.

I was sitting in the basement petting the dog (that is NOT a euphemism) watching “Dirty Jobs” and this hypothesis floated through my cranium.
Not really sure how I got from Turkey Sperm collecting (which is just freakin gross, Man! They turn the turkey on “hey sexy gobble-gobble” and then suck it out with a strawed apparatus. Doesn’t matter how you use it you are still going to be tasting Turkey Cum)
to Brain Size but such is the curse of me.