Wednesday, June 20, 2012


Ah 7 days of drinking the Disney koolaid.
It just didn’t last long enough but, alas, all good things must come to an end.
I think that is a major flaw in the really real world.

Anyway here are some tips I picked up along the way.

  1. Do not try to vacation with any group over 4 people, 5 tops. There were 12 of us and it was just too much stress trying to get and keep everyone in one pile. Like raking leaves in a tornado.
  2. No matter how you plan or what you purchase your feet are going to hurt and hurt a lot. I don’t care if you have purchased shows made from the wings of angels with the soles made of pure full blood demon hide. The average person hikes 9 miles a day at Mousekowitz and that wears on you pretty quick. By day 3 I had to rely on my cane and I NEVER rely on my cane.
  3. The benefit of staying on Disney property is you can escape back to your room and then come back later after a swim or a nap. Yeah, that’s a pile of goofy-dung there. Yes, it is feasible that this will happen and we did manage to pull it off once. The truth is that when you get back to the room you don’t wanna go back into the crowds and the heat and the walking.
  4. Speaking of Mouse property, the average 4 person meal cost is roughly 50 bucks. That comes out to be a bare minimum of $150 bucks a day (see how I mathed right there?!) Plan accordingly. If you are staying 5 days or more their dining plan might be a good option to use.
  5. You are on vacation and have a set amount of time to invest into this place so unless you plan on moving next door to the magic kingdom and hitting it every weekend you are not going to see it all. Pick out some favorites and make sure you hit those.
  6. STOP! Take a breath. Sit down and appreciate where you are and what you see. Enjoy the details. I noticed that before I went when I would mention where I was going even perfect strangers would get this glazed look and huge smile. This is the Mecca of vacation spots! People from around the world and I mean literally AROUND the WORLD, travel to this Magic Kingdom. I was surprised to hear British accents and Australian accents and someone over here speaking Italian and someone over there with a New York accent.
So stop.
Take a breath.
Look around.
  1. If you are planning on going to Universal Studios too on your trip then just go ahead and move to a hotel nearby the park for that. It is expensive to shuttle back and forth and really eats your time up too.

Now get out of the way
the line for Splash mountain is only 60 minutes long and I gotta get my brer rabbit on.


Saturday, June 9, 2012

down the rabbit hole

I don’t envy others too much.
I believe you have what you have and you got what you got. Pretty simple.
I do however envy those rose colored glasses folk.
Those people who have convinced themselves that the glass is indeed half-full and that the sun truly will come out tomorrow.
Lucky bastards.
Lucky bubbly, happy, deluded bastards.

I was thinking the other day as to where this sudden huge outbreak of depression across the world really came from. Doesn’t it seem to you that everywhere you turn nowadays someone is being beat over the head with depression.
Plus depression is a emotional herpes, it never truly just goes away but keeps resurfacing over and over again always lurking in the background.

One theory I readily suspect is it is partially because of technology or more to the point the shrinking of the known world. Now that everyone and everything is fully connected we can more fully see the blandness of the world around us. This is basically causing what is called Depressive Realism. I’m not going to bore you with studies and facts and stuff. What this means is a condition where a person has a more accurate perception of reality and sees it for the dull battleship grey it is. It is the middle ground between the horribly depressed and the manically deluded.
Basically we are the dumbasses who swallowed the red pill and followed Morpheus down the rabbit hole only to wake up naked and scared, swimming in our own crap soup.
Why oh Why didn’t I swallow the blue pill.
Put me back in Agent Smith, I wanna go home.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Help me help you.

When you are having an issue, any issue really where you need to call a helpdesk there are some things you need to know.

  1. Don’t eat while on the phone. The sounds is magnified by the phone and it is really rather rude. Also, unless you are trapped under a burning ceiling rafter don’t use the speaker phone and even then think twice.
  2. A conversation works like this; you speak, then I speak, then you speak, then I speak. Speaking at the same time I am will cause you to miss vital information and really piss me off. If there is a pause don’t feel the need to interject with a “hello” or “are you there?” I am on a land line so if you are on a land line too then the connection can be relied upon to stay connected. I am more than likely thinking of the best fix for you and can’t be constantly making noise to mollify your fears of a dropped call.
  3. Try to help yourself before calling. It can really save a lot of time if you discover your computer is not plugged in before calling me.
  4. Remember that I am not in the same room as you so you have to be my senses. If you can’t be bothered to see where a cable goes then we are done because I can’t see where it goes either.
  5. When you call about a specific object please have that item in front of you. More than likely I am actually going to have you interact with the item in question and having it across the room does neither of us any good.
  6. Technology is neat but it is not magic. If it seems like magic to you please stop using it.
  7. You would not call a garage mechanic for instructions on how to do a U-turn so do not call me to ask me how to do your job. It is not my fault you are not trained. If it’s broke I can fix it the rest is up to you.
  8. If you are not going to listen and do what I say to try and resolve the issue then why did you call? Listen to me. If I say “unplug the power cable” that doesn’t mean start yanking cables at random. If I say “start yanking cables at random” don’t just pull the power cable.
  9. I only know what you tell me so starting with a brief statement of “It don’t work.” is not going to get us very far. Also “It said something about something” is equally just as worthless.
  10. Do not call the help desk to have us teach you how to use Windows, Excel, Word, navigate a website, operate a browser or code in HTML. If you are using a computer you should already know this. If you don’t know how to do something involved with an application, just do what I do. GOOGLE IT!
  11. Your station in life means more to you then it does me. Telling me how important you are is as pointless as me telling you what I had for lunch. You are a voice on the phone to me and even if you dropped dead in mid sentence it wouldn’t even be a blip in my day. Therefore getting snarky at me for something I have no control over is just gonna piss me off and you will be moved to the back of every line I can find. I understand you are frustrated and exasperated I am too.
  12. I am not expecting you to be a technical dictionary but when you call saying your modem isn’t working when you mean your computer monitor is off is going to send us in a whole different direction and waste valuable time.

These might read as petty little inconveniences but when you have to deal with these on a daily, hourly basis it gets old quick. Remember that common courtesy goes a long way and we have already made a decision and judgment on what kind of caller you are within the first 20 seconds.
At the most, these tips will help the person who is trying to help you and at the very least, they will keep them from crawling through the phone line and strangling you.

*sigh* if only…..