Friday, February 19, 2010

your eyes are getting heavy.

As some of you may know sleep and I have never been good friends. I like her but she has so very little to do with me.
I have been unfortunate enough to have spent most of my adult life fucking up one of the most easiest bodily functions known to man.

How hard can it be to sleep?

Its been an ordeal for the past oh.. probably started around 16 or so. So were looking at 25 years of going through every sleep disorder there is.
I take that back I can think of 1 right now I have not experienced. Narcolepsy.
But apnea, sleep walking, sleep talking, sleep sex, sleep paralysis,etc,etc.

yup been through the lot.

I remember most of it too which is rather unfortunate really.
I can recall
  • I was babysitting my niece and nephew and I jumped outta bed and ran into the kitchen to have a discussion with my sister (their mom) then she went downstairs to bed and I went back to bed. Next morning in dawned on me what had happened and that not only did she not live with me or did I have a bed in the basement but she never showed up either.
  • I have seen golden Christmas tinsel tentacles coming out of the bathroom door.
  • I have woken the wife trying to figure out what the weird thing in the hallway was. It was just the fan.
  • I have been frozen in terror as a dark figure stood over the bed and loomed menacingly. Read later that this IS an actual form of sleep terror and is rather common.
  • I have gone to bed and gotten up 15 minutes later and was wondering why I was so tired as I got ready for work.
  • I have spent 4 days straight wide awake.
  • When I was a lad I slept so light that when my mom would come in to wake me for school I would wake up just by feeling the air displacement when she walked in the room .(I shit you not.)
  • Last Wednesday night I took a pain killer, 2 Skelaxins, 1 Clonazepan, a Tizanidine and a Benadryl (not all at once though.) I woke up feeling rested for the FIRST TIME IN AT LEAST A DECADE. Do you realize how much that sucked? For one thing I finally got the 1 thing I had been striving for after so long. So now I have tasted the forbidden fruit and have to live with the knowledge that it is obtainable all I have to do is poison myself into an coma like state.
  • I snore so loud I can be heard throughout the house. I sometimes even wake me up.
  • OH! and the big ol' sleep jerk just as you doze off? Yeah I can come a good 4 to 6 inches up off the bed or twitch so violently that all the covers are thrown across the room. I usually spasm so hard that I wake myself up doing it, which is convenient for the wife as she makes me go get the flying blankets and such.
(not all at once though!) I went comatose at 930ish and actually felt rested after a nights sleep for the
Basically my main issues is falling asleep and staying there. Now days I take some drugs to help get me there and hold me down while my body tries to recharge. It really sucks.
On the plus side I have become quite the armchair expert in all kinds of sleep disorders.
So with all that being said I will now segue into one of the most charming sites I have ever ran into.

Sleep Talkin' Man

Funniest thing I have seen/read so far this year.
Totally worth the time.
Its badgertastic.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

'splain'n to do.

Oh I gotta explain myself from a few days ago.

I have a temper. BAD temper.

I still remember the first time when this became apparent…


I was but a young lad around the age of 5ish or so (under 10) when church had let out and off I dashed to go play with my church buddies outside. I was good during church so this was my “reward”!
Bad boys don’t get to do what they want to. Bad boys have to stay with in arms reach of their mothers.


I was running off down the middle aisle, thinking happy thoughts when this arm reaches out and snags me.
A friend of my moms
She really meant no harm, she was just playing around.
She tossed me over her knee and was going to “spank me”. again not for reals.
I freaking lost my shit.
Screaming yelling punching kicking thrashing about like a fish outta water. A really pissed off fish.
Finally my mom heard my screams and came over to find out what was going on.
There was this poor lady holding me down across her knee too scared now to let me up.
Horrified the lady looks at my mom and says “I was just playing around!”
“He doesn’t know that or care right now.” My mom replies “ I got him now let go and move fast.”
She did.
There I stood in the middle of the pews still having this satanic epileptic fit. Turning red, screaming, flailing all about.
Wet cat pissed off.
I literally could not see a thing it was all red and black. I was blind with fury.
My mom held my arms and tried to get me to shut up (or down either one)
Finally she had to give me a firm hard shake and almost yell
“ZOMBEE it’s mother.”
That cut through the anger straight to the disciplined core.
I calmed down
I settled down
I went out and played (I think?)


That’s my major character flaw that I have had always to keep in check.
I think that is a very large reason as to why I am so easy going and so easy to get along with.
Shit just rolls off me like water off a duck.
It is VERY hard to ruffle my feathers and I most of life in stride.
The great and mighty cancer sticks help too. Honestly I am afraid I would be in jail by now without them.
They help cut the edges off.
While under the influence of “losing my shit” I have...
  • While working in a retail warehouse I lept in the air and punched a huge dent in a steel playground slide.
  • Threw a clipboard so hard it shattered into a billion pieces upon impact.
  • Destroyed countless items of value or worth to me while trying to get myself under control and not hurting anyone around me.
  • Head-butted my best friend at the time.
  • Put my fist through a 2 by 4 in my room at my mothers house.
Etc etc etc you get the picture.

It is very rare for me to lose my temper and one of the scary things is I don’t make more noise when I get mad, I make less. I get real quiet. I don’t shout it out at all.
It’s the whole eye of the storm thing.
It is at that point I can either be pushed over the edge or given some time I can reel it all back in and unclench.
Well Monday I was not given that chance to unclench and I boiled over.
  • Rough day at work. *Temper flare*
My son, the Beast, went in for an eye exam on Monday.
  • His eyes are now worse then mine (and mine are bad AND 30 years older). +2 to temper
  • His glasses cost $400 bucks. +1 to temper
  • They took his glasses for 7 to 10 days to get them fitted. +3 to temper
  • Once again my wife did not think it necessary to give me any of this information. +5 to temper
*I am now past boiling point*
  • I had to learn it all 2nd hand as she and my mom-in-law discussed it. +5 to temper.
  • Shouting match with Mom-in-law. +3 to temper
Not sure what happened after that but I do know I was not given the chance to chill out.
*Houston we have lost our shit.*
As you may have then read earlier I did try to calm down by dropping some words down on the blog.
It helped. a bit.
It distracted me which then allows me a chance to not dwell and to chillax.

And that, as they say, is that.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Need to chill

I am in the pissest of pissy moods.
I want to break some bones and dont care if their mine
or someone elses.
I am in a vigilante mood.
I want to break shit and destroy.
Fuck if I really know.
Came over all sudden like.

Need to chill
need to breathe
need to unclench
Hate the world

I wanna get off.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Let kids be kids

Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children

By Jan Hunt, M.Sc.

1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready.

We ask an infant to keep quiet. We ask a 2-year-old to sit still. We ask a 4-year-old to clean his room. In all of these situations, we are being unrealistic. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and setting up the child for repeated failures to please us. Yet many parents ask their young children to do things that even an older child would find difficult. In short, we ask children to stop acting their age.

2. We become angry when a child fails to meet our needs.

A child can only do what he can do. If a child cannot do something we ask, it is unfair and unrealistic to expect or demand more, and anger only makes things worse. A 2-year-old can only act like a 2-year-old, a 5-year-old cannot act like a 10-year-old, and a 10-year-old cannot act like an adult. To expect more is unrealistic and unhelpful. There are limits to what a child can manage, and if we don't accept those limits, it can only result in frustration on both sides.

3. We mistrust the child's motives.

If a child cannot meet our needs, we assume that he is being defiant, instead of looking closely at the situation from the child's point of view, so we can determine the truth of the matter. In reality, a "defiant" child may be ill, tired, hungry, in pain, responding to an emotional or physical hurt, or struggling with a hidden cause such as food allergy. Yet we seem to overlook these possibilities in favor of thinking the worst about the child's "personality".

4. We don't allow children to be children.

We somehow forget what it was like to be a child ourselves, and expect the child to act like an adult instead of acting his age. A healthy child will be rambunctious, noisy, emotionally expressive, and will have a short attention span. All of these "problems" are not problems at all, but are in fact normal qualities of a normal child. Rather, it is our society and our society's expectations of perfect behavior that are abnormal.

5. We get it backwards.

We expect, and demand, that the child meet our needs - for quiet, for uninterrupted sleep, for obedience to our wishes, and so on. Instead of accepting our parental role to meet the child's needs, we expect the child to care for ours. We can become so focussed on our own unmet needs and frustrations that we forget this is a child, who has needs of his own.

6. We blame and criticize when a child makes a mistake.

Yet children have had very little experience in life, and they will inevitably make mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of learning at any age. Instead of understanding and helping the child, we blame him, as though he should be able to learn everything perfectly the first time. To err is human; to err in childhood is human and unavoidable. Yet we react to each mistake, infraction of a rule, or misbehavior with surprise and disappointment. It makes no sense to understand that a child will make mistakes, and then to react as though we think the child should behave perfectly at all times.

7. We forget how deeply blame and criticism can hurt a child.

Many parents are coming to understand that physically hurting a child is wrong and harmful, yet many of us forget how painful angry words, insults, and blame can be to a child who can only believe that he is at fault.

8. We forget how healing loving actions can be.

We fall into vicious cycles of blame and misbehavior, instead of stopping to give the child love, reassurance, self-esteem, and security with hugs and kind words.

9. We forget that our behavior provides the most potent lessons to the child.

It is truly "not what we say but what we do" that the child takes to heart. A parent who hits a child for hitting, telling him that hitting is wrong, is in fact teaching that hitting is right, at least for those in power. It is the parent who responds to problems with peaceful solutions who is teaching his child how to be a peaceful adult. So-called problems present our best opportunity for teaching values, because children learn best when they are learning about real things in real life.

10. We see only the outward behavior, not the love and good intentions inside the child.

When a child's behavior disappoints us, we should, more than anything else we do, "assume the best". We should assume that the child means well and is only behaving as well as possible considering all the circumstances (both obvious and hidden from us), together with his level of experience in life. If we always assume the best about our child, the child will be free to do his best. If we give only love, love is all we will receive.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

be back soon.

You have not successfully soldered something until you have sacrificed some skin to the hot solder gods.
be back soon.