As some of you may know sleep and I have never been good friends. I like her but she has so very little to do with me.
I have been unfortunate enough to have spent most of my adult life fucking up one of the most easiest bodily functions known to man.
How hard can it be to sleep?
Its been an ordeal for the past oh.. probably started around 16 or so. So were looking at 25 years of going through every sleep disorder there is.
I take that back I can think of 1 right now I have not experienced. Narcolepsy.
But apnea, sleep walking, sleep talking, sleep sex, sleep paralysis,etc,etc.
yup been through the lot.
I remember most of it too which is rather unfortunate really.
I can recall
- I was babysitting my niece and nephew and I jumped outta bed and ran into the kitchen to have a discussion with my sister (their mom) then she went downstairs to bed and I went back to bed. Next morning in dawned on me what had happened and that not only did she not live with me or did I have a bed in the basement but she never showed up either.
- I have seen golden Christmas tinsel tentacles coming out of the bathroom door.
- I have woken the wife trying to figure out what the weird thing in the hallway was. It was just the fan.
- I have been frozen in terror as a dark figure stood over the bed and loomed menacingly. Read later that this IS an actual form of sleep terror and is rather common.
- I have gone to bed and gotten up 15 minutes later and was wondering why I was so tired as I got ready for work.
- I have spent 4 days straight wide awake.
- When I was a lad I slept so light that when my mom would come in to wake me for school I would wake up just by feeling the air displacement when she walked in the room .(I shit you not.)
- Last Wednesday night I took a pain killer, 2 Skelaxins, 1 Clonazepan, a Tizanidine and a Benadryl (not all at once though.) I woke up feeling rested for the FIRST TIME IN AT LEAST A DECADE. Do you realize how much that sucked? For one thing I finally got the 1 thing I had been striving for after so long. So now I have tasted the forbidden fruit and have to live with the knowledge that it is obtainable all I have to do is poison myself into an coma like state.
- I snore so loud I can be heard throughout the house. I sometimes even wake me up.
- OH! and the big ol' sleep jerk just as you doze off? Yeah I can come a good 4 to 6 inches up off the bed or twitch so violently that all the covers are thrown across the room. I usually spasm so hard that I wake myself up doing it, which is convenient for the wife as she makes me go get the flying blankets and such.
Basically my main issues is falling asleep and staying there. Now days I take some drugs to help get me there and hold me down while my body tries to recharge. It really sucks.
On the plus side I have become quite the armchair expert in all kinds of sleep disorders.
So with all that being said I will now segue into one of the most charming sites I have ever ran into.
Sleep Talkin' Man
Funniest thing I have seen/read so far this year.
Totally worth the time.