Friday, December 26, 2014
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to your doctor.
18. All guns are loaded.
19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23. A handshake beats an autograph.
24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature. 27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It’s never too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose with booze.
35. If you have the right of way, take it.
36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38. Never push someone off a dock.
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
41. Don’t make a scene.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in good luggage.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit. Take blame.
50. Suck it up every now and again.
51. Never be the last one in the pool. 52. Don’t stare.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit it when you’re wrong.
57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus driver.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least one good joke.
63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64. Know how to cook one good meal.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with your mother/father.
69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank the host.
71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
75. Keep your word.
76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. 77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what you do, not what you say.
82. Learn to change a tire.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don’t litter.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the little things count.
91. Always wear a bra at work.
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93. You’re never too old to need your mom.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95. Know the words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at strangers.
98. Make goals.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Everyone is saying that Sony goofed up and should have never have bowed to the terrorists.
Well yes and no.
Sure its was blatant terrorism and an affront to one of Americas most deep seated rights, the freedom of speech.
However, Sony had to back out because NO ONE WAS GOING TO SHOW THE MOVIE.
Whats the point of releasing a movie when the only places showing it is Clem’s garage and tire emporium and somewhere is Iowa? Everyone’s lawyers said “you would be liable” so the theaters all backed out.
Secondly I do not want to go to war over James Franco's goofy face. George Clooney sure but never Franco.
Thirdly anything we do now we get a black-eye. If we enforce this insipid movie and said “dammit screw it all we want to see this and no nation will stop us!” well don’t we then look stupid? Like eating a entire cake just because someone told us we couldn’t with our loved ones just throwing their hands up in exasperation going “whatever, you are an idiot”
but if we ignore it then we have a chance of looking weak to the rest of the world opening the floodgates for similar acts.
I don’t know the answer here but some things are obvious North Korea cant take a joke and they are going to be the butt of a lot of them for a long time now and the saga of the Sony movie is not over
The world has permanently changed forever because of it though
Friday, December 19, 2014
I was outside at dusk changing a lightbulb in my porch-light.
I had my cordless drill out to use and was standing on a step-stool. I had just finished screwing in the Phillips screw and was changing bits to switch to standard when I dropped the bit. I felt it hit my foot and then heard it hit some dried leaves on the ground to my right.
Well I've got an idea where it dropped so I finished what I was doing then jumped off the porch and went looking for it.
Nope no luck. I went up the 2 steps back into the house. Got a flashlight and went back down the 2 steps and went looking for it. Still nothing. Which is odd because I heard it hit leaves and these are the only ones near me? Figure fine ill just look tomorrow when there is more light.
Went to go back in the house and
there on the top step. Right in the middle of the step, where I had just been twice.
Laying perfectly lateral to the edge, like it had been placed there
was the bit.
my wife was standing there watching me the whole time and I just stopped dead.
"Did you put that there" I asked her I guess thinking she had some kind of Jedi mind powers and was using it to move this bit around to mess with me. Hey we were newlyweds so we still had skeletons in closets.
Yeah there goes the Jedi theory.
Friday, December 12, 2014
This is heart wrenching. It pains me so very deeply to read this. As both a victim and a parent.
Pardon me while I think out-loud:
Your life is a grand and exciting movie and 12 years old is way too soon to leave the show. At 12 the opening credits haven't even stopped rolling.
Every school has bullies in it. Always have and unfortunately always will. Being a kid is damn hard sometimes. Harder then it should be. These are supposed to be your best years. The years you look back at and wax nostalgic about.
I was bullied in school. Its not rare a lot of people were/are.
It is a demeaning and exhausting thing to be relentlessly pounded on.
Verbally and physically.
At least physically you have evidence of the hurt. The continued verbal attacks can be so much worse
a bruise heals but a emotional scar lasts a lifetime.
My children were brought up to be different. To not be a sheeple.
This did open them up to being bullied for being different but they also understand everyone is different and special in their own way.
Being your own person is very important.
Demeaning someone because they dont fit into your mindset is a mark of a very small minded person.
Kids are small minded mainly because they are kids but also because of what they have been taught by their parents.
I cannot fathom the amount of pain this family is feeling.
Losing your child this way must be horrendous. Losing one of my children ....I cant even grasp how a parent is able to take their next breath. My nephew was killed by an inattentive driver about 5 years ago and the strength my sister has had to dig deep for is remarkable.
An accident is one thing
but this...this is beyond awful.
This was avoidable.
This is someones fault.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
I used to be smart.
Like scary smart. I could read 4 books at once Recite Shakespeare I could run the board while watching jeopardy When my dad would be watching Wheel of Fortune I would just be passing through the room and yell the solution before I got 3 steps away. I would latch onto a subject and immerse myself completely in it until I had consumed every scrap of knowledge I could lay my hand on then go onto the next. In High School I wanted to get out of the first 3 hours of my day so on a whim went and took the ASVAB test (Armed Service Vocational Aptitude Battery of tests) When the results came back and I can still recall this like it was yesterday, the recruiter sat me down and handed me this really big 3 ring binder and said "Young man, with your test results you qualify for every position in this folder" Then he handed me another "and this one" And another "and this one" And 3 more "and all of these" "You qualify for every job that we have to offer except Jet Fighter pilot and that is just because you wear glasses. You could go into anything even the CIA if you wanted to. Only 1 person in the state scored higher than you." Did I take him up on his offer? No of course not. Why? Because at the time I was a rebel with issues with authority In retrospect it was more along the lines of being lazy and dumb probably scared too. Yeah didn't you know smart people can be dumb? I just can't plan for the future. The future me is a whole nother person. One I really have never cared much about. Anyway getting back on track here I was intelligent. I was rockin an IQ of around 145 to 147 points. I didn't realize that I was THAT smart, I just knew I thought different than everyone else. Yeah I'm bragging a bit here but I can because that was my thing. I'm not handsome or outgoing or rich but this. I had this. Had. Now it's gone. You see, a couple of years ago I was trying, for lack of a better term, trying to get my shit together. I had fallen on some hard times. Well harder times, my whole life hasn't been a bed of roses at a rock concert. I was on antidepressants and ADHD meds. When I was on those I was literally sleeping my life away. I was sleeping on my lunch at work and then going to bed really early as well as sleeping away at least 1 day of the weekend. I lost so much of my kids growing up. Time I can never get back and for that I loathe me,
but that is a separate story all together. Anyway I pitched the drugs.
Figured I would just deal. Once they were out of my system I realized that time wasn't all I had lost. I wasn't as smart as I used to be. My brain doesn't move as quick as it used to.
Sure I'm older too but the connections are not as sharp and I cannot recall as well as I could. I used to have an eidetic memory. I could recall a memory so concise that I could walk into the memory and look around and see elements I may have missed. This memory was really awesome No one could best me at Trivial Pursuit especially the silver screen edition (If you haven't figured it out yet I have really squandered my talents) But now its all been dialed back to dull.
I dont think I can get it back.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
I was thinking the other day, with everything a good dad does to raise his child right it is so very rare for that child to get a chance to do anything back for their dad.
When my dad went into the hosptal for some simple exploratory in and out work, he coded on the table.
They go him back but they didnt expect him to last the night.
I can still recall the attending physicians coming by every couple of hours saying "it wont be soon now"
My dad showed them. He got better.
He ended up in a semi-private room bu he was in bad shape.
days go by.
My mom informs me that he is coming in each day to my father in deplorable situations.
Sitting in his feces for hours, til it is cold and hard.
Rings for the nurse going unheeded or very slow to return for something as simple as a drink of water.
Just a air of not caring.
As soon as I heard this I decided That is MY dad and that is not happening.
I found out the board of directors names and went straight for the CEO.
I had no way of contacting him directly so I wrote a letter.
I explained to him what was happening and that my mother was doing the work of 2 nurses.
I wasnt mean about it or belligerent but I pointed out how I expected my father to be taken care of. That a loved one in such a position we rely on the hospital to care for our loved ones. I dont recall the entirety of the message but it was quite good, if I do say so myself.
I dont know what I was expecting but I couldnt do nothing.
A couple of days later my mother calls me that my dad has been moved to a private suite at no cost. both she and I received a letter and a call from him expressing his sincere regret to the conditions and how he agreed with me 100% about the care. He did a couple of other things but I cant recall them.It was cool of him.
When I went to visit my dad in his new room he managed to tell me thank you, that the improvements were all thanks to me.
It was nothing, it was the least I could do for the man who made me who I am.
I wish I could have done more but at least I got that 1 thing.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I have two views on this.
I think it is supremly great that one human stood up for a second human and said
"no. this is not going to happen."
That makes me feel that we are not just one giant cesspool of "all for me" parasites.
This makes me feel better about humanity as a whole.
I do think she went too far.
The crazy asian lady was being intimidating but hadnt touched anyone (that I could see)
Did she deserve having her ass kicked? sure. Maybe she will think twice,
Did she learn her lesson after the first kicking of the ass? no she came back
.....Ok I have just one view on this.
Some people have to have the lesson beat into them.
You go She-Hulk on the LA subway train thingy.
You are my hero.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
You start to die the day you are born.
Its been going on since the first man ever walked the earth so its no surprise.
People die ever day.
There is an old joke where U2 is in concert and Bono has just finished giving a stirring rendition of ONE. The spotlight snaps to him and he starts a rythmic clap
CLAP pause CLAP pause CLAP
Then he says in a voice that fills the auditorium
"Every time I clap a child dies"
A voice from way back in the back yells out
"THEN STOP CLAPPIN YA EVIL BASTARD!!"
11 years ago my superman died.
When you are young you dont even register that one day you wont have a mom or dad anymore.
To a kid they are the closest thing to a god that your little mind can fathom.
Your dad knows everything and he can do everything.
He is your idea of what a man is.
You get older and the world sneaks in and teaches you that your dad is human and he makes mistakes.
He is not perfect and you put the cape away because he is certainly no superman.
you grow up
way back in the back of your mind.
back in the corner.
Hidden behind the stack of every school paper ever
wedged between the incredible hulk lunchbox and the box of old 45s
is that one thought.
"thats my daddy"
Its never lost its shine and there isn't a single speck of dust on it.
Its always there and it is a integral part of who you are.
I guess nowadays I should count myself as lucky to have had my dad in my life, lotta people don't get that.
I hope my children can appreciate that their daddy will always be there for them too
standing in the back
wedged between the spiderman backpack and a box of old pokemon cards
Monday, September 15, 2014
Gee I know momma said there would be days like this but I seriously have not had a single bright point in my life since 2000.
I think there should be more to life then “well at least I am breathing”
People in comas breathe.
In just keeps getting worse and worse and darker and darker.
I’m not just complaining here to be complaining I am actively trying to find a way out of this swamp but as soon as I think I have found one something else jumps onto the pile forcing me deeper into the mud.
I try looking for the silver lining
I try looking for something good
I guess I’m just missing it.
It sucks, at least to me it does, that all my woes could be solved with a suitable application of large sums of cash. Makes me feel shallow and coated in failure.
I could be walking on sunshine right now if I just had enough money to remove this yoke. For just the meager sum of $225,000.00 I could be free and clear and running smoothly
Maybe I just ought to write to Mr. Gates or Mr. Buffet and ask them for a handout. They are altruistic maybe they will take pity on me.
(I was going to list out all my new issues but it just made me too damn depressed)
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Yesterday on 08/11/2014 the world lost the funniest man that ever walked across its crust.
Robin Williams took his own life yesterday.
He was in such a hurry to leave this world that when slitting his wrist did not work he then decided to hang himself.
That, my friends, is pain.
Living your life in so much pain that the very thought of taking another breath just overwhelms you.
That is depression.
This wonderful man who, at any moment, could have walked up to a complete and total stranger and they would have given him nothing but accolades and praise.
That is how depression gets you though. It tricks you into thinking you have no worth.
This man who gave the world so much laughter was crying inside.
The booze and drugs were his way of just trying to self-medicate away the pain.
The booze and drugs were his way of just trying to self-medicate away the pain.
Just for a bit,
just a little moment so he could finally draw a full breath.
But no, depression doesn’t allow you these moments of respite.
Depression stands there and beats on you.
It beats on you and berates you and kicks you, even when you are down.
It hits you again and again and again
and again and again
Mr. Williams didn’t know me personally but I knew him.
I met him the first time when he was at Al’s in Milwaukee
When my love affair with Sci-Fi was just beginning he told me he was from the planet Ork
When I wanted to just laugh, he took me to the Met.
He played a GREAT board game with me
He showed me the world from Agrabah,
We fought the pirates in Neverland
And saved the rainforest in Ferngully
And woke me up in Vietnam
He showed me he could be an inventor and an invention
a doctor and a psychopath
a teacher and a 10 year old boy
A king and a nanny
A President, a priest, a father, a husband
And a penguin
And now he is gone.
and we are the lesser for it.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
It’s really a wonder I don’t drink.
Let me rephrase that
It is a wonder that I do not drink until I am completely blotto each and every night.
I’m not going to run down the entire list here, it is too extensive, I will just hit some of the high points of my low points.
just off the top of my head here we have (in no particular order)
depression, wife recovering from breast cancer, daughter had knee surgery due to arthritis at just 17 years of age, son broke his knee cap and had to have knee surgery, mom needs knee surgery but going in for cataract surgery, daughter’s cars airbags started smoking yesterday. Oh and let’s not forget foreclosure (luckily averted but it was a stressful time indeed) and getting a second job all the while losing more feeling in my foot due to pinched nerve.
Oh and that’s on top of all the normal day to day stress like the A/C unit blew up, daughter starting college, car is on its last legs, etc.etc.
You know that show “the lottery ruined my life” well all of my current and long standing problems can be solved by a suitable application of cash. So those people were just dumb. Not ignorant because that denotes the ability to learn and change. They are just plain dumb.
Dumb and greedy.
Maybe I should just start a kickstarter or a fundme project to see if the rest of the world would chip in a buck or two.
I don’t whine though.
Not much at least.
Ok so this post would be the closest I come to whining.
I do wonder what kind of gypsy curse I am under.
Or who I was in a past life that the good stuff seems to avoid me like I have the plague..
It’s really a wonder I don’t drink.
Friday, May 30, 2014
I dont own an automatic weapon and I doubt I ever will. I do own a lovely 16 guage shotgun though and it is really pretty and fun to use. Its mine and no one is going to take it away from me.
I am not part of the NRA and I think anyone that owns over 7 guns has way too much spare cash.
I am thinking of the latest fruit loop who shot 7 innocent people because he couldn't get laid.
The prevalence of firearms is not the issue here. Someones ability to buy a gun is not the cause of them becoming a serial killer. They are going to do what they are going to do no matter what weapon they have on hand.
If we didnt have guns in the united states we would have more axe murderers and knifing. By trying to take away the guns you are not solving anything, you are just taking away a tool.
I know I am not making a strong case here. I am just talking off the top of my head.
Stop with the "Take away the guns!" and lets channel our focus into more important matters, like getting the nation up and running a prosperous again.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
We have a lady at my office from Scotland. She has just the lovilest lilt to her voice. I could listen to her read the phonebook and still be enraptured just by her accent.
A few months back her and I were out having a smoke and for one reason or another, I cant recall, I laid my Scottish accent on her.
"Oh that's definitely Glasgow ." was her reply. "If not Glasgow directly then one of the seaboard cities nearby."
This pleased me.
I was so happy to know that my accent is good.
I knew it was passable but maybe a bit cartoony at best.
Then to be told that my accent is good enough that a native Scot can even tell me what part of Scotland my accent is from.
Well that just made my day.
Monday, May 19, 2014
He was my wife and I's first dog. A German Shepard/Irish Setter/Chow mix. Smart as a whip and a ferocious teddy bear. Anyone or thing that entered his backyard without prior written permission died. I regularly removed birds and squirrels and cats that did not have the proper documentation. Yet he would let my cousins crawl over him like a jungle gym. They could even touch his food while he was eating and he wouldn't mind. He'd just look up at them as if to say "Hey not done!"
One day he ran at the gate and the wind blew it open for him.
He stood straining on his leash just outside the fence, basking in his new found freedom I would suppose.
The gate rebounded and slammed shut on his leash.
Its been 20 years and I still miss that big lug.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
I have a theory that I have been pondering for some time that I would like learned input on. It's been postulated that "ghosts" are known for regularly sucking the juice out of batteries from devices (i.e. cameras, recorders, etc.) and that this is a common occurrence. It has been noted before that such a power drain is common before an "experience" as if the presence were siphoning off the energy for its own use.
With that in mind couldn’t a device be created that could oscillate through the common ranges of human bio-energy signatures and provide extra energy to an area to help force a stronger, if not physical, manifestation?
I am thinking about 4 to 6 electrified steel rods as a device used to pump energy into an area, say a average 4'x6' room, which would match the general harmonic energies given off by the human body.
In essence, this would be akin to force feeding a presence the energy that it would normally leech off. Where the end outcome would hopefully be a more substantial and significant encounter.
I am sure such a device would be rather simplistic in nature to create but would it be a practical device to use within a known haunting or within an investigation? Would this be a device worth the time, effort and cost to design and create or am I off on the practice behind the theory?
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Let me hear your Body Talk
In this episode of SciShow, Hank Green explains our tears.
Here is the link in a nutshell
Basically there are 3 kinds of tears.
One is always there to keep your eyeballs moist, one is to flush out irritants and the 3rd is emotional.
Now here is the cool part.
The first to are mostly plain water but the third is chock full of all kinds of proteins and hormones.
When you are sad you brain tells the body “hey I’m feeling sad”
This causes all kinds of stress and your body, doing as it is supposed to do, starts generating all these stress hormones and junk (junk is indeed the scientific term)
Then the body uses the tears to help flush these excess stress chemicals out of the body.
Cool, right but that’s not all
Being that we are social animals they also have the secondary purpose of nonverbal communication.
Meaning that tears flow and this singles other humans that you are in distress.
This is supposed to garner well wishes and comforting from your social network. Social network just means other humans and not Facebook.
Also there is no crying in baseball.
It truly is quite an amazing machine that we drive around in each day.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Once when I was a younger lad and was working in retail I was super tired. I mean dog ass tired. I also was on a 12 day with no break ass busting schedule at work.
So, being super intelligent I decided that I needed a spark
I ate 2 Vivarin to give me said spark and headed to work
If you do not know what a Vivarin is it is a caffeine pill that is 200mg of caffeine or equal to 2 cups of coffee.
On the way to work I was still feeling tired so I took 2 more
Then half way there I took 2 more
Then once I arrived I took 2 more
Then just as I started my shift I, yup you guessed it, I took 2 more
So now I have 2000mg of caffeine surging through my system
2000 milligrams equals 2 grams
Luckily its takes on an average 100 grams to kill a man so I was safe there
But I felt awful
I was nauseous and I was in the physical state where it doesn’t matter what you do, you feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t sit, stand lay down or hop about on one foot
It all felt bad.
I went home after about 4 hours as I was not getting any better.
Finally after about 16 hours I started to unwind.
Did I learn my lesson?
Back in 2000 I was working in Kansas City and was having back pain
To alleviate said pain I was taking a Tylenol and ibuprofen mix every morning
Started out with just 2 Tylenol and 2 ibuprofen every morning and it steadily grew
By the end of 3 weeks I was taking 10 Tylenol and 10 ibuprofen every morning
I should have died from a toxic overdose
What I ended up doing was killing off all the beneficial bacteria in my gut.
I made myself lactose intolerant.
I finally realized what I was doing and cut it out and so far my liver is fine and I can enjoy drinking milk again
Ice Cream still affects me in a disastrous way, which is a high penalty for my stupidity.
Moral of the story is
Pay attention to what you ingest.