Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I am crying

I was sitting here cruising the net and watching "The Mentalist" and my lovely daughter comes running and screams "I'm stupid!" and drops to her knees clutching her ear.
Now I love PHM but she is 13 and sometimes quite dingy.
This was NOT that much of a life altering announcement.

It seems that oh brilliant one was playing with her earring at the top of her ear "seeing what it would look like" with her ear pierced there
and how she pushed too hard and pierced her own ear.
This is when the theatrics start as she tries to convince her mom and I that she has "accidentally" pierced her ear.

She really thinks I am an idiot.
I don't think she thought it would hurt as much as it did.

pS- when confronted she failed the "I am truly innocent" by 110%. Meaning not only did she fail but she is probably guilty of something else as well.

I talked to her later about how dumb does she really think we are. She admitted it was a rather lame attempt. I give her props though for acting ability, it was a believable performance. Just not a believable situation.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Beer Pong Everywhere

Enjoying beer along Pool/Beach side is the most refreshing activity that we all look forward to in summers. Well, the Poolside Beer Pong might just leave an ear-to-ear smile on your face for it can re-create the idea of beer-bong for you. The game and standard set of rules are same, its just that its inflatable and comes with a tote bag. If one still needed any confirmation about its credibility, let me tell you that this Poolside Pong bagged the first position at CNBC Million Dollar Ideas.
The hell of advantage here is that this lets you plat Beer Pong anywhere and everywhere. It is made from High Quality PVC Plastic so you don’t have to check if its really worth its price of $50. It ships with a regulation game play set up, a deflation and inflation nozzle and of course, the Tote bag. After having seen this, I wonder if you’d be able to imagine a top-notch beach outing without this one.

Also no more of those annoying bathroom breaks during the game!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Lucky me

This is what woke me up at 4am this morning.
If you cant quite tell. Big freakin limb fell on my house.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Snack time

How to make vodka gummi bears

You probably already heard you can turn gummi bears into alcoholic delights by soaking them in vodka for a few days. If you want more details than that, or you’ve already tried this experiment and it didn’t work so well, this site tested a method that worked and posted a how-to with lots of pictures. (Turns out you can do this with sugar-free gummis, too!)

The how-to part of this is pretty simple, so I decided to make things a little more interesting. In addition to regular vodka gummi bears, I made vodka sugar-free gummi bears, vodka gummi worms (purely to see if they turned out any cooler looking than the bears) and vodka Red Fish (these were disgusting, but in the interest of science I will share my mistakes as well as my triumphs).


Here Kitty-kitty-kitty

Walking around in a field surprising animals and ending their lives.
Not a big fan of hunting, really. My in laws think there is something wrong with me (that is true but irrelevant in this matter.)
My Father in Law and his 2 sons are avid hunters and have asked me along on numerous times. It’s just not my thing, you know.
I am not against hunting for food and I am not against eating meat (meat is tasty). I’m not even against hunting, period. I have been hunting before and I just don’t see the thrill.
I just don’t “get it.”
If you want to sneak up one a flock of birds and kill them, why not go kill some crows or something. There are rather crafty and it would help the farmers and shit.
Hunting deer can’t be all THAT hard, you can kill them with your car.
You want to be a big hunting man and impress me then make it hard.
Hunt the quail with a bow and arrow you have to make in the wild.
That would impress me.
Hunt a deer using a primitive spear.
That would impress me.
Hunt a grizzly bear with a bowie knife.
That would really impress me.

Shooting a 10-point buck from 50 yards away with a high-powered rifle and scope?
Where is the challenge in that?
Of course, hunting a man...maybe on a secluded island?
Now THAT would be a challenge.
They ought to make a movie!
Oh wait they did
Like a zillion times.

Oh and I do like to fish though.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Well after the scratching business in December, wasn’t it? It has been rather quiet in the house.
Until lately.
Yesterday when I was at home, I heard music all day long coming from the bathroom, fainter then usual actually but there.
In addition, it sounded like the TV in the basement was on but of course, it wasn’t.

I didn’t think too much about it, really.

Also, the house has been increasing in the amount of odd noises coming from other rooms. For instance, I was home by myself last Wednesday night and I heard cabinets opening in the kitchen and the crinkling of cellophane and at least 1 dropped item.
Nothing was out of place though.
I am theorizing that the scratches used up a lot of energy and whatever it is is just now starting to get its energy back.

This may be unrelated but also since January, I have been waking up about 4 out of the 7 days of the week at 3:30am.
No reason, eyes just pop open.
Sometimes I can go back to sleep immediately, sometimes I can’t.
This is also with sleepy medicine in me to help me get to sleep.
Even with the time change for daylight savings time I am still doing it at 3:30.
Don’t know if it’s related or not but it is rather annoying.

PS-Scrappy Doo is a douchecock

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

TMI Tuesday #179

I haven't been too active in TMI TUESDAY, but what the hell.

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

Nope. Just the women I am stalking at that time.

2. Do you gossip?
Nope. Don’t care enough to.

3. How many people do you completely trust?
0. no, make that negative 1 ( I don’t even trust myself)

4. Have you ever had sex in car?
Would you like a detailed summary indicating which makes and models are best for carnal activities?

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
Dirty joke? Please. Innuendo is the best way to go.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
OH! 24 hour period?
OK well if you put it that way, let’s say 10pm to 10pm.
That would make it about 14 times. (I was young and full of … energy.)

aah. The good ol days

There is nothing like refreshing honesty from a thief.

Here's a refreshingly honest IM session between a 419 scammer and a savvy mark who's wise the game (This may be fake, don't care, still funny):
Mr Robert Dutu: Am Robert Dutu. I have very important business proposition for your consideration. Can we chat on it?

Mike Nash: Let me guess? You have millions of dollars you want to give me. But I won't get it. Instead, you will rip me off with advanced fee fraud.

MRD: You are right.

MN: Well, appreciate the honest.

MRD: You are welcome. Pleasure chatting with you.

MN: Good luck in finding an idiot.

MRD: Thanks man

and yet the killer rabbit got away?

Replica Monty Python hand grenade causes bomb scare in London

Part of a neighborhood in London was evacuated yesterday after someone mistook a replica of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch (cf. Monty Python and the Holy Grail) for a bomb:
Water company engineers spotted the object when they lifted up a fire hydrant cover during work on a street in Shoreditch, east London.
The road was cordoned off and a nearby pub was evacuated amid fears that the "grenade" could explode.

But after nearly an hour of analysis bomb experts realized that the cause of the scare was in fact a copy of the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" used by Eric Idle to slaughter a killer rabbit in the 1975 film Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Just a taste

I have been incommunicado for 4 days now and I gotta admit it feels kinda good and kinda bad.
Sort of like when there is a show you really like ( NCIS, HOUSE, LOST) and you miss a few episodes. One side of you doesn’t really care because it is just a TV show but the other side is all inquisitive (what happened here and what’s going on there and boy SHE sure is sexy, I miss seeing her).
Yeah kinda like that.
To try to get back into the grove of life the universe and everything here are some tidbits I have used elsewhere but I still find them rather fascinating.

Interesting Tricks of the Body

1. If your throat tickles, scratch your ear.
When you were 9, playing your armpit was a cool trick. Now, as an adult, you can still appreciate a good body-based feat, but you're more discriminating. Take that tickle in your throat; it's not worth gagging over. Here's a better way to scratch your itch: "When the nerves in the ear are stimulated, it creates a reflex in the throat that can cause a muscle spasm," says Scott Schaffer, M.D., president of an ear, nose and throat specialty center in Gibbsboro, New Jersey. "This spasm relieves the tickle." (I wonder if this works for a gag reflex? Anyone want to do some scientific research with me?)

2. Experience supersonic hearing!
If you're stuck chatting up a mumbler at a cocktail party, lean in with your right ear. It's better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech, according to researchers at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine. If, on the other hand, you're trying to identify that song playing softly in the elevator, turn your left ear toward the sound. The left ear is better at picking up music tones. (and then you turn your right ear in and shake it all about.)

3. Overcome your most primal urge!
Need to pee? No bathroom nearby? Fantasize about Jessica Simpson. Thinking about sex preoccupies your brain, so you won't feel as much discomfort, says Larry Lipshultz, M.D., chief of male reproductive medicine at the Baylor College of Medicine. For best results, try Simpson's "These Boots Are Made for Walking" video. (I haven't felt the urge to pee since puberty.)

4. Feel no pain!
German researchers have discovered that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick. According to Taras Usichenko, author of a study on the phenomenon, the trick causes a sudden, temporary rise in pressure in the chest and spinal canal, inhibiting the pain-conducting structures of the spinal cord. (Then why does the doctor grab your balls and say cough? What is he doing down there?)

5. Clear your stuffed nose!
Forget Sudafed. An easier, quicker, and cheaper way to relieve sinus pressure is by alternately thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger. This causes the vomer bone, which runs through the nasal passages to the mouth, to rock back and forth, says Lisa DeStefano, D.O., an assistant professor at the Michigan State University College of osteopathic medicine. The motion loosens congestion; after 20 seconds, you'll feel your sinuses start to drain. (plus it also strengthens the tongue for more rigorous exercises.)

6. Fight fire without water!
Worried those wings will repeat on you tonight? "Sleep on your left side," says Anthony A. Star-poli, M.D., a New York City gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at New York Medical College. Studies have shown that patients who sleep on their left sides are less likely to suffer from acid reflux. The esophagus and stomach connect at an angle. When you sleep on your right, the stomach is higher than the esophagus, allowing food and stomach acid to slide up your throat. When you're on your left, the stomach is lower than the esophagus, so gravity's in your favor. (and when you are on your back your bedmate will help you burn those gases off quickly anyway.)

7. Cure your toothache without opening your mouth!
Just rub ice on the back of your hand, on the V-shaped webbed area between your thumb and index finger. A Canadian study found that this technique reduces toothache pain by as much as 50 percent compared with using no ice. The nerve pathways at the base of that V stimulate an area of the brain that blocks pain signals from the face and hands. (Yeah, sure. Next time I go to the dentist I won’t get any Novocain, just a few ice cubes ought to do. Only if you fill a sock with them and beat me into unconsciousness that is.)

8. Make burns disappear!
When you accidentally singe your finger on the stove, clean the skin and apply light pressure with the finger pads of your unmarred hand. Ice will relieve your pain more quickly, Dr. DeStefano says, but since the natural method brings the burned skin back to a normal temperature, the skin is less likely to blister. (hmm searing pain now or a blister later? Decisions, decisions.)

9. Stop the world from spinning!
One too many drinks left you dizzy? Put your hand on something stable. The part of your ear responsible for balance—the cupula—floats in a fluid of the same density as blood. "As alcohol dilutes blood in the cupula, the cupula becomes less dense and rises," says Dr. Schaffer. This confuses your brain. The tactile input from a stable object gives the brain a second opinion, and you feel more in balance. Because the nerves in the hand are so sensitive, this works better than the conventional foot-on-the-floor wisdom. (OH! So that it's easier to get around by crawling when you are hammered.)

10. Unstitch your side!
If you're like most people, when you run, you exhale as your right foot hits the ground. This puts downward pressure on your liver (which lives on your right side), which then tugs at the diaphragm and creates a side stitch, according to The Doctors Book of Home Remedies for Men. The fix: Exhale as your left foot strikes the ground. (what happens if you run backwards?)

11. Stanch blood with a single finger!
Pinching your nose and leaning back is a great way to stop a nosebleed—if you don't mind choking on your own O positive. A more civil approach: Put some cotton on your upper gums—just behind that small dent below your nose—and press against it, hard. "Most bleeds come from the front of the septum, the cartilage wall that divides the nose," says Peter Desmarais, M.D., an ear, nose, and throat specialist at Entabeni Hospital, in Durban, South Africa. "Pressing here helps stop them." (then dance around a bit, shadow-boxing. That wont look odd at all.)

12. Make your heart stand still!
Trying to quell first-date jitters? Blow on your thumb. The vagus nerve, which governs heart rate, can be controlled through breathing, says Ben Abo, an emergency medical-services specialist at the University of Pittsburgh. It'll get your heart rate back to normal.
( Do I really need to make a comment here about a substitution for a thumb?)

13. Thaw your brain!
Too much Klondike bar too fast will freeze the brains of lesser men. As for you, press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much as you can. "Since the nerves in the roof of your mouth get extremely cold, your body thinks your brain is freezing, too," says Abo. "In compensating, it overheats, causing an ice-cream headache." The more pressure you apply to the roof of your mouth, the faster your headache will subside. (AGAIN, Do I really need to make a comment here about a substitution for a your tongue?)

14. Prevent near-sightedness!
Poor distance vision is rarely caused by genetics, says Anne Barber, O.D., an optometrist in Tacoma, Washington. "It's usually caused by near-point stress." In other words, staring at your computer screen for too long. So flex your way to 20/20 vision. Every few hours during the day, close your eyes, tense your body, take a deep breath, and, after a few seconds, release your breath and muscles at the same time. Tightening and releasing muscles such as the biceps and gluts can trick involuntary muscles—like the eyes—into relaxing as well. (If you saw someone doing this at work would you think “hmm, exercising or would you be more prone to “Holy Shit their having a seizure!”)

15. Wake the dead!
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute, says Dr. DeStefano. A tingly hand or arm is often the result of compression in the bundle of nerves in your neck; loosening your neck muscles releases the pressure. Compressed nerves lower in the body govern the feet, so don't let your sleeping dogs lie. Stand up and walk around. (or it could just mean your spidey sense is tingling and Doc Ock is around)

16. Impress your friends!
Next time you're at a party, try this trick: Have a person hold one arm straight out to the side, palm down, and instruct him to maintain this position. Then place two fingers on his wrist and push down. He'll resist. Now have him put one foot on a surface that's a half inch higher (a few magazines) and repeat. This time his arm will fold like a house of cards. By misaligning his hips, you've offset his spine, says Rachel Cosgrove, C.S.C.S., co-owner of Results Fitness, in Santa Clarita, California. Your brain senses that the spine is vulnerable, so it shuts down the body's ability to resist. (Hmm so when the spine is vulnerable the body shuts down resistance. Hey JayCee and Delizcious, come here I wanna try something. Resistance is futile.)

17. Breathe underwater!
If you're dying to retrieve that quarter from the bottom of the pool, take several short breaths first—essentially, hyperventilate. When you're underwater, it's not a lack of oxygen that makes you desperate for a breath; it's the buildup of carbon dioxide, which makes your blood acidic, which signals your brain that somethin' ain't right. "When you hyperventilate, the influx of oxygen lowers blood acidity," says Jonathan Armbruster, Ph.D., an associate professor of biology at Auburn University. "This tricks your brain into thinking it has more oxygen." It'll buy you up to 10 seconds. ( gonna have to see if this just works underwater or “elsewhere”. MORE RESEARCH NEEDED!)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We are not amused

Do you think Doctor Phil makes diagnoses at the neighborhood block party?

“Hey Phil.”
“Hey Steve.”
“ I was gonna ask ya, I have some unresolved mother issues, you think that could make me a sociopath?”
“Well, I just don’t know Steve, do you tend to use other people for your own gain?’
“well… sure! At least sometimes. Ah probably aint nuttin. Hey, how about another beer?”
“why sure.”

Yeah, that doesn’t sound to feasible to me.

You don’t ask a friend who works at Wal-Mart to straighten and organize your pantry shelf, do you?
Do you ask you High School chum, who became a dentist, to yank a molar at the 10-year reunion?

Then why do computer techs get asked to diagnose issues and rebuild systems on the whims of their family and friends?
Sometimes it’s cool, like if I know off hand what the issue is and can take care of it for them, I don’t have an problem at all. For instance, Jay Cee Leigh had a new laptop that was acting up. I knew immediately what the issue was and volunteered to help (I’m cool that way.) I did not have any problem with installing some updates and doing some reorganization/cleanup for her.

Favor for a friend.
Not a problem.

Monday night Wildcat informs me her friend needs a computer and I was told that one of my 6 systems (yes 6. don’t judge me.) was going to go to her.
After push and prodding for more information I finally got down to the real issue. She was getting a tower from her he was keeping the hard drive, So all she really needed was a hard drive.
OK. That’s doable.
I recommended to her that she go to Best Buy and she can get a hard drive pretty cheaply but the operating system is going to be rather expensive.

Now at this point it gets kinda fuzzy for me.
I am pretty sure I was speaking comprehensive English. Working at a help desk, I have learned how to talk in simple and easy to understand references. I leave all the technobabble behind and tend to use the big chief tablet and crayons to explain what I am trying to say.
However, somewhere along this conversation either I got lost or I wasn’t being heard because nothing I was saying would dissuade my wife’s friend from bringing this tower over to my house.
Begrudgingly I agree to look at the tower and I thought I might have a hard drive laying around they could have.
Last Night she shows up with this Dell tower explaining to me that her Pa and Step Ma had bought themselves a brand new $7000 dollar computer system. Complete with 32 inch plasma screen and speakers with bass thumper and built in vibrator with a kick start.
All kinds of bells and whistles.
Also, the aforementioned step ma had spent the day, THE DAY!, reading over the owner’s manual so they would be able to successfully remove the hard drive and give the rest away.
The friend then explains how her father
“read through the manual one more time and then carefully removed the memory and they labeled them one and two and stored them away for future use.”
Mmhmm wait. What?
Now I am suspicious, so I finally take a look at this tower.
I noticed a big hole in her statement.
It was the big hole in the front of this PC where the CDROM drives used to be.
Ma and Pa had researched, read and studied and then removed the CDROMS thinking that was the hard drive.
Oh boy.
I guess it could be an honest mistake but come on people.
Who opens up the back of their TV or pops up the hood of their car and just starts yanking parts “cause they seen it in a picture in the book”
I spend the next 10 minutes explaining what has happened, what needs to happen and I even remove the hard drive for them and stick in the 80 gig hard drive I had laying around.
Gosh, I’m swell.
I explain that once they get the CD drives back all they gotta do is slide them into place and plug them up. Then all that’s left is to install the software and she is good to go.
The room got quiet.
I slowly look up from my little cable and hook up lecture to find everyone in the room is just staring at me like I had just read the Koran to them backwards and in Binary. ( ok that’s just a total computer geek joke, never mind.)

The next word I hear is the royal “WE”.

I fucking hate the royal “WE”.
As in, “WE are off the next couple of days so WE will get it installed and WE will get the system working for you.”

Fuck you, royal “WE

It always means ME.

Save second Base

Christina will lose both her breasts in cancer battle

Christina will lose both her breasts in cancer battle

Last week, we revealed that actress Christina Applegate had confirmed she was suffering from breast cancer – and now she has been advised by doctors to have both her breasts removed. The 36-year-old actress, who you may recognize from films such as Anchorman and The Sweetest Thing, is taking the drastic step because it is her best chance to combat the disease. The star's rep confirmed, "The operation was the ultimate preventive measure. Her doctors were taking no chances that the cancer could spread to the other breast even if only one breast was initially involved in the diagnosis." Christina's mother is a two-time breast cancer survivor, and she underwent the double mastectomy operation back in the 70s. Christina is clearly taking the advice of her doctors and being incredibly brave about the whole thing. heatworld hopes she makes a full and speedy recovery.


In local news, My wife Wildcat, has decided to not only go for the double mastectomy operation but also have a hysterectomy as well.

She is mostly motivated by removing the off chance of more cancer (Thank God they didn't find it in her arm or we would be lopping off appendages) but also by the chance to have her excess "baggage" removed from around her middle and up to her chest.

Right now we are battling over the size of the new kids on the block. She was a fuller C then she has and I want a full D.

I know typical man.

I see it this way, they will have to completely remove her nipples and make new ones and tattoo them to color. That's fine and dandy but Wildcats most sensitive part IS her nipples. Without the originals around to help me motivate her senses I fear I will be looking at sexual recession bigger then the economic one we are in now. So, if I cant use those 2 pieces of hard candy to help me in my endeavors, then at least lets go a bit bigger to compensate.

Plus I told her that, with the way she complains about her figure, not going to a D would mean they would suck out as much leaving her with more exercising to do afterward. I even offered to have them put me next to her and inject the excess directly into my ass so I might have one.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

NO! Plain fucking wrong.

Next thing Hollywood is planning is traveling back in time and having someone stand behind you making obscene gestures in every photo you have been in as a child. This will complete their devious scheme to destroy each and every person warm and fondest memories.
Oh and this..

'MacGyver' Movie Gets Green Light For Development:

We first told you about a 'MacGyver' movie in the works last year, and now the project is finally heading into development.

New Line will be producing the 'big budget' feature alongside series creator Lee Zlotoff after acquiring the rights to the film.

Fans of the original series, which ran from 1985-92, will remember the adventures of extremely resourceful secret agent MacGyver, who would escape from dangerous situations using his knowledge of science and engineering. It ran for seven seasons from September 29, 1985 to January 13, 1992 as a Monday night staple on ABC.

Two made for television films were made after the show's cancellation, also starring series lead Richard Dean Anderson.

The show has maintained a cult following even after being off the air for more than a decade, and the word has earned a place in pop culture for anyone attempting to come up with a solution out of household items. On the show, MacGyver did everything from make explosives using household chemicals, to using a stick of chewing gum to repair a blown fuse.

The studio is hoping it can make a movie that sticks to the feel of the original series, while remaining a fun adventure for the uninitiated.

"We think we're a stick of chewing gum, a paper clip and an A-list writer away from a global franchise," jokes New Line's Richard Brener.

My dork cup over runneth

This post is mainly just for me but if ya'all can appreciate it well I certainly wanna hang with you.

First 'Superman' Comic Book Fetches $317,200 at Auction:

A rare copy of the very first Superman comic, dating back to 1938, has sold at auction for $317,200.

It's one of the highest prices ever paid for a comic book with only one hundred copies left of the issue. The comic was put on sale by its previous owner who bought it for less than a dollar at a secondhand store in the early 1950s when he was nine years old -- 35 cents to be exact.

The man then forgot about it until 1966 when it emerged in his mother's basement and he's held on to since hoping it would gain in value.

It was thought the comic could have gone for as much as $400,000 with so few Action Comics No. 1 known to exist, and even fewer of them up for sale.

One collector describes the book as "the Holy Grail of comic books" as Superman is generally recognised as the first superhero.

The issue features Superman lifting a car on its cover -- with a June 1938 cover price of 10 cents.

Last year, an auction was able to raise enough money to save the Ohio home where Superman was created by writer Jerry Siegel and illustrator Joe Shuster in 1932.

Talk dirty to me.

Great Idea but dont leave the porn or (game show) running while using it or you could set your hooha on fire.

New Vibrator For Women Responds To Voice Commands

A British company has created the first voice-activated vibrator, a device that'll have have women across the world shouting a collective 'Oh yes'.

The sex toy, which is already on sale in the country, reacts to commands from the user telling it to go faster, slower or even harder.

But that's not all, women can even personalize the instructions by programming nine functions with their own keywords, eg. "Oh yes" rather than "faster."

Many are predicting it'll be a big hit with the ladies. The UK's 'Sun' has one such expert commenting that: "Communication is key to a healthy relationship, and there's no relationship healthier than that of a woman and her vibrator."

"The fact that she can now make demands and this can respond really should have men worried. If they don't want to be made redundant they need to sit up and listen."

The device costs approximately $150.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Friday Night High Lights

Friday night was a pretty good night indeed.
My best bud Blake and I went out drinking (wont get into his whole home issues right now but we are paddling the same boat on 2 different creeks)
We were going to go to the rodeo but well that never happened.
We got to the parking lot and decided “hey lets go look up this girl we used to work with.”
Her name is Tina and boy she was a blast. She was very nice looking and could party most men under the table.
Therefore, off we go to a cigar bar in old town where we knew she had last worked. This is where I discovered the cool refreshing caress of Rolling Rock beer.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t worked there in 6 years.
Fortunately, a girl that used to work with her has some sort of federal task force tracking her or something because she knew exactly, where Tina was working.
So off we go again.
We were off to our new destination when Blake’s wife texted him and he explained where we were going and why.
He then spent the entire drive explaining to his concubine that he was NOT looking for another woman and blahblahblah.
Let me make a quick side note here and explain that Blake was always the superman of our little cache of friends. Of our little band of merry dorks he is the one that could always walk away with a woman (or 2) under his arm. The Bastard.
Anyway we make it to this place called Harrys which looks like a total dive on the outside but pretty awesome inside. There we found our prey Tina, who looked a little worse for wear but was still the charming woman we remembered. Ironically, our waitress was a woman we had gone to High School with. She recognized me immediately but talked almost exclusively to Blake. The Bastard.
So we sat there the night drinking Coronas and talking to our friends. Both of us looking like teenage girls as we texted while we talked.
Fortunately, I was lucky enough to be texting with 2 beautiful women I know, so I was having fun with them as well.
Well, he made up with his significant other and by the time we were ready to go he was getting dirty pictures and suggestive notes texted to him (The Bastard) and I was paying the $50 tab. He went home to hot drunken make up sex and I went home to a dark house.
I ended up on the couch, as my bed was full of kids again.

Now that I sit here and type this out, it sounds rather sad really.
Started out great but ended with one of those canned audience “AWWS” you here on every sitcom.

Why is it my life gets fucked more often then I do?
Not bitchin, just wondering.
OK. yeah I'm bitchin.
I find it hard to believe that this woman in the picture actually needs this pillow. Maybe she is missing limbs or has a doll fetish?
Wonder if I could rent myself as a warm sleeping partner.
"All the cuddling and none of the sex. (penis sold separately.)"

Hug Me Pillow
Hug Me Pillow

push PLAY

Any woman who wants to gets this I would be able to play a tune (or 6) for them.

Musical Bra. Not, perhaps, two words you’d expect to see together, but somehow hypnotic now that you do. Take one bra, add to it the guts of a cheap electronic musical toy - such as the $1 toy keyboard used in the original Instructable - and then hit the streets asking strangers to palpate your tuneful chest.

musical bra 1

Each breast gets eight different sounds, triggered by custom-made fabric buttons constructed from layers of conductive material separated by strips of foam. These are sewn and ironed (using double-sided interfacing, which glues on when heat is applied) into the bra, before a final layer of plain material is fixed onto the inside to prevent any unpleasant breast-wire interfacings.

The speaker goes up front, and a battery holder in-between the shoulder-blades. You could put together quite an orchestra using various donor toys, or perhaps even a talking version with a Speak & Spell.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Oh poo

Funny... I dont remember being in Idaho but sure as hell sounds like me.

Man Rescued from Latrine

An unidentified man was rescued from a waste tank under a rest stop bathroom on Highway 30 near Filer, Idaho on Thursday. He had climbed into the tank to look for his keys. Another driver found him and called emergency services. Police, firefighters, paramedics, and other emergency response personnel responded, and found the man up to his neck in sewage. They summoned highway maintenance department workers, who retrieved the man by opening an access port used to remove waste. Pictured is Filer Police Chief Cliff Johnson, who told the story to local news.

“It took some lifting to get him out, and he had cut himself pretty good trying to get himself out,” Johnson said.

The man was allowed to wash off with the fire truck hose at the scene, where he made another painful discovery.

“That’s when he discovered the keys were still in his back pocket,” Johnson said.

Dorks : Look it up.

I have been called many names in my lifetime
Weird, Odd, Romeo, Lurk, Einstein, asshole, and BDMF ( brain dead mother-fucker)
to name but a few
I am proud to call myself a dork.
Been a card carrying member since 1977

What is the difference between a dork and a geek?
Well a dork has some semblance of a normal life. You might not know a person is a dork until they open their mouth and remove all doubt.

You can spot a geek a mile away.

A dork will go to a comic book convention.
A geek will go to but dressed up in some odd costume and speak to you in Klingon.
Sports fans who go to every game through all weather are dorks.
Sports fans who paint themselves the colors of their team? Yup, Geeks.

What happens though when a dork get bored?
Usually it’s rather dangerous!
We get into so much trouble when we are bored.
Sometimes though, stuff like this happens.

This is my buddy Blake and yes.
He is a dork.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I thought this looked rather cool

Kinda kills any late night tent nooky

selk sleeping bag Sleeping Bag Man Suit

Winter is still not over and the spring is not going to be any warm either and hence, Selk Sleeping Bags should be a great way to stay warm. Selk Sleeping Bags are the stuff that most cubs and scout camps were made of. You may perhaps remember the good old days when you were a kid and stayed warm in brightly colored sleeping bags when you went camping with your friends.

Well, the Selk Sleeping Bags provide you with a nostalgic way of staying warm and they look rather cozy and comfortable too! Selk Bags are usually made of durable nylon taffeta and come with leg vents and reinforced nylon soles. Reversible zippers make sure you avoid any kind of unpleasant situations and they come in different colors including black, brown, red, green, yellow and white.

They also have a soft inner lining which keeps you snug as a flea. Get yourself a sleeping bag especially if you are hitch hiking across the country or in the mountains. Since these sleeping bags are made of the best quality fabric, they also protect you from developing frost bites and hypothermia, if you are exposed to extreme weather conditions. If you find cold unbearble, you must try the USB Heated Gloves and USB Heating Shoes too!

I like to play with dolls

Quick little bitty bite right now. It's 2:30am and i really gotta try to capture a couple more hours before I officially get up.
Insomnia is a fickle bitch
I was be-boppin around Twitter, trying to find interesting people to stalk. to add to my follows for a rich and exciting twitterrific time.
anyway I ran across this image

At first I thought was " Oh a sushi girl! they are gonna eat off her."
Then I looked closer and though
"those breast aren't real" followed
even more closer by "Oh Crap! It a Stepford wife!"

This my friends is the best damn toy under the Christmas tree!
I want 2! one for home and one for the car.
Be pretty neat if they had warm water running through a tube across the lips so it would feel like kissing a beach ball.
I like my breasts bigger and less perky then hers...um I mean it's.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Zank 'eaven for lil girls.

JayCee Leigh took my darling daughter out to “Elmo’s friggin thumb” (or something like that). Yeah PHM is a bit old for that but she was jazzed to bursting just to go anywhere with her Aunt JayCee.

Anyway, I got a text from my PHM when they were just leaving the house. I swear, by all that is sacred and waffley, there was a 4 beat ( 1 thousand and 1, etc.) before I received a text from JayCee saying “ I am hearing all about you”!


This means my precious and sweet baby girl who I adore and spoil and shelter starting spilling her guts about every single ugly wart on my personality before she was even settled in the car.
What did she do? Start a shouting a list of my flaws from across the yard as soon as she went out of the house?
I am already my own worst enemy don’t really need help in that.
No more freewill for her, I tell ya.
Gonna have to stop letting her out from under the sink.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Rambleing rambleweed*

I really hate bigots.
I guess I may be a bigot to bigots.
Hating someone for the color of their skin is just plain dumb. That’s akin to hating a car manufacturer because they make red cars.
Humans are a race, well actually THE race. The color of their skin means nothing.
Wait until they open their mouths and talk, then you can HATE them all you want.
I grew up surround by illegal Mexicans in Cali, my best friend was a 1st generation American.
The groomsman at my wedding was a black man and I loved him like a brother.
I don’t immediately hate someone for their color, I immediately hate them because they are human. The human race sucks.
We are just parasites on a host beating each other up for the best piece of flesh. Yell FIRE in a crowded room and watch “civilized” people kill each other to just be the first out the door. Watch a riot and see how the group mind feeds the fury.

Granted, there are some good apples in the mix. Those you know, those you love, those who make your life worth living. I am not talking about those.
I am talking about the others. The ones who commit the atrocities of the world and then shrug their shoulders as if to say “what?”
The ones who think I owe them something for nothing. The ones who come into the country illegally and then want benefits because they live here. The ones who come in and refuse to learn the language of the country but get actual laws passed so they don’t have to.
Oh and the atheists who scream I believe there is no God and therefore I don’t want your child to be influenced by anyone who does. WHAT? When did this become OK? Why are we letting these ass-hats have the majority say? Screw them, If they don’t want someone to mention God to their child or pray to God in the classroom then here is a thought. Instead of relying on the school to teach your child their core values why don’t you step up and be a responsible parent and TEACH your child. They would rather listen to you anyway.
And I am pissed and ranting now so I won’t go into parents who expect the village to raise their children. You know what you get when the village raises the child? You get a village idiot.
This whole mess has just gone too far!!
Whatever happened to “cowboy up”?

Buncha pansies.

I’d tell you to go fuck yourself but that would violate your rights to be an ass hat.
(present company excluded of course.)

*I gotta stop listening to Rollins before beddie-bye time.

Friday, March 6, 2009


I really have been a bit selfish here. Let me take a moment to give you a glimpse of one of my offspring.

The BEAST as he is affectionately referred to ( after the Xmen's Beast! I wouldn't insult the boy.)

This little 10 yr old of mine has got it made (fingers-crossed)

He is very cute (gonna be a heart-breaker as he gets older), he has an uncanny comedic timing, more energy then the western seaboard, a heart as big as Wisconsin (that he does wear on his sleeve. His heart not Wisconsin).

He truly cares about other people ( he got suspended for 5 days last year for defending a friend on the play ground and is still the first person to stick up for another.) He acts like a big brother to all kids littler then him. This kid is truly amazing!! I couldn't be prouder..

He also, listens when it suits him, has a stubborn streak as wide as the Mississippi, loves to beat and torment his older sister and generally causes his parents to go cross-eyed from aggravation.

I think his biggest downfall is going to be his natural trust of everything and everyone.

I already HATE the person that takes that away from him.

But I will give the boy this. He can be FEARLESS.

For instance, in 2007 we were at a cousins wedding and the reception was rockin!! DJ, Dancing and Drinks.

We kept hearing laughing and applauding coming from the room so I went to investigate.

I returned with a smirk and gestured for Wildcat to follow me.

There he was. Doin the best he could on the dance floor and then dropping for which was to become his signature move. He was the star attraction.

Thats MY boy!!

( and yeah that's my arm to the right there pointing him out.)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

One more time

I got such a good response on my lil note on depression I wanted to follow that up once more here by helping out those who might not know what it is like to be depressed..
OK lets try this.
Close your eyes and for the next, I don't know, hour
I want you to do nothing but think of every single remorseful event in your life. Every sad thing,
every death,
every regret,
every missed opportunity and every embarrassing moment.
Think very hard, be in the moment.
Dont fall asleep – this sets the mood.
Think Deep
Remember everything, every wrong turn and every twist of the knife, leave nothing out
Play them over and over and over again in your head and concentrate on nothing but the bad.
OK feeling down yet?
A little blue?
Feel a tightening in the pit of your stomach yet? Has the day taken on a slightly darker hue yet?
Has the shine gone out of the day for you?
then keep trying… come back in 30.
NOW you've lost that lovin feeling?
You just want to go back to bed and hide under the sheets and call today a wash? Good were almost there then.
OK now take that clumsy, ungainly,”make it go away” feeling and hold it up and really concentrate on how bad you feel.
You can think of it as a banana. A very bad banana!
Now, take away any hope you might have that you will feel better in an hour
(peel a strip) …
or after a good nights sleep
(peel a strip)
…or in a couple of days
(peel a strip)
…or in a week or so
(peel a strip)
…or ever
(peel a strip)

Your still not done.

Now, hold that thought in your head ( I know this is getting hard, bear with me)
Now remove all joy from your life.
Everything you enjoy to do, you now hate
You have no energy, breathing even feels optional
Everyone either hates you, doesn’t want to be around you or pity’s you.
Nothing holds your interest for long
It is all pointless anyway
Oh, don’t forget that you cant do anything right (even when you do.)

---Still almost there, one more thing.-----

Now , in your head, scream as loud as possible every single rhyme, song, joke, poem or long list of gobbledegook you can think of. Try to get them all going all at the same time, over and over and as loud as possible. They don't have to make much sense just enough to keep your brain distracted and occupied. Can you still think straight? Then try harder…

That is pretty close to what depression feels like.
It's like this every minute of every day.

Except this is just a demonstration, you get to go back to your happy lives in a bit here.
A person suffering from depression is stuck
There is no hope in sight and no light at the end of their tunnel
There is no escape
Ending it all is not an option ( you are not a coward !!)
So you must press on. You are not alive you just live.
Monotony is the spice of your life.
Even your biggest joys are the smallest splashes in your pool.
I guess a reasonably good analogy would be to picture yourself dead center in the middle of a loud concert. You are by yourself. The music is LOUD and it SUCKS and they have been playing the same damn song for over 20 minutes straight. Everyone is 1 inch away from you so you cant move, cant breathe. Everyone else is having a great time and they keep bumping and jostling you in the gyrations of joy. Your head hurts and you just wanna go home.

If you were in a good mood and you did all of this, then I am sorry for crapping on your day.
I did warn you

Monday, March 2, 2009

How sweet, Fresh Meat.

I DO think that the younger a person is now days the more desensitized they are. Violence, sex it’s all there for them to gobble up on the news, internet, everything.
Point of fact: Who or what were you afraid of when you were a kid?
Now days there are some really over the top crap out there that just mildly disturbs “the kids”.
Jason, Freddy, Jigsaw are all getting pushed aside for bigger, worse, uglier demons.
You know who creeped me out when I was a kid?
Who caused ME nightmares and gave me the willies when I was but a lad?
The child catcher from Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang.
Yup, that long nosed freak with the big black top hat that went around sniffing for children to toss them in the dungeon.
I can still hear his “I smell children” in my head and it makes me uncomfortable.
Just a freak with a net set me on edge.

I remember being in High School and coming home from partying really late, late. Wasn’t quite tired so I tossed in this flick I rented in the VCR ‘cause everyone said it was really scary.
I scoffed.
I scoffed like the big bad man I was. (AM! I mean AM)
“Nightmare on Elm Street, my ass. How scary can it be.”

I did not make it past the opening credits before the house settling creaks and groans were matching the movies pretty spot on.
I even got up and toured the house (just to be sure)
Finally I just shut the movie off and said “I am tired” and went to bed and watched the movie in the broad daylight the next day.

Now days, to High-Schools, Freddy aint nutthin but Bo-Peep on “her cycle”.

There is no wonder left in the world.