Tuesday, December 29, 2015

So what do you want to go see?

I am a really easy going guy and while I am not an optimist I can usually find the good in just about any movie or any actor. I can find at least one thing good about any movie I have seen.
Some movies make it really hard to do this (I am looking at you Cop Out) but a lot of it stems from who they got to act in the movie.
I try not to be too judgmental because everyone can have a good day or bad day and a good script or a bad one. In fact 2 categories I have , Meh and Like are pretty much the same thing just a slight variant.
This is just a small gathering of actors who I just happen to have strong enough feelings for to make note.
 Despise – These actors will cause me to actively avoid a movie.
I.E.  “I’d rather stay home and watch reruns of the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers then see Knight and Day because that Diaz chick is in it”
  • Mark Wahlberg
  • Jack Black
  • Jim Carrey
  • Joaquin Phoenix
  • Marlon Brando
  • Megan Fox
  • Cameron Diaz
  • Hayden Christensen 
  • James Franco
  • Zach Galifianakis

Meh* –These actors I can go either way with. ..
I.E. “Well the premise sounds novel and it looks cool” Some of these have been on my "despise" list before but have redeemed themselves one way or another. Im looking at you Sean Penn.
  • Kristen Stewart
  • Hayden christensen
  • Jack Nicholson
  • Sean Penn
  • Kevin Hart
  • Russell Crowe
  • Reese Witherspoon
  • Leonardo DiCaprio

Like* – If they are in the movie and it sounds good well their involvement is an added bonus. This list would be the largest as most films fall into this category.
  • Tom Cruise
  • Mel Gibson
  • Jennifer Aniston
  • Brad Pitt
  • Chris Pratt
  • Nick Cage
  • Sandra Bullock
  • Jason Statham
  • Bruce Campbell 
  • Michael Fassbender

Adore – I will go see a movie just because they are in it. “Let’s go see that new Depp flick”
  • Johnny Depp
  • George Clooney
  • Denzel Washington
  • Cary Grant
  • Tom Hanks
  • Angelina Jolie
  • Will Smith
  • Liam Neeson
  • Harrison Ford
  • Hugh Jackman

Friday, December 18, 2015

Blood sucking vermin

I give up in trying to understand you people.

8ish years ago everyone was running around thinking about “CHANGE” and Barack Obama was elected into the White House not because he was the best candidate but because of his color.
It was novel, it was new and it was history making to think that a man of color could be elected to the highest office in the land.
I get it.
I thought it was cool too.
But then his administration began and people flipped out
“He’s horrible!” and “He is a socialist” and “He isn’t even American!” and “He isn’t even Christian!” was proclaimed throughout the land.
However, rather than oh, I don’t know, kick him out of office via the impeachment process,
What did the American populous do?

Now contrary to what you might think this is not a post about bashing Obama.
My personal view is all politicians are vile and all politicians are liars.
Some get caught like Nixon and Clinton and some don’t like Bush and Reagan.
An honest man in the White House would not last a year. It’s just the system we built.
We vote for the person who sucks the least.
It’s like trying to pick which sword to be impaled with because no matter what you are still getting stabbed.

This is a post bashing the American people.
Right now Donald Trump is in the lead as the Republican candidate.
This dude has already shown that he is a lout, a cretin, a privileged oaf who has no business being in any position of power.
If he were a Walmart Manager no one would want to work for him and he has a chance of becoming president?

I am pretty sure that Hillary is going to make it into office this time because it would be novel and new and history making again.
I am just scared that Trump will get elected because it would be novel too.

I have never considered abandoning my country before until I heard he was the republican front runner.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Do it again

You know, there is the old cliché of the ancient old man lying on his bed.
He has the covers pulled up to his chin and a pained expression on his face

“Oh why!?” he laments
“If only I had it to do over again! I would give my very soul to have my life to do over again! I would do everything so differently!”

Not me though
While I made so many mistakes. Maybe I am not a complete failure but it is so close I can smell its fetid breath (smells like pastrami)
Nope I would not give my soul to do it over again
I don’t need to be there to witness my senior year of high school
Or the time I played the troll in the 3 Billy goats gruff in the 1st grade
I don’t need to be there for my first kiss or to see Star Wars for the first time.
But I would give my very soul to do my kids life over again.

But to see my kids first step? Yeah in heartbeat.
To be able to read to them a bedtime story again or tickle them into submission?
Dressing up for Halloween or picking out the right valentine for a school mate (Should we get Hello Kitty or Kim Possible?)
Big hugs and little kisses, scared cries and silly giggles, messy shirts and holding little hands
Oh hell yeah.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Age is just a number

I’ve been silent on here more and more. I don’t think I have lost my muse though, it’s just my brain is not working the way it should. You know how in your computer you have 2 kinds of memory? You have RAM and ROM.
ROM is for your programs. It is your hard drive that holds everything you save. It keeps the machine running.
RAM memory is the things you do when you use it. It is continually changing and updating to what you are currently using and erases everything when you power off.

Well in my brain computer it seems like everything is RAM. I can’t seem to make a memory.
My recall has gone from having an eidetic memory, to the point where I could walk into a memory and see everything in it. I have full recall of everything I ever watched. It was easy to recall this actor was in this movie with this person.
Now it is a struggle. I can’t even recall a movie I watched a couple months ago.

I think it was the ADD medicine I was on a couple of years ago. Scrambled my synapses.
Maybe it is onset Alzheimer’s even? There are times I seem to be able to get confused and I not know where I am on a drive I have made every day for the past 30 years.
I thinks its the continual stress from money woes that just wont go away.
Maybe I am just getting old.
Probably all 3.   um...4

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Random synapse fire

Back when I was a kid on Halloween my dad would take the stereo speakers and hide them outside and we had this record of spooky sounds. I can still see the orange album cover with the haunted house and black cat on it. It had all kinds of ambience sounds with chains clanking and wind moaning and screams and groans. All the good stuff.
He would be sitting in his easy chair with his Budweiser in one hand watching TV when some poor unsuspecting toddler would waddle up to our door. Once he heard that tell-tale rap on the door he would spring up and drop the needle. Today’s kids probably wouldn’t even flinch but in 1978 seeing a miniature Darth Vader bolting for the sidewalk leaving a little trickle the force behind his was glorious.  Even preteen to teenage were not immune to the scares and screams my dad would inflict on them. He would always chuckle and open the door and give generous handfuls of candy to the survivors left standing.
I think seeing my dad enjoying himself and getting into the whole thing, this is probably where my enjoyment of Halloween came from.

Friday, August 7, 2015

My White Whale

When I was a boy of maybe 8 we went to Disneyland and when we were leaving my sister and I all got to get one item.
This was mine.
   I loved Herbie and this was so cool. It was die-cast metal and while heavy it rolled really swell. There was even a switch on the side that, when pressed, made Herbie separate into two pieces. Just like in the movie.
I played and played with this car. I'm pretty sure I even slept with it.
For not even two weeks.
  I had a friend named Chris from church. He lived with his Grandma and spoke really loud sometimes but he was my friend.
He came over once and we played with Herbie in my room for hours. Then when it was time for him to go he asked if he could borrow Herbie.
I was hesitant obviously, I mean, this was my Herbie we were talking about.
  Then I remembered he didn't have a lot himself. He was being raised by his Grandma and while we were by no means "rich" I had a lot more things then he did. I thought that it was a "good" thing to do, the church thing to do.
I made him promise to take good care of it and his face lit up and he promised.
The next day his grandmother brought it back over inside of paper-bag. She brought back this mangled ball of scarred metal wrapped in rubber bands.
Seems Chris had spent three hours the other night just rolling Herbie up and down the driveway and not necessarily using the wheels either.
My beautiful car was virtually unrecognizable.
They had tried to fix it with glue and rubber bands but it was pointless.
Herbie was dead.
They offered to replace him but as far as we knew they could only get him at Disneyland. I said it was OK and I understood that accidents happen.
This hurt more than I would let anyone know. 
 Oh we eventually went back to Disneyland a couple of years later and I went back to the same shop with some boyish notion that everything would be the same and I could just replace my Herbie.
 I left in tears with a "Big Al" patch.
I've been looking for Herbie on and off now for, oh some 35+ years. I see him occasionally on E-bay. He runs anywhere from 200 to 500 dollars.
Sometimes I find him but don't have the disposable income to get him and sometimes I have the disposable income but he is nowhere to be found.
This toy would not complete my life, I have 2 kids that do that.
If I ever were to get it I would probably just set it on a shelf.
But I would still have Herbie back and every time my eyes fell on his curved white hood the eight year old in me would smile.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Hitting the hot spots

The flag is the flag. People have bled, fought and died for it. The colors do not run and, unless the country falls and is taken over by another country, it does not change.

The confederate flag is a piece of our history. It needs to be flown as a remembrance of who we are and what we have gone through to get where we are.

Vaccinate your kids. If not for their sake then for the kids they come in contact with. If you don't want to then please move to the Appalachians and live with the hillbilly's.

Racism is wrong in every form

Discrimination is wrong in every form. You cannot deny someone just because you don't like what they like.

The President is the President. They all have sucked from George Washington on down but that's what we signed on for when we ditched Britain. The next one will not be any better. You may not like the man but respect the office.

No one in politics should be able to continue to hold their office longer than 10 years. That part of our system is broken and needs to be fixed immediately but who is going to vote their job away.

Corporations exist to make money. They will care about every aspect of their bottom line before they care about you. That's commerce. That's the way it works. Get over it.

If you are in a country illegally you have absolutely no claim to any benefits of that country. If you do not like it then leave said country.

Dont hurt your kids. Love your family and be excellent to one another.
OK I think that covers everything.
Did I miss something?

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

the end is nigh

I used to think that the world wasn't spiraling down the drain. That the reason we heard about so much crazy going on was just because, due to the internet and modern tech, we had more access to more information. That the world had just grown smaller because we knew everything about every little corner and knew it instantly.
I was wrong.
The world is spiraling down the drain. Morals are a rare commodity and common sense isn't so common. They say that, as a whole, the human race is smarter now than it has ever been but on any given day we fail to prove the fact.
We need a reset. An apocalypse that thins the herd and sets us back a decade or two because without it we are running downhill face first into an armageddon of our own design.
I'm not trying to be a bleak Bennie here, I am just scared to death of what is around the corner.
Something has to change.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Depression, in someone elses own words

Depression, in my own words.

You can’t explain to someone who hasn’t been there what it’s like to wake up, and the black curtain of storm clouds have suddenly dropped around you. How do you face the people around you, silently mouthing to each other “again?”. How can you explain that the objectively irrational impulses seem subjectively rational? That you understand that you’re not OK, but there’s nothing you can do to change it, while the world goes on making demands as if you still felt “normal”.
Your partner still wants you to be able to be there for her. The kids still want to get hugs from you – and they still need to eat. The boss still wants you to output widgets. The bank still wants you to make payments on the credit cards you used to survive when things went pear-shaped last time. The landlord still wants his rent.
There are two ways things can go from here. Sometimes with a good night’s sleep (or two, or more), and some looking after yourself, things will be OK again, and you’ll pick up your stuff, and keep moving forwards.
Sometimes, things don’t get better. The wiring isn’t just on the fritz, it’s burnt out. If you ask for help, they’ll insist on chemical assistance. They don’t really understand quite why or how the chemicals work, but “they should help”. They might (will) have side effects. The cure might end up being worse than the disease. If that one doesn’t work, they have others. Or a cocktail of medications, each one to deal with the side effects of another. That way lies its own unique madness.
With the meds, they might prescribe talking. Lots of talking, in the vain hope that like the infinite monkeys with their infinite typewriters might turn out some Shakespeare, if you say enough words for long enough, everything might fall into place. Sometimes they’re good at listening, sometimes they’re not. With the right person, it helps.
Some sift your words carefully, picking out the little nuggets of truth that help you understand a little better who you are. Others nod, grunt, and write you another prescription. I’ve known both. And it’s expensive to sit in a little room and talk. When you’re in a situation where you need to sit in a little room and talk, there’s a good chance that you’re not in a position to be able to afford it.
Fortunately, for me, most days now resemble ordinary. I wake up. I stare at the face in the mirror worn with lines I don’t remember collecting, and stubble that feels like it belongs on someone older than me. I go to work, and try to fit into “normal” like a cheap suit that I bought in a hurry and can’t take back.
But occasionally, there are those days. Days where the mask is tissue-paper thin. Surviving the day is an act of will that leaves a lingering exhaustion that seeps into your bones. Like a drowning man in a flash flood, you wrap yourself around the hope that the waters will recede soon, and you’ll be safe and dry again.
At least until the next deluge.

--While I own the sentiment I cannot claim the words.
This was created by a creature called a Warwick on Wazzapedia

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Devils Drug

I seem to have a problem with some of the more basic human functions.
Ever since my teen years, I've always had insomnia.
Sometimes it is slight sometimes it just totally kicks my butt.
In fact, in the past 3 or 4 months I have been averaging maybe about 
2 hours a night.
That's from 3am to 5am and that's if I am lucky.
Not sure what was causing it but I think it passed last week.
I mentioned it to my doctor on Wednesday and he said "Hey! Try Ambien!"
My doctor really, REALLY likes his prescription pad.
I said "sure! I will give it a shot. I could use at least 1 good night's sleep."
He said "be careful though it can cause amnesia."
"Why the hell would you prescribe it for me then?" I thought but figured 
what the hell.
And what have I learned?
Ambien is the devil 
 This is what I would assume a roofie feels like.

I normally toss and turn and mumble and get up and basically turn the bed into 
the linen equivalent of one of those paint mixing machines you see at Walmart.
I took a 10mg pill on Wednesday night, oh about 8:30pm because hey, sleep!
And according to my wife flat out died.
Or basically I was an immobile sack of meat with a pulse.

Until, that is, Zeus started whining.
No, the Elder Greek God did not start complaining to me,(however I wouldn't 
blame him because Zeus sounds so much cooler than Jupiter but that's a different
 train of thought.)
No it was my daughters German Shepard that did.
So About 11ish I dragged my sluggish butt out of the bed and mumbling what I can
 only assume were Celtic magical incantations, because they were not words. 
Or English. Or even fully audible for that matter.
I let the dog out of his kennel and took him to the garage door.
Now here is where I must have not have been moving fast enough because as soon as 
I opened the door I was airborne.
The whole thing is kinda fuzzy so I do not know if I just tried to take a step 
and utterly failed at the simple act of walking
Or I was pushed out of the way by the furry lummox that is Zeus.
I am thinking it was the former but for the sake of ego, I am claiming the latter.
I ended up on the garage floor and where my left foot was flat footed my right foot
 well I basically tried to stand on my ankle.
Yeah it is still bruised and painful.

From what I have pieced together I then went into the living room with the dogs
 and carried on a scintillating and intelligent text conversation with my daughter 
that was both witty and enlightening.
I can vaguely remember typing on the phone but it's like looking through
 a Vaseline smeared lens
 and as for the typing I think it looked more like a 4 year old mashing piano keys
 than anything as dexterous as typing.

So as you can see kiddies, Just say No.

Friday, May 29, 2015

The Invisible Mom

Best Analogy of the Existence of the Invisible God I’ve Ever Heard

Even though we can’t see him, we believe in him.
My daughter-in-law sent me this story by Hungarian writer Útmutató a Léleknek:
In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”
The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”
The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”
The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”
The second insisted, “Well I think there is something, and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”
The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover, if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”
The first replied, “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”
The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”
Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”
To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

I am not preachy and I dont flaunt my religion but I liked this analogy enough to add it here.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


You know, I get it. I truly do. I understand about the stalking of the prey thing. I've even done it.
Its not for me but I get it.
What I don't get...
What I don't understand is why do you hunt what you hunt?
You can hunt wild boar in the American South because there are an invasive species that needs to be culled or else they take over. Plus they are dangerous. Cool. knock yourselves out.
If you need to hunt down a rogue tiger or elephant because they have endangered the populous. OK sure. I got your back on that one.
Even if you are hunting elk, antelope, deer, pheasant, etc. That's fine because the hunters that hunt these normally eat them too.
But walking into a lions territory and gunning him down. Nah that's not cool.
How would you like it if you were sitting at home and someone kicks your door down and says “ill give you to the count of 5” and then hunts you down and kills you just to have their picture taken next to your cold corpse.
Why kill a giraffe? Thats like going onto a farm and shooting farmer Joe's cow.
There is no sport in killing a docile animal.
There is a difference between killing a deer and a giraffe. The deer is going to be eaten the giraffe is purely for the sport.
As for elephants, that's just wrong. Clear across the board, its wrong.
I would rather see you give a 9mm to another human and then you can hunt each other. Now that would be sporty. That would be worth the picture.
Hunting a grizzly bear with a Bowie knife? Go for it. Hunting anything with just a Bowie knife is cool by me. That shows you have stealth and patience and endurance. Shooting a grazing animal from a football field away just shows you have a strong pocketbook.
I don't see it as sporting unless the animal has the same chance that you do.
Evenly matched.
A sporting chance as it were.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Watch for motorcycles

My nephew Andrew had just gotten off of work and was heading home. Home was just 2 blocks away and he was crossing an inersection on his motorcycle when he was struck by a young lady in her truck.

He fought a valiant fight for a few hours but eventually succumbed to his injuries. He left behind a young son and his wife of two weeks.

He was my first "son" and I do miss him greatly.


Friday, April 24, 2015

Getting Old

My wife just loves all those murder and mayhem shows.
CSI, NCIS, law and Order.
Anything that has someone getting shot and or dismembered is fair game for her.
She will literally turn on NCIS and leave it there for the entire weekend.

Dude. I just can’t take it anymore.
I used to like those shows too but guess I am just getting old.
All of the blood and the bashing and the rapes and the racism and the scores of dead bodies.
It is just getting to be too much for me. I already know how horrible man is and can be
I don’t want to escape TO that I want to escape FROM that.

Maybe that’s why I like my fantasy so much more.
It’s further removed from all of this “ripped from the headline” crap.

I’d rather watch a dragon burn 2 scores of village innocence than watch Thomas Gibson climb into the head of this week’s neo-Nazi pedophilic serial killer.
I’d rather watch this week’s villain freeze dry the Flash then watch Mark Harmon get his man
I’d rather watch all of the biters and geeks in the Walking Dead get smooshified in various ways than watch Vincent D’Onofrio hunting for a crack head Jesus freak

Like I said, just getting old.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Death of innocence

I can recall the first time I ever really thought about the future.
It was back in 1980 and I was in the 6th grade. There was a meteor shower that night so my sister and I were laying out on the sidewalk in front of the house watching the skies. We lived in a small town in California then so of course it was a beautiful night.
As I lay there staring up into the black sky with its millions of twinkling stars my mind started to wander.
I thought about going into the 7th grade when school started up next and my sister was starting High School.
Then it started to snowball in my head
Then in just 2 years I would be in High School and she would be a Junior
and then she would be a senior and graduating and then moving away
and then I would be graduating and...
It got to be too much for me.
I couldnt handle it.
It was just too big for my eleven year old mind to handle.
I got scared.
I started to cry.
I dont mean sniffles I mean full on no sound coming out bawling.
I ran inside the house to find the only comfort I knew.
I needed my mommy.
She was in the bathroom.
I pounded on the door. “Mooommm!” I yelled “I (sob) need (sniff) you”
“What!” she hollered back through the door “what wrong”
but I didnt know what was wrong.
I couldnt put into words what I was feeling.
I didnt even know what I was feeling
I needed comfort.
I needed reassurance.
I stood there nonplussed.
How do I say that I am scared of the future? How do I vocalize that I am scared of growing up and leaving everything I know right now behind me.
“nothing” I finally managed to get out, holding back the sadness in my voice as best I could
“never mind”
“ok well just go back outside then, I'll be out in a minute”
so I went back outside
and I lay there staring up at the vast cosmos without really seeing it.
My sister asked me if I was ok.
“yeah, I'm fine” I replied
but I wasnt.
I mark that moment as the starting of the death of my childhood. Now I know it is not nearly as catastrophic of a childhood decline as some but that was mine.