Thursday, December 24, 2009

Crap a movie.Wipe with cash.Repeat.

Proof of Character.

Ok anyone who knows me knows that I like the star wars films. They changed my life when I was a lad. I still to this day hold them in a special place in my heart and LOVE to collect and wear vests. The scruffy scoundrel is always my favorite character no matter what movie it is.

Being as such I feel it is my obligation to point out how much worse the first 3 are then the last 3 or I mean episodes 1 through 3 sucked and episodes 4-6 were good.
This is what I want you to do (and you dont have to do it here but you can if you like)
I want you to describe for me the following Star Wars characters WITHOUT saying what they looked like, what the wore, what their profession or role in the movie was.
Describe it as if you were describing the character to someone who had no idea anything about Star Wars.

Han Solo
Qui-Gon Jinn
Queen Amidala
Darth Vader
Darth Tyrannus

Now if you dont feel like playing this game I will boil it down for you.
For the 70s/80s group adjectives and adverbs are abundant.
For the other 3 pull out a dictionary and thesaurus and you might be able to create a coherant sentence.
This my friends is called character development.
Lucas wasn't even trying this 2nd go around.
well wasn't trying for anything except to pay for a new boat or an addition to his house.

I'm a fan.
I try to stay loyal.
sometimes they make it pretty damn hard.
OK I gotta admit here and now that I did not 100% come up with this initial concept.
I just happened across a series that visualized what I was thinking.

WARNING: NSFW due to language

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Xmas Rant

time for the regular rant on this two sided shit I have to put up with.

Here we are at Christmas time again and the great double standard that I am married to raises it’s ugly head.
For 20+ years now it has been the same thing over and over again.
I look for that one special gift. I am thoughtful and I plan and save and always go a step above and beyond every year for my wife for Christmas.
Yes I am tooting my own for a bit here I deserve it.
I am damn thoughtful!

Every year my wife gets me one step above a gift card.
For instance, and this was classic, last year I got her a beautiful diamond ring of her own choosing (amongst other things)
I got floor mats for the car.
I am very well aware that it is the thought and not the gift that counts but sometimes its nice to know some thought went into the gift!!
I am not hard to shop for. I am really good at pointing at stuff and saying “I want that for Christmas” (even if it is Carmen Electra, but I digress).
For example:
I have asked for the same 2 things for about 6 to 7 years now.
All Star Wars movies on DVD
All the Star Trek Movies on DVD
Not that hard? They even sell them in packages, second hand and ½ price.
I get stuff that “we” can use or that she wants me to have.
I even had to buy my own Birthday present with the money given to me by my employer for turning 40.
I got a 42” flat screen TV for our bedroom to replace the 20 year old 20” we had been using.
That was it.
Received nothing from my wife and/or kids. BTW: just so you know, The kids I don’t blame, they are kids. They could give me a hug and a drawing and I would feel rich as a king.
When I asked my wife what I was getting for my birthday (the next day, of course, since I spent the day waiting for something to come that never did.) she said “I already got it, it was the TV I bought.”
I think I have covered all this ground before, I know I have in my head.
I always feel like a cad and a heel even considering it because I am not a materialistic kinda guy.
I feel no need to keep up with the Jones’s or always have the latest and greatest.
I don’t spend that much on myself. That TV was one of the biggest things I had ever bought for myself (if you don’t count computers, which I upgrade when the time and money is right for all our uses. I haven’t upgraded the desktop in over 5+ years.

I guess I would just like to get something from my wife that I mentioned 6 months ago in passing and she got it for me because she knew I really wanted it.

His year she got the camera she had been lusting over for the past 2 months.

OK I could go on and I just might but for now I’m outta steam.

Friday, December 18, 2009

we gotta go now.yayayaya ya

My favorites are the curtains and the stuff inside the fridge.
Louie is loved.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Lead characters:

Wildcat: We have been friends for 21 years, lovers for 20, married for 18, parents for 13. I have given to her everything I am and hope(d) to be. There are times Wildcat when you are my best friend and other’s my vilest nemesis. Either one is fine, but I cannot stand it when we are in the middle of the road.

Blake: Ever since High School Blake has wanted to do, nothing but sit at home with his significant other. 20+ years later Blake is still striving for this goal. When Blake is down – There is energy there and a compatriot in mischief. When Blake is up – he is reclusive, wrapped in his family cocoon and unseen. Blake knows that I am always there for him and will help him hide the bodies.

Gear: We have talked, chatted and goofed off together. We met in High School since both of us are friends of Blake and became friends as well. I think some more effort on my part and we could have even a better, greater friendship. It is hard when your old and settled, also, I don't know jack about engines and cars and Gear doesn't know computers and applications.

PHM or Princess High and Mighty: My daughter. Beautiful heart breaker girl who just happens to be blonde to the bone. I do enjoy hearing her laugh.

Beasty: My son. A hyper-active old soul who is discovering life as he goes. He and I are a lot alike, poor kid. Cute as a button too if I do say so myself.

Harley: Harley and I became fast friends about a year ago. My kids have adopted her as their Aunt. Not sure how or why THAT happened. I do enjoy talking to her. She is a treasure.

Reoccurring Characters:

Freebird: Glad you moved back, old bean. We have been through some really odd adventures together and we both know where the bodies are buried. I hope that we can create some new adventures on this side of the law.

Jack: I have known Jack for literally her entire life. Recently events have evolved and Jack and I have formed a kinship that is pretty strong and pretty close. I do hope to grow and explore this further. Jack is pretty cool and I am happy when I can be there for her to turn to.

Mr. Jones: and I met right out of High School. We liked to do things together all the time and every weekend. Then life intervened. I got married and had kids (which suck up 95% of your time) then Jones went and did the same thing. Ah, the natural tearing and ripping of time against a friendship. I haven't talked to Jones in years; even when we worked together, it was cordial and strained at best.

Mr. Smith: Longest best friend I ever had but then Smith dangled a tantalizing carrot in front of me and pulled me away from my drab life that I was making incremental progress within. This was just so he could get a bonus for hiring me. I could have said no but I knew it was a one in a lifetime opportunity. Within a week, I was miles away from everything I ever held dear in my life, broke and bankrupt and in a career I had no idea how to do. I set my entire families lives into my friend’s hands and trusted him. Next thing I realize is that I have been dumped out in the Georgia wilderness with Smith’s estranged spouse and forgotten about. I saw him at work occasionally but that’s was it. I got pretty pissed off and depressed at this entire situation. I had NO money, no support system, no friends, no family, my kids were just babies (at the time) and I missed them so much.
Then the dotcom went belly-up.
Long story short I never even told him when I moved back to Kansas.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Father Kidnapped Daughter’s Killer to Bring Him to Justice

Father Kidnapped Daughter’s Killer to Bring Him to Justice

What would you do if someone killed your child, and authorities refused to extradite the suspect? Here’s what one father allegedly did:

A retired accountant whose daughter was killed 27 years ago was facing charges last night over the alleged abduction of the man he always blamed for her death.
The man was left bound, gagged and injured outside a French courtroom.
AndrĂ© Bamberski, 72, is suspected of taking justice into his own hands over the German authorities’ failure to act against Dieter Krombach, a German cardiologist, after a French court convicted him of manslaughter in his absence.

Mr Krombach, 74, was found trussed up with head injuries in a lane near the criminal court in the eastern city of Mulhouse on Sunday after an anonymous caller with an Eastern European accent tipped off police.
Mr Bamberski, who is of Polish origin and lives near Toulouse, was in Mulhouse at the weekend and is suspected of making the call, police said.

Do two wrongs make a right or is Bamberski – if he did do it – justified in kidnapping the (Update 10/26/09: alleged/convicted – there’s controversy about this) killer? What would YOU do if it were your child?
My thoughts?

I may have covered this before.

If it were my daughter or my son that was the victim then there would be no hope for my Mr. Krombach.
I will spare you the gory details but needless to say I have thought about this situation before and I would be merciless. Every ingenious tool that I could lay my hands on would be used. Power tools, heavy sedatives, fire, ice and hungry rabid animals would ALL be on the menu.

Losing you child to a soulless beast such as that deserves a long laundry list of depravities in return.

Sure, only God can judge man.

Somebody has to arrange the meeting though.

If I were to lose one of my children in such a manner I am sure part of my soul with be destroyed. Being such I would be careful in not being caught in such an act. If BOTH of my children were to be lost, then there is nothing on this earth I would have left to live for. Being caught would be the last thing to consider.

Arranging enough time to be able to extract my crumb of justice from the man would be my first thought.

OK I'm done venting now...

Monday, December 7, 2009

A Flamer

Have you ever intentionally set yourself on fire? An odd sentence in itself I must admit that in my youth I have.

I was at a party (actually it was MY party at my parents home but
shh don’t tell my mom.)

I was 17ish and oddly enough the only sober person in the room.
We were all lounging around the living room and I had a can of hairspray and a lighter.
I was “bored” which, as in most cases, is a very dangerous thing to be.

Now I am sure you can see where this is going but it gets stupider.

I was sitting on the floor and would spray a line along my jeans, light it up, let it burn for a bit then pat it out.
That was amusing…for a little while.
Then I did both legs, lit them up and patted the flames out.

Oh what a joy!

Until THAT got boring.
Finally I stood up and aimed the hairspray at my crotch.

All conversation halted immediately.
“You wouldn’t” said a girl named Cricket.

“I dare you.” Said my best bud Blake.

Of course it had to be from my best bud. Your bestest of friends are always the first to see how far you will go but with love.
With a smirk I started spraying


The lighter goes flick

And with a flourish my wedding tackle goes whoosh

A lovely bit of flame it was too. all kinds of pretty colors!

I sat back down with my warming crotch and admired my significant achievement.
Then it started to get warmer.
“OK” I thought “shows over”
As I raised my hand up to extinguish the flame a little voice spoke up in the back of my head.
“Umm whatcha doin?”

As my hand descended to the point of impact this same little voice virtually screamed again
“What in the HELL are you doing!?”


Have you ever intentionally punched yourself in the groin?
An odd sentence in itself I must admit that in my youth I have.

I got a standing ovation.

Youth… sometimes it’s amazing we ever survive it.

...and park in the driveway

Driveway: as in I parked my car in the driveway and not the living room. I had to stop and think about this word last night. Yes had to It was on the White Board. Where did that word come from? My Theory it is a bastardization of “Drive Away” as in “Well Clem, I’ma gonna pahk ma cah herea, so Aye can just drive away later.
Well everybody wanted to park at this convenient spot. Soon Clem was telling everyone to
“Go ahead and park there so you can drive away.”
And then down to “Don’t you be parkn in my drive away spot! I gots a goat shipment acoming.”
Then down to “Theres a new cah in the drive away.”
Finally “You boy be bleedin all over mise driveway!”

Or something like that.
I could be wrong.

By the way:
I am sorry if your name is Clem.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Odd comment:

OK I was babbling on a few months ago about theater life back in the “good ol days”
scratch that

Just “The old days


I made mention of a person I went to school with named Paul Crandon. I am 100% positive Paul has not 1 iota of a clue who the hell I am. We did not hang together. Once we had a 6 sentence discussion about the album “Chicago 17” outside of the theater doors.

Regardless though, (I like that word, regardless)

I made mention of one of his on stage appearances. Nothing inflammatory as I have nothing bad to say about him.
I am just cursed with an eidetic memory and there is always more room out then there is in.* I was just throwing memories out against the wall to see what stuck.
Then all of the sudden
yesterday he makes a comment on the post.

My shit was significantly freaked.


I guess wondering how he got to that post.

Kinda cool really.

Hey Paul!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

walkin and talkin

The oddest thing happened yesterday.
I was in the elevator with a couple of people from work headed out for the day. One of them, a gorgeous raven-haired beauty, was strapped up with all her yoga equipment for class later.
We had the normal chitchat on the elevator as we made it down to the lobby and we continued as we passed through the hallways to the outside. As we were traveling, I made an aside that she needed a Sherpa for her gear.
She laughed (which of course, gorgeous chick laughing at dorks joke, is the equivalent of giving a small child a lollipop for good behavior.)
Then the guy that was walking with us piped up with
“What is a Sherpa?”
Just at that moment the oddest thing happened that I have never been conscious of before.
As I was consciously formatting the reply as to the definition of a Sherpa in my head, I realized that my mouth was already moving! Not being truly aware as my intention to speak yet I tuned in to what I was saying and realized I was spewing out the precise and perfect definition of a Sherpa.
I was truly amazed at this even marveling at the “traipsing through the Himalayas” remark that went with it.
I didn’t stutter, falter or grasp for words as this pinpoint description rolled off my tongue like word marbles.
First off, I have a huge vocabulary rolling around in my noggin and yet I have a very difficult time in defining the words I use. Kind of a “I can use it in a sentence correctly but don’t ask me what it really means.”
Secondly, I had not been thinking about Sherpa that day so I am not really sure how this word popped up on the whiteboard in my head. I am sure a remark pertaining to a pack mule would have been more the normal response.
Thirdly, where did that definition come from? I cant even recall everything I said, just that last part because I wasn’t really paying attention.
This is the first time I have ever consciously been able to witness me unconsciously thinking one thing and saying another. I mentioned it to Wildcat and she was like “and?”.
I guess it is the first time I had not been in control. I am sure I was in control the whole time but there was moment there when I had no idea what was going on.