A Flamer

Have you ever intentionally set yourself on fire? An odd sentence in itself I must admit that in my youth I have.

I was at a party (actually it was MY party at my parents home but
shh don’t tell my mom.)

I was 17ish and oddly enough the only sober person in the room. We were all lounging around the living room and I had a can of hairspray and a lighter.
I was “bored” which, as in most cases, is a very dangerous thing to be.
Now I am sure you can see where this is going but it gets stupider.

I was sitting on the floor and would spray a line along my jeans, light it up, let it burn for a bit then pat it out.
That was amusing…for a little while.
Then I did both legs, lit them up and patted the flames out.

Oh what a joy!

Until THAT got boring.
Finally I stood up and aimed the hairspray at my crotch.
All conversation halted immediately.
“You wouldn’t” said a girl named Cricket.
“I dare you.” Said my best bud Blake.
Of course it had to be from my best bud. Your bestest of friends are always the first to see how far you will go but with love.
With a smirk I started spraying
Psssssssssssttt
The lighter goes flick
And with a flourish my wedding tackle goes whoosh

A lovely bit of flame it was too. all kinds of pretty colors!
I sat back down with my warming crotch and admired my significant achievement. Then it started to get warmer.
“OK” I thought “shows over”
As I raised my hand up to extinguish the flame a little voice spoke up in the back of my head.
“Umm whatcha doin?”
As my hand descended to the point of impact this same little voice virtually screamed again
“What in the HELL are you doing!?”

**Impact**

Have you ever intentionally punched yourself in the groin?
An odd sentence in itself I must admit that in my youth I have.

I got a standing ovation.

Youth… sometimes it’s amazing we ever survive it.