Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Snakes on a Plane

My sister is a great lady. I call her "Squeaky"*
She is short of stature and young looking and yet is 2 years my elder.
In fact many a time when she was raising her kids a person would come to the door and ask her if her mommy was home.
"I am the mommy" would be her response.
She has a massive snake phobia. To the point where she will not even touch a page of a book with a snake on it.
Of course being her little brother, this is something I MUST exploit.

Point One:
We were at the Denver zoo. Oh it was about 7 years ago or so.
We were walking toward the big cat exhibit, to which they were watering the plants outside of it.
I walked up next to Squeaky and very, very nonchalantly nudged and pointed to the garden hose
And said "Hey Squeaks, check out the snake." There was no alarm in my voice. Hell I was lighting a cigarette at the time. I was just being a pain in the ass.
I was expecting maybe a slug in the arm.
I was not expecting her blood curling scream as she throws her husband at the offending hose and dashed off into the building. Screaming the whole way.
I cried.
I fell down and wept tears of laughter for a good 20 minutes.
Oh how it hurt.
I barely remember the rest of the zoo as I would start chuckling to myself and laughing.
I'm grinning just thinking about it.

Point Two:
A few years later, we were at the Sedgwick County Zoo here is Kansas and we were walking toward the reptile house. Now this time I knew she was apprehensive about the whole "going in where THEY are" thing.
I could not resist.
There were seed pods from the trees lying around everywhere and they made a little rattle when you shook them.
Yeah, you know where this is going.
I handed one to my son who was maybe 6 at the time and said
"Take this to Aunt Squeaky and shake it at her and yell snake."
OK not to subtle but she wouldn't expect it from him.
So he did.
Not sure what I really expected to happen...
She screamed (not the little eek kinda scream but the whole lung "OHMYGOD THAT MAN HAS A BLOODY CHAINSAW!! Kinda scream)
And leapt onto her poor husbands back
Screaming in his ear.



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    1. Hmm I'll have to check but on my phone they are loading just fine. Thanks.


Thrill me...dripsome brain droppings here.