Thursday, July 15, 2010

To all the loved lost

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to say a final fair thee well to a close dear friend of mine.
He was known by oh so well by many names but I always liked to call him Libido.
Libido and I first met back when I was just entering my double digits, age wise.
I had no clue who he was to begin with.
Seemed like one day I was watching the Muppet Show and then the next he was asking me what Ms. Piggy looked like naked! I didn’t know what he was talking about!
He taught me quickly and efficiently though.
He was always hungry! Oh what an appetite he had.
Why I remember once when I was about 17 I was dating this rather attractive older woman from work and by the end of one night he had ensured that he had been fed 9 times.
9 full course “meals”! I am sure if I hadn’t insisted on at least an hour of sleep he would have strove for a 10th.
Oh the times we had together, always working together through the thick and thin. We strove on together, through the droughts as well as basking in the abundances. In my 20’s his appetite grew to almost an insatiable point.
At one point he must have felt it was his God given right to have 3 feedings a day and restraining him to accepting just when there was availability was difficult.
Then as I grew older we started to drift apart. We communicated less and less and I started to miss his daily communications.
Then recently I discovered that he was not communicating anymore.
It’s a medical fact that an average male thinks about sex every 7 seconds. I think that my 7 seconds are spaced out fewer and far between and Libido just doesn’t pick up the phone as quickly as he once did.
Now days Libido just sits back in his comfy chair and watches the world go by. I am sure he ruminates about times long ago and relishes those moments we had together. He still has all the equipment and functionality that he once had he has just lost his lust for life he once had.
I can still manage to poke and prod him back into his old job now and again but for the most part he has lost the urge to do his job with the gusto he had once upon a time.
So Ladies and Gentlemen (well mostly Ladies, the gentlemen can get bent) today we officially retire the old man and move him back into a reserve status.
Like a retired superhero he will be called upon in times of great need, once more to lift up his 9 inch lance and sally forth into battle.
However, for the most part he will be allowed to sit back and relax and enjoy his silver age years.
Good bye Libido and fair thee well.
You will be missed


  1. hilarious and well-written, but unfortunate in its context -- and worse yet, for me personally, that i feel like i could've written this post myself and i won't even be twenty-three for another month! i mean, i see a sexy, er, car hood lady, i read about nine times and nine inches, and no visceral reaction? damn that lazy libido!

  2. danimo! Welcome back!
    I good point is that a mild electrical shock can stimulate the system better then the small blue pill.
    Gives a whole different take on "dont taze me bro"


Thrill me...dripsome brain droppings here.