Friday, July 16, 2010
I asked my 14 year old Princess High and Mighty if she might like to go on a daddy/daughter date before she goes back to school (and after she gets back from bible camp)
I was informed that “she does not like to do that kind of thing anymore.”
That was a stab and a twist.
I figured this day would eventually come.. ok no. that’s not true.
I did not think this day would ever come. I thought that PHM and I had such a good relationship that we could do this kinda thing forever.
Just her and I off to goof around together.
Now I have discovered that I have once again fucked up.
I am a professional at this.
The time I hold most precious to me I have squandered away on the most worthless of investments… myself. I have been stuck in this depression rut for 7 years now.
7 years lost.
7 FUCKING YEARS!!!
Moping, sleeping, never going anywhere, never doing anything. No energy, no pleasure, just me alone with me. Finally I start to raise up out of this pit of despair.
Climbing hand over hand, Kicking and clawing my way out.
I guess no one around me knows what to do.
The wife treats me with a certain amount of disgust and disdain because she doesn’t remember what it felt like when she was in this state.
When we moved from Kansas to Georgia she fell into her own depression.
She was away from her “Lifelines” meaning her mom and dad. (the apron strings are knotted here but that is another story for another time)
Wavy lines~~wavy lines~~
I was working 2 jobs in Kansas and was offered a position in Georgia for an IT company
making about 10k more then I was in Kansas.
It was a hard decision but I jumped at the chance with both feet.
The company I was working for went belly up and I had a choice to make.
I had moved to Georgia to make a new better life for me and my family.
Now I had a decision to make.
Stay in Georgia and try and make a go of it again.
Make my wife smile again and lower my expectations and destroy any progressive movement I have made towards an actual career and move back to stagnant Kansas.
Well obviously you know what happened.
I guess I am trying to say here is I feel I have sacrificed to help my wife and my children.
I have lost those precious moments by either not being there physically or mentally
And now as I am finally climbing toward the light… a boot shows up and steps on my face.
I was thinking the other day how ironic it was that I have been told time and time again how funny I am and yet each day it is so hard for me to even smile.
God, I am sorry people.
Welcome to the most depressing blog in the world
Sick homeless puppies used as balls in rugby.
mentally regurgitated by ZomBee