brace for impact

You know that old saying that “God doesn’t hit you with more than you can handle.”?

(ok I paraphrased, just go with it.)

I am under the opinion that that is a crock.

My life has been a series of beat downs, disappointments, misery and despair.

I feel guilty about complaining about all my tribulations because I know many people who have had so much worse happen to them. Daddies die in the war, families ripped apart, tornados ripping out people’s lives.

I feel bad for them I truly do but this is my life. It’s the only one I have and it should be better than this.

I try to count the good and focus on that but the bad keeps rearing its ugly face.

My life should be, the one I want:

• leisure time with enough money to comfortably do what I wish.

(yeah who doesn’t want this)

• The ability to spend my time with my family and focus solely on them.

(I don’t want to be worrying about this boulder over my head and albatross on my neck)

• A nice house in a nice neighborhood.

(nothing fancy but something big enough to hold everything and be proud of)

• Drive a car from this century

(In 3 years my Taurus can be classified as an antique)

• Be able to send my children to the college of their choice.

(This hurts the worse)

• To look forward to retirement.

(I’m afraid I will either be dead or eating catfood in a van down by the river.)

Instead I have exact opposites of all of those

Literally and truthfully a complete 180. (180,181 whatever it takes)

I ask myself daily where did I turn wrong.

Which deity did I piss off to get this?

And where in the world did I ever run across a gypsy to curse me.

It has gotten to the point that, and here I am not exaggerating, when an event comes down to 2 possible outcomes. One being bliss and wonderful and the other being horrible and woeful. I always start planning on how to come back from the second because the first just doesn’t ever happen.

“Oh you are such a pessimist, look on the bright side!”

No.

What you are saying to me is, if someone is standing over you with a baseball bat and is repeatedly thunking your skull you would have the presence of mind to stop and think “well maybe this next one will feel like sunshine and daisies.”

Yeah, not me

I’m just bracing for the next blow.

Stardust

I was watching the science channel and just thought this was amazing

You are made of stardust. You are a star child, born from the death of a star.

Your body is made up of all kinds of atoms, right?

Hydrogen and Oxygen and Carbon, just all kinds.

There is only one place where these atoms are created and that is within the heart of a star.

That means that millions of years ago a star died.

This motherstar exploded in a fiery supernova which spread the components for life across the galaxy. These atoms finally came to rest on earth and eventually became part of you.

Your right arm could be composed of atoms from a star that died millions of years ago and your left arm could be composed of atoms from an entirely different star. This also means that a newborn child is made up of components that are millions and millions of millions of years old.

That which is new is old again.

A little THEOLOGY

Putting the dispute of any theology and the existence of God aside, I have a logical question about the proximity of Heaven and Hell.

Heaven is geared up to be a glorious place of love and eternal happiness. No sadness, no weeping, just joy. Basically from what I remember you will spend all of eternity singing God’s praises and just basking in his holy presence.

Honestly that doesn’t sound too appealing to me.

In contrast, Hell is a foul place of eternal pain and torment. Just all of eternity have your soul ripped, poked and violated in all kinds of ways. No happiness to be had here just sorrow.

Yeah not too appealing either

Now, according to the bible, you can see one from the other. One can look from Heaven into the pits of Hell and visa-versa. For instance, in there is the instance of Abraham and Lazarus and the thirsty rich man, he hollers up to them to get him a drink (Luke 16:19-31).

That’s gotta suck.

But let’s say I am blowing up one small portion of the Bible and no one really knows what it is truly like.

Obviously you must keep some small portion of who you were on earth otherwise there wouldn’t be this religious push to be good and follow God’s commands and whatnot. It would be just a matter of cleaning the person part off the soul like wiping a chalk board and off you go.

So there you are in Heaven looking around and where is everyone?

Where is Grandma and Uncle Bilbo

Where is Jennifer Love Hewitt and my 2^nd grade teacher?

You would then know that if they are not there then they are elsewhere.

Now how am I supposed to enjoy my eternal gift in Heaven knowing that my dear old dad is burning in a lake of fire?

Then again, if anyone actually had the answers to this question they wouldn’t need to have as much faith.
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Conspiracy

• I believe we are not alone in this vast universe because if you think about it there are roughly over 500 billion stars in our galaxy alone and there are roughly 600 trillion galaxies we can see so the odds are in the favor that somewhere out there is at least 1 planet that can sustain intelligent life but I don’t believe in alien abductions.

• I believe in ghosts/spiritual residue because I have my own experiences with things that go bump in the night but I don’t believe in demonic possession.

• I believe that the assassination of JFK was a coup and that Lyndon Johnson was directly involved or at least had a hand in it. Why? Because while I do believe that a lone nutcase can try to make a name for himself there is just too much data that directs otherwise.

• I believe in evolution but I also believe in creationism. I believe that while God did create the heavens and the earth it doesn’t say how he did it. I believe that while there was a Garden of Eden it wasn’t necessarily on this very planet and the bible also does not describe what was going on outside of the garden.

• I believe that the Bible started out as the word of God however I also believe that man has poked his grubby paws into it and manipulated/changed it to suit his needs or wants.

• I believe that while being the President of the united States is a thankless job that I wouldn’t want I also believe that the president isn’t much more than a figurehead nowadays.

• I believe that there is a force behind the government that tells them how and what to do. Maybe not so much an illuminati per se but a bunch of old rich guys.

• I believe that there is a lot of information that is kept from the public knowledge for the good of the public. For instance why are we pushing so hard to find a way to live on another planet when we haven’t fully explored this one?

• I believe that the people that have the big money are repressing advancements to keep them in the big money as long as possible to the determent of society as a whole. For instance: Why are we still using a internal combustion engine in the 21^st century? We can put a computer into a pair of eyeglasses but we can’t come up with something better then contained explosions? The technology for better and more efficient has been there, electric cars have been around since 1914, but we still use old outdated tech because there is profit there.

• I don’t believe in telepathy or telekinesis but I really want to.

• I have no faith in humankind and loathe the species as a whole but I want to be wrong. I want the stories that you see where someone has stepped up and done something so wonderful and humane for someone else to be the norm and not the exception. I want it to be the every day, the mundane and not so rare and exceptional that it becomes news.

But hey that’s just me.

Maybe I am wrong.

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR'S TRULY

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOUR'S TRULY

1.  I had an above average IQ (145). I am too lazy to actually use it to any benefit. I lost it to Concerta.
2.  I have been married since 1991 (which is just plain weird now days)
3. I was ambivalent about having children until I held my daughter for the first time now I love my children more then life itself.
4. I have been called dork, weird, odd and crazy most of my life (and relish it) but I am NOT a geek. Ok.. I’m a geek as well.
5. I have lost over 65% of my dexterity due to an injury and it kills me.
6. I LOVE smart women! Favorite body part is the mind.
7. I have forgotten more worthless information then I will ever know but cant remember 2 digits or more for more then 15 seconds.
8. I am a Trekkie but not the costume wearing kind, they creep me out.
9. The smart-ass hero is ALWAYS my favorite ( i.e. Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Jack Burton)
10. I used to have long hair and it was pretty mullet but I think a beard is my trademark.
11. I have recently discovered that there are other people who think like me. They are called SCANNERS (and no not the ones that made your brain blow up)
12. In high school I took the ASVAB (armed service vocational aptitude) test on a lark at the last minute to just get out of my first 3 hours. Only 1 person in Kansas scored higher then me on the test and she was a friend of mine.
13. I hate to drive, I hate wearing glasses, I hate my pinched sciatic nerve.
14. I cannot swim at all and also suffer from slight hydrophobia.
15. People who do not take themselves seriously always garner my respect.
16. Anyone who knew me between ages 17 and 25 would not recognize who I am today.(Not physically as I look exactly the same just greyer, but in the way I think.)
17. I am very open about what I think and who I am, I hold very few cards to my vest. I have noticed though that as I age this is becoming less true though.
18. I am an excellent marksman (but rusty), I am a natural mimic (but rusty) and a good poker player (Very rusty)
19. If I did not have children I would be one bad day away from living like a hermit under a bridge.
20. I am a bit OCD as get overly aggressive and angry when I clean. Also I have ADHD which was passed along to my kids.
21. Kids love me because I talk to them like they are adults and I am not afraid to be a fool.
22. When I was in High School I bought a whole buncha steak knives at a garage sale and I kept them in a shoebox under my bed. When I would get bored I would practice throwing them at the posters on my wall. I got pretty good too, at least a 9 out of 10 consistency. When I moved out and the posters came down my dad freaked out at all the little holes covering the walls.
23. I once climbed into the rafters above the auditorium at the High School with a very attractive girl and we spent the class period making out.

lottery

Hey if anyone in Florida happens to know the 84 year old lady that won the Powerball please extend to her my well wishes for her and her family.

I am curious if she has grandchildren and if they are aware of how much they will not have to work now.

Seriously, what does someone do with that amount of money?

Oh I know that most people have grand ideas as to what they would do but I have actually crunched the numbers on this.

For instance:

If she took just 115Million dollars of the 360 million she now has and sticks that in a normal savings account she will be making about 5.5million dollars a year on interest alone.

This means she could have weekly living expenses of $25,000 a week and still never even touch the original amount.

A WEEK!

She could spend more money in 3 weeks then I will even make in a year and it wouldn’t even make a smudge mark in her net worth.

Let me address her for a second here:

Ma’am, if you are out there and you can hear me let me first, just say congratulations.

I have heard that money can be a burden and I know the lack of money can be as well. I do hope you will be wise with your money and invest it well for your descendants. I hope no one takes advantage of you in this.

I hope you make a provision for your descendant’s so they can learn how bad it can be before they enjoy how good it can get.

All I want from this life is to provide for my family. I want to keep my house out of the banks hands, food in my children’s stomachs and clothes on their backs. I would like to be able to send them to college so they can have a life better than mine but I truly don’t see that happening. So to see you have all these woes that burden my life lifted from you in such a spectacular faction…wow!

Just, WoW!

I envy you and I wish you all the best.

PS: if you want to drop a random act of kindness you could always send me oh say $500,000 in a cashiers check and I would be happy to reply with a couple of hand written letters from my kids expressly thanking you for ensuring their futures.