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Thursday

I thought this was amusing so I thought I would share.

So Thursday morning I woke up.

As I often do with it being morning and all

I donned my robe and asked the dog if he had to go out.

Of course he did. He is the size of a well fed rat with the bladder the size of a walnut so he fills up pretty quickly.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the door to the garage ready to take the 2 steps down to the wintery cold garage floor.

Now here is where I pause to explain that my sciatic nerve has been pinched off a bit so I have a numbness going down the right side of my leg and into the left side of my foot. Usually it just causes me just a bit daily discomfort but I do have to watch the ground when I walk because it takes just a very slight unevenness for me to roll my ankle.

Rolling your ankle is a bit beyond discomfort as it usually involves you slamming your ankle into the ground with the entire weight of your person behind it.

This, as you can imagine, is quite painful.

Anyway, so there I stood in the door way and took one step.

Just one.

My ankle rolled.

My momentum proceeded to then launch me, Peter Pan like, out of the house. So out of the house I went and over the two steps I flew.

However I did not have any pixie dust with me at that time and gravity, being the force that it is, decided I needed a big hug.

So down I plummeted.

…….I taste floor.

You would have thought I had been running as my momentum kept me going after hitting the ground and allowed me the privilege of sliding head first into my deep freeze.

And bouncing off of it.

because hey, I have already done this far why not a bit more.

So after having been awake a mere 3 minutes I was now in a crumbled heap on the floor of my garage.

“Good morning to you too Thursday” I moaned.

“Dude can you quit goofing off I still have to pee.” said the dog

Obviously I’m doing fine today.

Middle of my back is a bit raw feeling and I am sore.

I am also looking into investing in a life alert too.

DOIT

These are not mine but they do have resonance.

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to your doctor.
18. All guns are loaded.
19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23. A handshake beats an autograph.
24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.



26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature. 27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It’s never too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose with booze.
35. If you have the right of way, take it.
36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38. Never push someone off a dock.
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
41. Don’t make a scene.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in good luggage.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit. Take blame.
50. Suck it up every now and again.



51. Never be the last one in the pool. 52. Don’t stare.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit it when you’re wrong.
57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus driver.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least one good joke.
63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64. Know how to cook one good meal.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with your mother/father.
69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank the host.
71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
75. Keep your word.



76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. 77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what you do, not what you say.
82. Learn to change a tire.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don’t litter.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the little things count.
91. Always wear a bra at work.
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93. You’re never too old to need your mom.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95. Know the words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at strangers.
98. Make goals.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

SONY

Everyone is saying that Sony goofed up and should have never have bowed to the terrorists.

Well yes and no.

Sure its was blatant terrorism and an affront to one of Americas most deep seated rights, the freedom of speech.

However, Sony had to back out because NO ONE WAS GOING TO SHOW THE MOVIE.

Whats the point of releasing a movie when the only places showing it is Clem’s garage and tire emporium and somewhere is Iowa? Everyone’s lawyers said “you would be liable” so the theaters all backed out.

Secondly I do not want to go to war over James Franco's goofy face. George Clooney sure but never Franco.

Thirdly anything we do now we get a black-eye. If we enforce this insipid movie and said “dammit screw it all we want to see this and no nation will stop us!” well don’t we then look stupid? Like eating a entire cake just because someone told us we couldn’t with our loved ones just throwing their hands up in exasperation going “whatever, you are an idiot”

but if we ignore it then we have a chance of looking weak to the rest of the world opening the floodgates for similar acts.

I don’t know the answer here but some things are obvious North Korea cant take a joke and they are going to be the butt of a lot of them for a long time now and the saga of the Sony movie is not over

The world has permanently changed forever because of it though

ghostly

I was outside at dusk changing a lightbulb in my porch-light. 

I had my cordless drill out to use and was standing on a step-stool. I had just finished screwing in the Phillips screw and was changing bits to switch to standard when I dropped the bit. I felt it hit my foot and then heard it hit some dried leaves on the ground to my right.

 OK. Great. 

Well I've got an idea where it dropped so I finished what I was doing then jumped off the porch and went looking for it.

Nope no luck. I went up the 2 steps back into the house. Got a flashlight and went back down the 2 steps and went looking for it. Still nothing. Which is odd because I heard it hit leaves and these are the only ones near me? Figure fine ill just look tomorrow when there is more light.

Went to go back in the house and 

there on the top step. Right in the middle of the step, where I had just been twice. 

Laying perfectly lateral to the edge, like it had been placed there 

was the bit.

my wife was standing there watching me the whole time and I just stopped dead.

"Did you put that there" I asked her I guess thinking she had some kind of Jedi mind powers and was using it to move this bit around to mess with me. Hey we were newlyweds so we still had skeletons in closets.

"what?"

Yeah there goes the Jedi theory.

 

the world is unfair by default

 

Bullied 12 yr old commits suicide.

This is heart wrenching. It pains me so very deeply to read this. As both a victim and a parent.

Pardon me while I think out-loud:

Your life is a grand and exciting movie and 12 years old is way too soon to leave the show. At 12 the opening credits haven't even stopped rolling.

Every school has bullies in it. Always have and unfortunately always will. Being a kid is damn hard sometimes. Harder then it should be. These are supposed to be your best years. The years you look back at and wax nostalgic about.

I was bullied in school. Its not rare a lot of people were/are.

It is a demeaning and exhausting thing to be relentlessly pounded on.

Verbally and physically.

At least physically you have evidence of the hurt. The continued verbal attacks can be so much worse

a bruise heals but a emotional scar lasts a lifetime.

My children were brought up to be different. To not be a sheeple.

This did open them up to being bullied for being different but they also understand everyone is different and special in their own way.

Being your own person is very important.

Demeaning someone because they dont fit into your mindset is a mark of a very small minded person.

Kids are small minded mainly because they are kids but also because of what they have been taught by their parents.

I cannot fathom the amount of pain this family is feeling.

Losing your child this way must be horrendous. Losing one of my children ....I cant even grasp how a parent is able to take their next breath. My nephew was killed by an inattentive driver about 5 years ago and the strength my sister has had to dig deep for is remarkable.

An accident is one thing 

but this...this is beyond awful.

This was avoidable.

This is someones fault.

what ive lost

I used to be smart. 

Like scary smart.
I could read 4 books at once
Recite Shakespeare
I could run the board while watching jeopardy
When my dad would be watching Wheel of Fortune I would just be passing through the room and yell the solution before I got 3 steps away.
I would latch onto a subject and immerse myself completely in it until I had consumed every scrap of knowledge I could lay my hand on then go onto the next.
In High School I wanted to get out of the first 3 hours of my day so on a whim went and took the ASVAB test (Armed Service Vocational Aptitude Battery of tests)
When the results came back and I can still recall this like it was yesterday, the recruiter sat me down and handed me this really big 3 ring binder and said "Young man, with your test results you qualify for every position in this folder"
Then he handed me another "and this one"
And another "and this one"
And 3 more "and all of these"
"You qualify for every job that we have to offer except Jet Fighter pilot and that is just because you wear glasses. You could go into anything even the CIA if you wanted to. Only 1 person in the state scored higher than you."
Did I take him up on his offer?
No of course not.
Why?
Because at the time I was a rebel with issues with authority
In retrospect it was more along the lines of being lazy and dumb probably scared too.
Yeah didn't you know smart people can be dumb?
I just can't plan for the future. The future me is a whole nother person.
One I really have never cared much about.

Anyway getting back on track here

I was intelligent. I was rockin an IQ of around 145 to 147 points.
I didn't realize that I was THAT smart, I just knew I thought different than everyone else.
Yeah I'm bragging a bit here but I can because that was my thing.
I'm not handsome or outgoing or rich but this.
I had this.
    Had.

Now it's gone.

You see, a couple of years ago I was trying, for lack of a better term, trying to get my shit together.
I had fallen on some hard times.
Well harder times, my whole life hasn't been a bed of roses at a rock concert.
I was on antidepressants and ADHD meds.
 When I was on those I was literally sleeping my life away.
I was sleeping on my lunch at work and then going to bed really early as well as sleeping away at least 1 day of the weekend.
I lost so much of my kids growing up.
Time I can never get back and for that I loathe me,

           but that is a separate story all together.
Anyway I pitched the drugs. 

Figured I would just deal.
Once they were out of my system I realized that time wasn't all I had lost.
I wasn't as smart as I used to be.
My brain doesn't move as quick as it used to.

Sure I'm older too but the connections are not as sharp and I cannot recall as well as I could.
I used to have an eidetic memory. I could recall a memory so concise that I could walk into the memory and look around and see elements I may have missed.
This memory was really awesome
No one could best me at Trivial Pursuit especially the silver screen edition
(If you haven't figured it out yet I have really squandered my talents)
But now its all been dialed back to dull.

I dont think I can get it back.