Eargasms?

My current employment is with tech support so I am on the phone 8+ hours a day.

I get all types of people

The don’t cares

The idiots

The Helpers

The smart asses

The ½ listeners

The panickers

And the all time favorites

The Its your fault not mine.

In my 3+ years in doing this have I NEVER once picked up the phone

and heard what sounds exactly like someone climaxing.

Well at least not without some coaxing and certainly not at work

Today I pickup the phone and give my customery ramble-bamble 

I hear breathing

Once again the same schpell

A long pause

On the 3^rd "um..HELLOMUDDERFOCKERS!!"

OKOK just in my head, out loud it was just an annoyed “Hello?”

Then he starts talking ( had to be a HE didnt it?)

He starts talking and he is short of breath

I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt 

maybe this guy is overweight and he has been rushing about.

buuut

He was breathing through his nose quiet deeply

It was increasing in pace.

And getting shorter

I am now full into a WTF look on my face!

As I continue his breathing continues to escalate!

He was giving me that low gasp/pant sound

I KNOW that sound

Hell, I have MADE that sound.

Finally as my ta l king s l o w s d o w n 

I am looking at my phone in awe and disgust

he gives me one last deep breath and then a shudder-sigh.

 Then the breathing sounds and gaspy breaths are gone and he is talking normal.

OMG. My ears have been violated!

OH! 

DUDE!

Ewwwwwwwwwww

Dude!

NOT COOL!

Dont really care what the issue that was causing his breathing

the image of what it could have been is WAY too stuck in my head.

somedays you just want to reach through the phone and gnaw your way through some asshats jugular.

I need to go funnel some Purell into my head.