Friday, October 30, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Bring back the dead.
Without the dark and scary you children will be abruptly surprised when they learn that the world has fangs. The the ugly and evil really do exist and live in the hearts and minds of all "normal" people.
Its time to take back the holiday people! Bring out the dead! Make the bump in the night bleed. Scare the civilians and bleed on the carpets. Only by embracing the dark side can you truly be free from it.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
selection
And I got to wondering...
| Midway Message from the Gyre These photographs of albatross chicks were made just a few weeks ago on Midway Atoll, a tiny stretch of sand and coral near the middle of the North Pacific. The nesting babies are fed bellies-full of plastic by their parents, who soar out over the vast polluted ocean collecting what looks to them like food to bring back to their young. On this diet of human trash, every year tens of thousands of albatross chicks die on Midway from starvation, toxicity, and choking. To document this phenomenon as faithfully as possible, not a single piece of plastic in any of these photographs was moved, placed, manipulated, arranged, or altered in any way. These images depict the actual stomach contents of baby birds in one of the world's most remote marine sanctuaries, more than 2000 miles from the nearest continent. ~cj, October 2009 |
                               |
Most animals know what is food and what is not. Sure they will eat one maybe two pop bottle lids but by the third they got to be talking to each other
" Oy there govenr. You know. 'ese lil round fish are rather easy to catch and they sure fill a chap up but they really taste like crap, dont they?"
"Aye Nigel and by the sweet lord 'ave to tried crapping one out yet? I thought I was giving birth to me own self, I did"
(I am not sure why the birds talk with bad British accents though? odd birds.)
Maybe one day science will discover that these birds were actually part of some odd cultist religion (*cough-Scientology-cough*) and they had to consume massive amounts of disposable lighters, plastic bottle tops and other bits for their great ride to heaven behind the great silver bird that passed over every 78 days.
They just happened to croak it before their order from Nike online had shown up yet. (damn you FEDEX! Damn you all to hell-ish)
Then again. I could be wrong.
been known to happen.
PS: OK yeah. I agree. Horrible thing that our consuming is killing innocent animals. but if you cant make light of it then that just leaves screaming and running mad in the streets and well, I have reached my quota for this week already.
I will bet you that in the next 50 years the moon will be our next dumping site or we will find a way to shoot huge barge loads of junk into the sun for a economical price.
Either that or move everyone in Australia on to a moon colony and use the remaining island a dumpsville. We could already actually, they only REALLY use the coast lines.
Monday, October 19, 2009
aaaannnnddd ... we are off.
At my work, they are in need of a Director over the Distribution Center.
I have around 16 years working in all aspects of a warehouse.
I promised myself I would never ever go back into a management position after my bad experiences in retail.
I used to work for a retail store and as the manager; I had to cut everyone’s hours as the store steadily declined.
That means I was giving people 4 hours a week.
4 hours a week for a person trying to feed their family.
4 hours a week for a person trying to pay bills.
My guys new it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t begrudge them as my quality talent walked out the door. Nevertheless, it bothered me.
I even got into a yelling match with the store manager and I straight up informed him that I would do it because it was my job but I could not and would not support him in it.
So here, I am again looking to get back into a management position.
Do I think I will get this position? Nope?
Why? I am too rough around the edges.
I am smart, creative and a hell of a good manager but I don’t think I am Director material.
Then why apply? Be because it is a unique position. I have all the qualifications they are looking for and it is a company I enjoy working for. I mulled it over in my head for most of last week before I decided to throw my hat into the ring.
So today, I had my first interview for this Director position.
I think it actually went rather well.
We will see where this goes.
Doesn’t hurt anything to try.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
MonsterMash
It shouldnt be though.
Corporate bullys are getting worse and what pisses me off more is that they are tying up our court system over nonsense like this.
They will shell out dollar after dollar taking up hours and days of valuable court time, THAT I AM PAYING FOR BY THE WAY, just to make one guy in Vermont change a name of a beer.
Well I got news for you.
I am 40 years old and over 20 years ago I was called Monster as a nickname ( in a loving way, of course).
So I am the one with first dibs.
Its all pretty damn silly.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Just thinking
You know the husband of Samantha on Bewitched.
Here was this hot witch who, with but a wiggle of her nose, could do anything.
What does he do?
Yells at her to not do it?
“Oh please mighty wife please do not gift me with my every desire out of love and concern for my well-being.”
Dude had issues!
Maybe he was a cousin of Major Nelson?
Here you have a gorgeous genie who will bend the very fabric of reality to your every whim.
The one and only true goal in her life is to please her master.
Poor basterd.
Hell, just try and get a chick to call you master now days.
Me?
I would never have to put on the monkey suit again.
Whether it be genie or witch I would exploit that to it’s highest ability.
Days of adventure, nights of debauchery.
Oh the joy.
“ Yeah Genie, tonight make a duplicate of yourself and lets grab Carmen Electra and Angie Jolie as well for the hot tub jello shot party. Oh and this time lets try it in the year 3050, the Jurassic period was ok but just too many bugs.”
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Bide your time
When you speak to your children today, you are also speaking to every day of their future selves. Parenting is outside of time. Take care and take heart in that.
When you speak to your child, and you feel that they are not listening, maybe they arent. When you speak to them and you suspect they are silently ridiculing you, maybe they are. When the gift of your advice or sympathy fails in every way to touch them, and you believe yourself a failure, maybe you are. For now.
Bide your time.
Just imagine the person they will be, someday. Their now subtle and caring mind clambering back through their life, looking for support in the events that shaped them– just imagine how they will come upon your words. The gift you tried to give. Faded on the outside, yet vital still inside, it will open like a blossom. Even thirty years later.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
SeeYa dont wanna BeYa
I used to worry about my inability to relax.
I just do not know how to!
Lay me out on a deck chair on a warm sandy beach with a gentle breeze blowing the cool scents of a green rain forest delicately across my senses…. I would still be rolling around in mindcrap.
You know mindcrap.
The stuff your brain latches onto like a dog with a squeaky toy.
The junk that bounces around your skull like a superball.
Never getting anywhere and never going away.
Sure, your mind tries to distract you by tossing in a song or two but they just are swallowed up in the tumbling.
I certainly wouldn’t mind returning to a time when life was simple.
When all I knew about were colors, multiplication tables, nursery rhymes and the Muppet show.
When I didn't know what I know now.
When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.
Therefore I have decided to resign.
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I wasn’t doing much with it anyway
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again.
* I want to go to McDonald's and think that it is a four star restaurant.
* I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.
* I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them.
* I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.
* I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
* I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.
* I want to think the world is fair.
* I want to think that a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill because it is prettier and weighs more.
* I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.
* I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things in life again.
* I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad is the strongest person in the world.
So ... here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and the bills, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments, my e-mail address, pager, cell phone, computer, and watch.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Never saw Benji do this
MIRACLE PUPPY
This one year-old puppy was hit by Marco Menozzi on a side road in Cozze, southern Italy but instead of getting pulled under the car and killed by the wheels, the dog was hit so hard that it embedded into the grill of the car where it rode safely for 15 miles.
The puppy survived with a broken leg and bruising made even more amazing by the fact that this car was going 70 mph.
Cheers
I ran across this list today and a couple made me guffaw. Most of them I have thought or done but a couple made me guffaw. and I rarely guffaw while surfing
Random thoughts from 25-35 year olds
- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
i nstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
you know who you are.
Artist Amy Rawson (previously at Neatorama) has created a cute-as-can-be needle felted zombie bunny for Halloween. Or at least, it’s cute on the side its eyeball isn’t falling out of! See more pictures at eBay. Link