Dreamstate

Well by now you all know that I have the ability to goof up even the most basic of hu8man functions.

Sleep.

Seems like it should not be this hard to go to sleep, stay asleep and wake up feeling refreshed.

I, however, just completely jack it up on a regular basis.

I have a tendency to have, what I call, waking dreams.

Basically it is a matter where I am not asleep and not awake but in-between and my dreamworld bleeds into the “real” world.

Not really that rare and from what I have been told a real entertainment treat for those around me.

I have seen golden tentacles issuing from the bathroom door

I have sat up and stared with intent at the mysterious object hanging from the ceiling and gone back to sleep when told it was “just the ceiling fan”

I have screamed for help to assist the tiny lizard-tigers that are dangling from the power cords in the whole in the wall. They were so cute too but one was in danger of falling.

I have been frozen in fear at the dark shadow standing at the foot of the bed

I have even marveled at the intricacy of the baseball player snow globe on my end table. ( Obviously nothing was really there and I really don’t like baseball anyway.)

The other night I know I was asleep. My normal sleep state is real light. Even using sleeping pills I never seem to make it too deep.

I distinctly heard a woman’s voice speak directly into my ear. Not a whisper just a normal speaking voice.

It said

“I find you very attractive. Would you like to make out with me?”

So naturally I sat bolt upright in bed and vigorously shook my head back and forth to clear the sleep.

I looked around but the room was dark and quiet.

I glanced at my wife as she lay there sleeping the sleep that she sleeps so well.

I looked at the clock and it was 2:46AM

I was completely at a loss.

I wanted to make out!

I am 99% sure I was in my dreamstate and my mind was just fucking with me.

It does that.

It can be quite a dick most times.

Besides, who speaks that way? Stating all matter of factly in the middle of the night.

I have not heard any reports of some crazed sexual ring of woman androids breaking into houses to proposition the men folk for some vigorous tonsil hockey.

However, I am also quite convinced that there is some other presence in this house as well.

Maybe “IT” was using that to try and communicate?

Nah. Pretty sure my mind was just playing with itself.

God's Job

I have seen just a fraction of God’s job and I don’t want it.

OK so you are God and this is what’s going to happen.

You will be given power over all things and you will create beings in your image with the singular hope for them that the very best will be in their life.

However as they grow, these creatures are going to hate you. They will ridicule you, blame all things upon you, even when your direct influence is apparent they will claim all the credit for themselves.

It doesn’t matter what you do for them it will never be enough.

If you let them make their own choices you will be regarded as cold and uncaring

Yet, if you pick them up and carry them they will be resentful of that as well.

They will beg for your intervention and help. They will come crying to you wailing and moaning about the unfair world they have created for themselves.

In this aspect I have touched and know the mind of God.

I have teenagers.

TradeOff

As I have stated before, I have little to no faith in your common practice doctor.

Every single time I have gone to the doctor they have failed to come up with anything I have not already figured out myself.

So, with that in mind, I have a theory and solution on depression that helped me. Oh and by no means am I a physician or anything so if you heed my advice do come trying to litigate on me. I have nothing so you'd get a big heaping helping of that.  

Now as I was saying,

With depression your mind wanders and dwells upon the worst of the worst.

In my case my mind was like an enclosed room with all the walls covered in 5x7 TV screens and each screen was tuned to a different channel

No matter which way you turned there was always something blaring out at you that just kicked you in the gut. You can set your mind to just spin and spin, never focusing on any one thing for long but that takes a lot of effort and self discipline. It is also quite tiring and actually being able to focus is a joke.

The depression medicine is fair.

I found that it basically turns you into a Vulcan (which would be cool if your ears got pointy)

It is just a leg up on the emotions that are rocking your foundations.

It is like climbing a mountain under a waterfall and the medication diverts the flood waters a bit.

All the medication does is give you that chance to get a firm handhold on the slippery wall.

I’m not knocking it as when the pit of despair has a hold of you anything is better then nothing.

You still have to make the climb back up out of the pit.

The one thing I found was that I was spending 1 day of the weekend asleep.

One whole day just shot to hell.

One whole day that I should have spent with my kids and family spent just wiped out.

Then one day something happened that changed everything.

You see, My son has ADHD. We were still playing with his medication levels trying to find the right dosage.

I wanted to see what his medication was doing to him so I tried one.

(Not the best thing to do I know but I figured our genetic makeup was close enough I could get an idea on what the medicine was doing to my son.)

OMG!

I felt a huge weight just melt away. I had “a good day”.

Not to be one who jumps to too many conclusions I anayalized everything that happened that day and repeated everything exactly over the next week or so. Nothing happened. Bleak, dull, depression still loomed above my head like the proverbial rain cloud.

I analyzed his behavior and compared it to mine.

I tried his medication again and achieved once again “a good day”. I did some research into the ADHD behaviors and knew that the condition was genetic and so forth.

I looked deep into my past and talked about my actions as a kid with my mother.

I ended up coming to only 1 conclusion.

I have ADD.

Of course while I was younger this term did not exist.

It was always just “control yourself” and “pay attention” etc.

(I think when I was younger it would have been classified at ADHD but smoking curbed the Hyper part.)

So armed with this knowledge I went to my doctor.

He concurred with my analysis and prescribed for me an ADD medication.

I have been on the road to recovery ever since!

The best way to describe it is the medication shuts down the wall of video.

I have gone from thousands and thousands of high definition LCD monitors screaming at me all at once to just 1 small 19” TV.

I have more energy and I am able to function again in the real world.

I am happier.

I am back to being a daddy again and I am trying ever so hard to make up for the time I lost.

Now, The downside.

I had to sacrifice a large portion of my intelligence.

You see I had gone so long with my ADD mind that I had adapted my thinking patterns around it and had trained it to serve me. I could easily have 6 to 10 widely different trains of thought going at once. I could read 4 different books at one time. I could carry on multiple conversations on varied topics at one time. My imagination was a wild untamed beast that would give me no end of entertainment. Bathed in the knowledge that I was a bright guy I was always interested in taking IQ tests and Mensa tests, blah, blah, blah

I was always running at an easy 145 IQ points.

Now it’s basically 1 thing at a time. I have to mull things over more carefully. I lose my train of thought rather easily. I bemoaned it at first as I was quite proud (arrogant even) of being smart and creative. It came so easily to me to be both.

Then I figured I would rather be here, in the now. Maybe not euphorically happy but happier.

I laugh more.

I love more.

I live more.

It was indeed a good trade.

frozen in Time

This is just cool Warning : here there be clowns

Abandon all Hope....

Well I have found my least favorite website of all.
http://notalwaysright.com
Oh please dont get me wrong the site itself is really nice.
It is well HTML'd and always seems SFW.
I have nothing against THAT.
It's just when I read through it I can hear the people I have to deal with on a daily basis.
The pure stupidity the just radiates out of the phone line can be heard on this site.
If you have to deal with a customer on any level, dont go here and read this. It'll make your butt pucker, muscle's tighten and blood pressure rise.
Or do go there....maybe you like that feeling
I dont know..
WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME!!!

ScoobyDoo Where are you

I think there is a spirit in my house.
I have mentioned before about the scratches and odd music I have heard in the past but now I know more.
I have been sleeping in my daughters room for the past few months (she is having some minor health issues that she feels better sleeping with mom, so why not).
I can honestly say I have never had so many nightmares, voices and other random occurrences then I have sleeping in that room. I can't even count the number of times I have woken up and "hallucinated" where I have seen something menacing.
If I had a heart problem I would be dead now as I have felt my chest pounding and my heart thumping like I just ran a mile. I guess that this is good exercise for me as I lead a very sedentary life.
The issues don't scare me but intrigue me.
I have a kit so I can smudge the premises but I am holding off because I am quite interested in what this could be.
Maybe it's nothing.
Maybe not.

Be strong