Who says nothing good ever cums from Kansas

Former Miss USA Kelli McCarty Does Hardcore


Miss USA 1991, Kelli McCarty, also known for her seven year run as Beth Wallace on the NBC soap opera Passions, has debuted in her first adult film, Vivid's Faithless. This is the first time a Miss USA winner has performed in porn.

In this Paul Thomas feature, McCarty plays a superhot stepmom who sleeps with her stepdaughter's (Daisy Marie) boyfriend (Voodoo), but the deceit doesn't stop there. It turns out her husband, Danny (Steven St Croix), has also been unfaithful. Given Kelli's 12 year mainstream acting career, I expect nothing less than a superb performance from her in Faithless.

Below is a video clip of Kelli McCarty winning the 1991 Miss USA Pageant, as a blonde. Donald Trump, eat your heart out!

(There was a video here but YouTube took it back. Not a "by your leave" not a "I'm sorry" cupcake.

Let them eat cake

5-minute Chocolate Cake - More DIY How To Projects

Everyone needs more cake in their life.

“I said BOAT plug you dipshit”

When I was but a lad in High School my friend (Mr. Smith) and I decided to head to nearby El Dorado Lake and do some camping and fishing with his parents and little brother. We were taking their Bass Boat too. Now I have been in many boats but at this time, I had no idea of the ins and outs of the whole boat vehicle.
Well as was the norm with Mr. Smith and his kin, we had all day to go and didn’t get moving until late. This gets us to the late at dusk.
Dusk.
What a wonderful time to be setting up camp and putting a boat into the lake.
OK so we back the truck and trailer down to the lake using a combination of flashlights, lanterns, fireflies and good ol’ fashioned luck.
His dad backs the trailer TOO far and sinks the trailer into the lake. Oh well.
We just use that as an opportunity to unfasten the boat and let it float free.
Luckily, the truck and trailer are able to pull free from the lakes pull and off his dad and brother go to the campsite.
Mr. Smith and I hop in this bass boat and head off into the dark murky depths of El Dorado Lake.
We are tooling down the lake with Mr. Smith piloting our excursion when I realize...
“Hmm my foot is sloshy?”
I look down with my flashlight and see that my foot is resting in a couple of inches of water.
“There’s some water here.” I yell over the motor to my bud.
“That’s normal.” he yells back and grins a big toothy grin.
I let my flashlight follow this trail of water back to the back of the boat and there I see about 2 feet of water. Moreover, it’s growing!
I tap him on the arm and gesture to the back with the flashlight.
“Is that normal too?” I asked, genuinely interested in the answer.
“FUCK” was his retort.
Then the rational thinking kicks him.
“OK if I go really fast to the campsite that should drag the water out of the boat and get us there quicker.”
“Quicker?” I ask
“Yeah before we sink!”
“FUCK” was my retort (I am quick like that.)
So, off down the lake we go but this scientific principal is just not working as I watch the back of the boats rail and the lake getting closer and closer together.
SIDENOTE: Stuff like this would happen to us on a regular basis so neither of us was panicking. We were both acting rather nonchalant, like sinking in a boat in the middle of a lake was an everyday occurrence for both of us.

Pretty soon, it is rather apparent that this is not working at all. It was at that time I noticed (my shins now under water) a small black doo-hickey floating past me.
“What’s this thingy?” I asked Mr. Smith as I hold it up to the light to see it better.
“That would be the boat plug” He yells back over the straining motor.
“EW.” I yell and drop it back into the water “What the hell is it doing in the boat?”
“I said BOAT plug you dipshit” He laughs back at me. “We forgot to put it in!”
Therefore, while Captain Smith pilots our soon to be submarine it is now my job to try to reinsert the BOAT plug into the hole.
It’s dark, I am drenched, and standing in 3 feet of rising water, trying to insert this little plug into a hole, I do not or have never seen before in my life.
“IT WONT GO IN!” I scream to him.
“Don’t Panic!” He yells back “just keep trying!”
“I’m not panicking! I am in the process of drowning in a boating accident!” I yell back but diligently go back to trying to find this hidden hole.
With resignation, I give up on trying to stay remotely dry and really get down there with both hands and finally find this mysterious hole and insert the plug. Quite pleased with myself I drop back into my seat and give Mr. Smith th3e thumbs up. Mission accomplished.
“Go take it back out now!” He yells to me.
“WHAT?!”
“Go take it out and I will go really fast to drain the water out”
“That doesn’t work!”
“This time it will. Just do it”
So back to the water-laden stern I go mumbling to myself about magical plugs who defy physics and morons driving boats fast, etc, etc.
We then spent the next 15 minutes with me inserting and removing this boat plug as “speed racer” tries all kinds of speeds and figure eights and loop-de-loops, trying to draw this lake back out of the boat. We give up our shenanigans and I reinsert the plug one final time. As I plop down back into my seat wet and tired and cold and wet some more. My bud, Mr. Smith then reaches over and flips a switch on the dashboard and a loud humming noise starts up from the back of the boat.
“What the hells that noise?” I ask swiping my head back and forth trying to find the source.
“That’s just the pump.” He replies.
“The pump?” I ask back turning slowly to face him, my eyes becoming slits and my lips tightening into a straight line.
“Yeah! It’s a bilge pump to remove water from the boat.”



We drove in silence the rest of the way to the campsite.

I would buy this

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, internal intestines and glowing lightsaber zipper pull. Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is “Attack of the Clones” you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of “Empire Strikes Back”.

Use the glowing lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass. If your kids don’t change their tune on which Star Wars film is the greatest ever, you can do your best Jar Jar impression until they repent.

Link -via Unique Daily

Ok so this is not a REAL item you can purchase. It is a joke offer set up by the ThinkGeek site. Dammit!! I would so totally* buy this. maybe even 2.
and yes I truly am that big of a DORK.




* There's that damn word again. dammittttttt.

No soup for you.

If I were King

I know I have mentioned this before, I just wwanted to add some detail to the idea.

I would totally* change the prison system.
First off, every sentence just became harsher. What was 1 year is now 3 year, 3 years is now 5 years, etc. The local prison would hold all the little prisoners. The “I cheated on my taxes” type of criminal. No luxuries at all, though. No heat, no air, no cable, cheap food. You want better accommodations then you have to work your way up to them by helping the community while serving your term. Basically it would be like the prisoner would have 2 jobs. Serving the community and taking care of the prison (laundry, cooking, etc.). The way I see it is if a working mother of 3 can hold down 2 jobs while taking care of her kids, then a prisoner should be expected to do no less. They could put their current skills to work (accounting, lawyers, doctors, all doing pro bono work) or they can put their backs into it to build homeless shelters and feeding the homeless, repairing roads and stuff like that.

For the worse criminals it would be an offer of serve your term in the military (especially at war time.) or I would have one HUGE ASS prison built in the middle of the desert. This way the prisoner can either actually make something of himself or suffer in one of the worst crap holes in existence. It would be a bare bones prison but worse and nothing around for miles and miles. This would be to encourage the prisoner to sign up for the military where they can be put to good use. If they die in combat, then their sentence is over. If they servive combat maybe they can actually become a worthwhile member of society.

Now for the “big bads”. The serial killers, pedophiles, murderers and such they get to play “The Game”. The Game would be on a remote island somewhere with cameras everywhere. It would be just like the movie “The Running Man”. You survive X amount of days without dying of heat, lack of food, being hunted or the island killing you and you have get “The Ticket”. Winners of the ticket get paroled (or the choice of becoming Hunters on the Island).

However, you can only play the game once. If you end up in a position where you are eligible for the game again, then they just push you out of a plane into the middle of the ocean. That will save money from housing inmates for ungodly amounts of years and also serve to help the ecosystem as they feed the sharks and stuff with their nutrient filled bodies.

Too Harsh? Maybe but if you don’t like then DON’T GET SENT TO PRISON.




*I Freakin, Frakin HATE that this word has entered my vocabulary.

Freetime, freetime

Tolkien's City of Kings made from matchsticks

Marvelous matchstick artist Patrick Acton - maker of the matchstick Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, matchstick battleship, matchstick Notre Dame, and dozens of other sculptures - is currently building a model of JRR Tolkien's City of Kings from the Lord of the Rings. He expects the model to be completed next year. Acton is proprietor of the Matchstick Marvels Tourist Center in Gladbrook, Iowa and you can also see many of his models online. Matchstick Marvels

Household Hints

Blood Pillow

Try this one on the weak hearted! This is a pillow design that in some images looks too damn real. It simply presents the person sleeping as if they have been shot in the head and are having major blood loss.

As funny as this could be, it could also bring someone quite a shock…especially a loving mother, so please use as much as possible.