Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I would buy this

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, internal intestines and glowing lightsaber zipper pull. Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is “Attack of the Clones” you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of “Empire Strikes Back”.

Use the glowing lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass. If your kids don’t change their tune on which Star Wars film is the greatest ever, you can do your best Jar Jar impression until they repent.

Link -via Unique Daily


Ok so this is not a REAL item you can purchase. It is a joke offer set up by the ThinkGeek site. Dammit!! I would so totally* buy this. maybe even 2.
and yes I truly am that big of a DORK.




* There's that damn word again. dammittttttt.

No soup for you.


If I were King


I know I have mentioned this before, I just wwanted to add some detail to the idea.

I would totally* change the prison system.
First off, every sentence just became harsher. What was 1 year is now 3 year, 3 years is now 5 years, etc. The local prison would hold all the little prisoners. The “I cheated on my taxes” type of criminal. No luxuries at all, though. No heat, no air, no cable, cheap food. You want better accommodations then you have to work your way up to them by helping the community while serving your term. Basically it would be like the prisoner would have 2 jobs. Serving the community and taking care of the prison (laundry, cooking, etc.). The way I see it is if a working mother of 3 can hold down 2 jobs while taking care of her kids, then a prisoner should be expected to do no less. They could put their current skills to work (accounting, lawyers, doctors, all doing pro bono work) or they can put their backs into it to build homeless shelters and feeding the homeless, repairing roads and stuff like that.

For the worse criminals it would be an offer of serve your term in the military (especially at war time.) or I would have one HUGE ASS prison built in the middle of the desert. This way the prisoner can either actually make something of himself or suffer in one of the worst crap holes in existence. It would be a bare bones prison but worse and nothing around for miles and miles. This would be to encourage the prisoner to sign up for the military where they can be put to good use. If they die in combat, then their sentence is over. If they servive combat maybe they can actually become a worthwhile member of society.

Now for the “big bads”. The serial killers, pedophiles, murderers and such they get to play “The Game”. The Game would be on a remote island somewhere with cameras everywhere. It would be just like the movie “The Running Man”. You survive X amount of days without dying of heat, lack of food, being hunted or the island killing you and you have get “The Ticket”. Winners of the ticket get paroled (or the choice of becoming Hunters on the Island).

However, you can only play the game once. If you end up in a position where you are eligible for the game again, then they just push you out of a plane into the middle of the ocean. That will save money from housing inmates for ungodly amounts of years and also serve to help the ecosystem as they feed the sharks and stuff with their nutrient filled bodies.

Too Harsh? Maybe but if you don’t like then DON’T GET SENT TO PRISON.




*I Freakin, Frakin HATE that this word has entered my vocabulary.

Freetime, freetime

Tolkien's City of Kings made from matchsticks


 Images Mt1815Web
Marvelous matchstick artist Patrick Acton - maker of the matchstick Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, matchstick battleship, matchstick Notre Dame, and dozens of other sculptures - is currently building a model of JRR Tolkien's City of Kings from the Lord of the Rings. He expects the model to be completed next year. Acton is proprietor of the Matchstick Marvels Tourist Center in Gladbrook, Iowa and you can also see many of his models online. Matchstick Marvels

Monday, April 6, 2009

Household Hints

Blood Pillow

april fools day pranks 6 12 April Fools Day Pranks and Gadgets

Try this one on the weak hearted! This is a pillow design that in some images looks too damn real. It simply presents the person sleeping as if they have been shot in the head and are having major blood loss.

april fools day pranks 7 12 April Fools Day Pranks and Gadgets

As funny as this could be, it could also bring someone quite a shock…especially a loving mother, so please use as much as possible.



Saturday, April 4, 2009

How Sweet. Fresh Meat


So what your saying is that the tough kid that gave Walter Matthau crap and hit on Tatum O' Neal in the 70's grew up to be a Superhero P.I. and then a deformed serial killer who haunts your dreams?



Jackie Earle Haley Is Freddy Krueger In ‘Nightmare’ Reboot; More Castings

There's only one name that was ever legitimately rumored to be up for the role of Freddy Krueger in the new Platinum Dunes reboot of A Nightmare on Elm Street, and that name is Jackie Earle Haley. Haley was first rumored to be up for the part by Latino Review back in February, and now, after Bloody-Disgusting received the exclusive that he was officially in-talks for the role, it's been confirmed that Haley will indeed play Freddy Krueger.

Jackie Earle Haley has been around since the '70s where he appeared in The Bad News Bears, but after that he disappeared for a long, long time. He stormed back into sight with his Academy Award nominated performance as a pedophile (practicing for Freddy?) in Little Children. Most recently he was the man that brought the iconic Rorschach to life in Zack Snyder's Watchmen.

With filming for the Wesley Strick scripted A Nightmare on Elm Street set to start filming next month in Chicago, the deal almost didn't get done as Haley is currently working on the TV show Human Target. Thankfully, schedules were looked at and adjusted to make it all work out. [...]

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Eat Me

10 Craziest Diets in History

Dieting. Personally, I suck at it, as do many people throughout the world. But it doesn’t mean we don’t try. Of course, some of us try to eat less and exercise more and some people jump on the bandwagon of any fad diets, always hoping to find a miracle that leads to quick weight loss with little effort. As a result, there’s been quite a few crazy diet ideas in the last few centuries, here are the top ten weirdest diet methods we’ve ever heard of.

Photo Via Angelsk [Flickr]

The Chewing Diet

The chewing diet was popularized in the Edwardian Era by Horace Fletcher. He believed that chewing allowed food to be properly absorbed into the body. Insufficient chewing would lead to constipation and clog up the digestive tract, said Fletcher. He lost 40 pounds in just four months using the diet he created. Dr. Kellogg was a friend and fan of Fletcher and he required patients at his sanatorium to participate in the chewing diet as well as a variety of other weight loss methods.

To properly implement the chewing diet, a person must chew each bite over 32 times, which takes approximately 30 seconds. After chewing is done, the person then tilts his or her head back and allows the food to trickle down their throat. Anything that is still too big to swallow must be spit out. The desire to eat things likely diminishes after a period on this diet, so it does work as you begin to eat less food.

Possible Side Effects May Include: A sore jaw. Much longer meal times. Annoyed and disgusted friends.

Source

The Tapeworm Diet

If you eat for two and aren’t pregnant, maybe it’s time to get a second mouth in your belly. A tapeworm can sure help eat all of that excess food. Around the turn of the century, these little parasites were sold in a simple pill form claiming to help you shed inches from your waist. It’s uncertain whether these pills actually had live tapeworms or if they were just another “snake oil” product, but what is certain is that people have intentionally used tapeworms as a weight loss method. Jockeys are amongst the many people purported to have used tapeworms as a diet.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Well for one, having a worm inside your stomach, which might cause nausea, headaches, infections and diarrhea. Some people’s organs are blocked by the eggs and this can result in death. There is no evidence that tapeworms actually help people lose much of weight, so the whole experience may be for nothing.

Source

The Sleeping Beauty Diet

You can’t eat while you sleep. So naturally, if you sedate yourself for days and neglect to eat as a result, this starvation diet may actually work for you. Elvis was a proponent of this weight loss method around the end of his life and the dieting method was also made popular in Valley of the Dolls.

Possible Side Effects May Include: A severe pill hangover can leave you with a headache, nausea and fatigue. Additionally, improper sedation might actually kill you and so might starvation.

Source

The Vision Diet

If your food looks disgusting, you’re less likely to eat it. While this is certainly true, it’s not enough to make the vision-dieter glasses any less silly. From the testimonials I’ve read, the glasses make you feel relaxed while going on your day to day routine, but they don’t help you lose much weight. Johnny Depp is a big fan of blue glasses, although it’s hard to say if he just likes their look or if he actually feels the effects from the lens color.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Looking like a geek in big blue glasses. Possible vision problems after prolonged exposure to the glasses.

Source

Washing Away The Pounds

If you’re showering everyday, you might as well lose weight while doing it, right? That’s the theory behind Aoqili diet soaps. These soaps contain seaweed that will penetrate skin and breakdown fat. There seems to be no evidence that this product works though, not even faked testimonials.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Some people have had allergic reactions to the soap’s ingredients.

Source

Ear Stapling

Ear stapling is exactly what its name implies, you pierce the cartilage of your inner ear and it supposedly suppresses your appetite. You can only leave it in for six weeks to three months because once your body gets used to the staple it will lose its effectiveness. While many people claim this weight loss method is highly effective, even its proponents can’t agree why. The most common explanation involves the piercing’s similarity to acupuncture.

Ear stapling is illegal in Florida and other states have regulated the practice to help decrease the number of infections it has caused.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Well, for one, you will have a staple in your ear, which may be a little painful. Secondly, you could get an infection, which could make you severely sick. Also, it is possible to receive nerve damage when the procedure is preformed improperly.

Source

The Cotton Ball Diet

The cotton ball diet is exactly what it sounds like, you eat cotton balls. Some people eat them dry and others soak them in gelatin first. Obviously the idea is that cotton balls are low in calories but very filling, so you won’t want to eat anything that is fattening. The cotton balls are also high in fiber, which is thought to be good for you –until you realize it’s not the kind of fiber you need in your diet.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Exceptionally boring, dry and disgusting meals. A lack of needed vitamins and other nutrients. Major digestive problems.

Source

The Blood Type Diet

The theory of the blood type diet is that every blood type has a set of foods best suited to it and if you eat according to your blood type, you will lose weight. Supposedly, a person with type A blood should be vegetarian and meditate, while those with type O blood should eliminate grains from their diet and do aerobics.

Possible Side Effects May Include: This diet may seem harmless, but depending on which blood type you have, your recommended diet may center around food that is bad for you. For example, many people are lactose intolerant, but anyone with type B blood is recommended to intake a lot of dairy –this could cause a lot of problems. Additionally, people with type A blood are told to eat a lot of wheat, but if someone has gluten intolerance, this could be dangerous.

Source

The Hallelujah Diet

Photo Via Wonderlane [Flickr]

The Hallelujah diet requires eating foods specifically mentioned in Genesis Chapter 1, Verse 29. These foods are all-natural, vegan, raw foods. Of course, in Genesis Chapter 9, Verse 3, God lifts these restrictions, but the hallelujah diet overlooks this.

In the diet, only 15% of a person’s daily intake of food is allowed to be cooked. Aside from the basic diet, the plan recommends exercise, rest, sunshine and elimination of stress. It seems pretty natural that anyone exercising, relaxing and eating vegan will be losing weight, regardless of whether God dictated it or not.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Like all vegan diets, a person must be very careful to get their daily intake of protein, vitamins and minerals. Other than that, this diet is mostly healthy, although it may annoy your friends.

Source

The Caveman Diet

This diet is also called the Paleolithic diet because the focus is based on food available to cavemen during the Paleolithic Era, around 10,000 years ago. This time period was prior to the development of agriculture, so the plants available to these dieters are mostly ones available to gatherers and hunters. Food can be cooked though because it was common practice in that era. Most participants will be limited to lean meat, fish, veggies, fruit, roots and nuts. Grains, dairy, salt, refined sugar, oils and legumes are all strictly prohibited.

Possible Side Effects May Include: Dieters may have a hard time getting their daily calcium intake, but other than that, it is not dangerous. Most restaurants do offer food that would fit into this dietary plan –steaks, salads, etc.



Riddle me this, Riddle me that.


'Batman Will Battle The Riddler'.

Batman will take on villain The Riddler in the next installment of the superhero franchise, according to the Caped Crusader's butler Sir Michael Caine. The British star of both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight has let it slip that his movie boss' next foe will "probably be The Riddler" - a role made famous on screen by Jim Carrey in 1995's Batman Forever and on TV by Frank Gorshin, who died in 2005. Johnny Depp and Eddie Murphy are both in the frame for the role, according to Hollywood gossips. Caine has no idea who will be cast, but is hoping for a performance to rival Heath Ledger's Oscar-winning portrayal of The Joker in The Dark Knight. Caine tells People.com, "I thought it (The Joker character) was going to be a tough job for anyone who played the role after Jack Nicholson (in 1989's Batman). Now Heath is the Joker."

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Now I don't really like Jim Carrey but, as I have said before, I gotta give him his props. He did a great Riddler. Stellar! Top-Notch. He carried the movie totally, they didn't even need 2-face there (and really shouldn't have either, even Tommy lee Jones was over-shadowed and I LIKE him).
Eddie Murphy as the Riddler? No. Not even. He is too old and "over" and I dont think he could be maniacal enough.
Johnny Depp? Yeah I could see that. He could take the character into another quirky direction/dimension. It would be different but good.

Who would I choose? Glad you asked. I think I would cast an unknown actor. Give someone their big shot because they would give you everything they had for the role. Even Ledger, while good as the Joker, still didn't give 100% of himself for the role because he had already tasted stardom.
Put someone in who this is their big one-time make it or break it shot. They will shit roses for you.