Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Sword of Damocles
So much so that I was able to take my family to the Mecca of all things glorified “DISNEYWORLD”. Just so happens that also at the very time we left I was expecting my settlement money from Boeing for my back injury so money was not an option for us.
I love Disneyworld.
I love the atmosphere.
I love how it might be late in the day and you might be the 153rd person to ask someone where the bathroom is and they treat you as if you are the very first person to ask that question all week.
I am a fan.
My parents took me twice to Disneyland and once to Disney world (and to Knotts Berry Farm, Universal studios, Silver Dollar City, Canada, Mount Rushmore, Grand Canyon, etc.) I was truly privileged as a kid to be able to do all that. I knew that then and I know that now. So much so, that I envy me at that age getting to do all those things and doing them together as a family.
But there is a downside.
Now I have that hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles.
My parents were able to take me to all these wonderful places and once long ago I was able to take my little girl to Disneyworld.
Now they are aging at the speed of light and I am running out of time and I feel like such a failure for not getting my son to Disneyworld.
The money just has not been there. I really don’t want to get a second job again either. I have done that before and it is draining on every resource available. I lose the time with the family that I hold most precious and I physically end each week just wiped out already, how could I do that with 2 jobs. I have even gone so far as to consider chemical enhancements of the illegal variety to keep me up and running but I have an addictive personality (if it feels good do it) and a genetic flaw toward addiction as well (my father was an alcoholic) . I don’t want to even come near that slippery slope.
Taking my kids to Disneyworld means a lot to me. It’s not a shallow “keeping up with the Jones’s” thing either, it is a matter of pride (for one) and it is a matter of wanting to share with my children parts of my childhood that meant so much to me.
I figure I have a maximum of 3 years left to get this done and I have been feeling this pressure for the past 10 years. Each year something has happened where it cant be done. Whether it be jobs, job markets, deaths doesn’t matter. As nitebyrd put it once, I really pissed off some cosmic force.
So everyone check under your sofa cushions, look in the dryer vents and if you find an extra 6 grand just give me an email.
I will be right here.
Not like I am going anywhere.
mentally regurgitated by ZomBee