F.U. DR.

   

   Once again my disdain for the medical profession is reinforced.

Last Thursday I went to the Doc for my 6 month “how ya doin, gemme your money” checkup.

Blood pressure checked – 187/88 so that’s cool.

Doc comes in sits on his stool and pours over his laptop.

“Pain?”

“Yes” I say “I have a lot of bleed through pain but I just tough it out.”

“OK. I’ll write a script.”

“Insomnia?”

“Yes.” I say “all the time.”

“Fine, fine.. I’ll write a script.”

“Wait” I say “I don’t want to give up a whole day of my weekend to sleeping anymore!”

“Have you tried changing your sleep routine?”

…?..

This is the point where I check my reflection in the mirror to make sure I indeed do still look like me.

Yup. That is the troll I see in the mirror each day.

I look back at this doctor who has been “My Doctor” for the past 19 years.

“ I’m sorry. What?”

Maybe I have misheard. Why not? My hearing is crap from a youth spent around loud music and fireworks.

“Have you tried going to bed earlier?”

…huh?..

I am still nonplussed. I have suffered from 1 form of insomnia or another ever since I was in my teens. After 25+ years of trying every medical remedy and home therapy I am pretty sure that “going to bed earlier” had indeed crossed my mind once or twice.

I have discussed various remedies with this very man numerous times over the years and he has prescribed a myriad of potions and pills to no avail. I have tried everything, like burning the body’s’ energy until I was weak from fatigue and still lay there staring at the ceiling because my mind has decided to run around my skull like a 5 year old with a handful of pixie sticks and a bag of espresso beans. The brain just does not shut down like it is supposed to.

And yes I have adjusted my sleeping routine.

“um Yeah. I have a new schedule at work. So I have been adjusting to that, of course.” I reply immediately regretting my words as I have now given him an out.

“Fine, fine. OK great! Now roll over onto your stomach and let’s check your back”

“BUT!” I cry, trying to get out all the information I have been collecting to give to this professional

“ I feel ok until around Wednesday afternoon! I start to decline at that point! I shouldn’t be driving on Thursdays and Fridays! I fall asleep at work! I take a guarana, Green tea diet pill and a caffeine pill mixture in the morning just to get moving!”

“Oh. I will have to try that.”

Damn.

I lost him.

The rest goes by quickly through the normal procedures and a handful of scripts is thrust into my hand.

“Call if you need anything else” He says as I get up to go “and we will see you in 6 months.”

Yeah, ok.

6 months. Right.