Sunday, May 22, 2011

Fowl language:

I can still remember where and when I was when I said my 1st curse word (aww how cute)

I was at the movies with a buddy and my sister and her friend were sitting behind us.
Not sure what they were giggling and talking about but she was about 16 or 17 so that would have made me 14 or 15. (Yes. At any given time during any given day I cannot accurately tell you how old I am. 9 times out of 10 I am off by a year. I am quite retarded that way.)
Anyway she leans over and says something to the effect of “You don’t even cuss do you?”
There I was in crisis (HEY I was maybe 15 EVERYTHING is a crisis)
I was sitting there with my church buddy but my older sister, who I looked up to, was calling me out.
What to do?
Yes it was true. I was 15 and had never uttered a single word harsher then “sucks”. I was brought up to believe that even words like gosh, darn or golly were also too close to the forbidden words to utter.
The word crap was completely off the table.
I folded.
I caved.
“Fuck no. I don’t cuss.”
From there is was all down hill.
Now days, I am not one of those people that just have to punctuate their language with every other word being a crude 4 letter euphemism.
That’s not to say that I don’t use such language. I do and sometimes with alarming frequency.
I do think that cussing in itself is an acquired talent.
Anyone can toss a fuckdamnhellcuntbitchshit into their language with wild abandon. Doesn’t take any finesse at all just the ability to form the words with your mouth (and in some redneck cases barely that)
However the ability to know the correct time and place and which word would fit the most proper is a skill only brought about by time and use.
For instance:
Listen to any teenager who is trying to sound “grown up”. They toss these words about with a careless abandon. Like confetti they pepper their language with the crudest of words.
Why? I think shock value mostly.
That’s why I believe that if you remove the stigma attached to such words then they soon become commonplace enough to be able to leave the child’s vernacular sooner rather than later.
Like alcohol: remember before you turned 21 how desperate you were to score a beer or some fine grain whiskey?
Then after you turned 21 it soon lost it’s all shining appeal? Sure at first it was an overindulging backwash of all things drunkard but then it became so commonplace that it lost it’s luster and shine.

Sure you do run the risks of it becoming too commonplace and therefore an integral part of the thought process that is why you also set limits because every child needs limits.

For example:
The Girl : she is 15 and can toss the 4letter words about with careless abandon. She knows that I think of them as just words.
She is also well aware of my rules.
  1. A person cusses because their brain cannot come up with a better more suitable word. Think harder.
  2. Do not cuss around the grandparents. Different era, different rules.
  3. Do not cuss around the youngers. They look up to you and will mimic you.
  4. Do not drop the F-Bomb in my house. I am the King of this castle and that is my privilege alone.

The Boy : He is 13 and veritably saintly in his speech. Sure he does try to impress his sister but overall he chooses to not use such language.

Why bring this up?
My Girl and I love each other very much.
She is a daddy’s lil girl 110%.
We will verbally poke and prod at each other with comments such as
She: “hoe”
Me: “rake”
She: “shovel”
Me: “garden weasel”
“Why cant Girl go to the square dance? Cause they said HoDown and she hit the floor” – Ok yeah that’s an old one but she hasn’t heard it before so it’s new to her.
Anyway the other night we were sparring across the living room and I laid her out with an old one-two.
“Girl is a rooster-turkey” and made a turkey noise.
“yeah a real cock-gobbler.” OK that was lame I will admit. I had been at work all day and didn’t realize it was open mike night, so I had no A-material prepared.
She howled with laughter anyway.
That was just the setup though as I launched into part 2.
“What’s the difference between a rooster and Girl?’
“Rooster says cock a doodle doo and Girl says any cock will do”
She cried with laughter for the next 10 minutes.

Now when I was saying it I was rather hesitant because who wants to infer such thoughts upon their child but then I rethought it and I figured
I know her sense of humor.
It is a joke.
I know it is a joke.
She knows it is a joke.
One of the main elements of a joke is to bring out the absurd as a fact and embellish upon it.
So I went with it and was rewarded with hearing my Girl’s laughter.

However later that night she just had to tell her mother.
Wildcat doesn’t have that kind of a sense of humor.
I was immediately tossed into the doghouse for the duration of the night.

Still … it was worth it.

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