Friday, April 1, 2011

Rock ON

Let’s say the magic blue fairy flits through your open window, gives you the magic ruby red slippers and tells you “You have the power of Grey-skull!!”
Which, translated out of hippy blue fairy talk, this time it means you now have the innate ability to play the guitar 25% better then the best player in the whole universe?
So this means that if there just happens to be 8 armed cephalopod in the delta quadrant that can play the screaming monkey mandolin better then the Devil himself and his fiddle of gold, you could do better.

OK so now you are THE virtuoso.
Whatcha gonna do with it?
Sit in the basement and pinked away at a toy ukulele and sing for the neighbors cat?
OK, well if that makes you happy go for it.
However, the “correct” answer is

form the kickiest-assist band of all time!!”
(by the way your grammar sucks, you should look into this.)
So, who are the ultimate band mates of all time to create the world’s greatest music makers of all time?
OKOK so the previous was just a bad vehicle to get to creating a band of faves...

This would be my band.
  1. Drums – drums are easy. A spastic chimp can keep some kind of rhythm (if you play drums, I don’t apologize. You have a talent that I do not have. Making me worse off than a spastic chimp yet again.) I guess it would be either Don Henley or Tommy Lee. Why? Well for the most part because those are 2 drummers that come readily to mind and while I really dig the Eagles, I have seen Mr. Lee playing drums while spinning all tipsy-turvey in a roll-cage 100 feet off the stadium floor. Plus he seems like a really cool guy and if the band needs a party leader, who better.
  2. Bass guitar – Gonna be in a band then you either want to meet chicks and/or make money. If you wanna make money, then you want the guy who copyrighted the money sack emblem. Mr. Gene Simmons. However if you just want the chicks, man then you gotta pull in McCartney. He has enormous talent and a proven track record also, and more importantly, has a way to pull in the ladies from all generations. Paul (or Faul, if you believe that Paul is dead and was replaced by an imposter in 1969 by British secret service MI-5) also brings to the table a great history of lyrics
  3. Lead Guitar – EasyPeasy. Eddie VanHalen. Nuff said.
  4. 2nd Guitar – Well me of course!
  5. Lead SingerJim Morrison would be optimal but his drug use to overcome his shyness could get in the way. Michael Jackson would be great for the faster pop numbers, Elvis for the slower numbers and Johnny Cash for the ballads.
  6. KeyboardsBilly Joel is the piano man of course. Tony Bank from Genesis would be nice too.
  7. Background Vocals – Well here is where you can plug in just about everyone you can think of to stand behind you and harmonize with a random “yeah” and “baby”. 3 to 5 would be a good number so lets say...
    1. Christina Aguilera – Girl has pipes

    2. Bruce Willis – yeah. Well 80's Bruce Willis cause I like his “Return of Bruno” album
    3. Whitney Houston – early girl though cause she has pretty much killed the chords.
    4. Dean Martin – needs some male pattern sounds in there. I love me some Dino.
    5. Aretha Franklin – gotta have some soul in there.
As you can tell I really haven’t listened to any music what so ever since the 80's.
I just don’t care too much about it.
I think a lot of it stems from my near deafness due to mishaps when I was a lad. It all kinda ends up sounding the same to me.
                                                   Now what would be a good name...?

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Thrill me...dripsome brain droppings here.