You know that old saying that “God
doesn’t hit you with more than you can handle.”?
(ok I paraphrased,
just go with it.)
I am under the opinion that that is a
crock.
My life has been a series of beat
downs, disappointments, misery and despair.
I feel guilty about complaining about
all my tribulations because I know many people who have had so much
worse happen to them. Daddies die in the war, families ripped apart,
tornados ripping out people’s lives.
I feel bad for them I truly do but
this is my life. It’s the only one I have and it should be better
than this.
I try to count the good and focus on
that but the bad keeps rearing its ugly face.
My life should be, the one I want:
- leisure time with enough money to comfortably do what I wish.
(yeah
who doesn’t want this)
- The ability to spend my time with my family and focus solely on them.
(I
don’t want to be worrying about this boulder over my head and
albatross on my neck)
- A nice house in a nice neighborhood.
(nothing
fancy but something big enough to hold everything and be proud of)
- Drive a car from this century
(In
3 years my Taurus can be classified as an antique)
- Be able to send my children to the college of their choice.
(This
hurts the worse)
- To look forward to retirement.
(I’m
afraid I will either be dead or eating catfood in a van down by the
river.)
Instead I have exact opposites of all
of those
Literally and truthfully a complete
180. (180,181 whatever it takes)
I ask myself daily where did I turn
wrong.
Which deity did I piss off to get this?
And where in the world did I ever run
across a gypsy to curse me.
It has gotten to the point that, and
here I am not exaggerating, when an event comes down to 2 possible
outcomes. One being bliss and wonderful and the other being horrible
and woeful. I always start planning on how to come back from the
second because the first just doesn’t ever happen.
“Oh you are such a pessimist, look on
the bright side!”
No.
What you are saying to me is, if
someone is standing over you with a baseball bat and is repeatedly
thunking your skull you would have the presence of mind to stop and
think “well maybe this next one will feel like sunshine and
daisies.”
Yeah, not me
I’m just bracing for the next blow.