Damn linear time stream

Read this article the other day

Your kids not eating their fruits and veggies? Here's a simple trick that's been shown to increase consumption:

Well, one way seems to be to simply jazz up what they’re called. For example, instead of carrots how about offering "X-ray vision carrots"? When researchers tried that in five New York elementary schools, kids ate twice as many of Bug Bunny’s favorite food.

A second experiment at two more schools dealt with broccoli and green beans—two deeply unpopular items. But when renamed to "Tiny Tasty Tree Tops" and "Silly Dilly Green Beans," veggie consumption again doubled.

Made me think of when my buggers were small.

When Girl wouldn’t drink her milk I informed her that was GOOD! This was because it was really lizard eyeball juice and it would give her a tail like a lizard.

BOOM milk was gone. She gulped it down like it was an antidote and wiped her milk mustache away with a ear to ear grin.

Son wouldn’t eat his vegetables and no matter how much his mother and grandmother cajoled and threatened him not a single pea was making it past his lips.

I said GOOD! Because if you ate it, it would make you grow huge and green like the Hulk and then all your clothes would rip as you grew HUGE and strong and then we would have to move you outside before the house fell down.

BOOM. Vegetables were gone and my 4 year old starts strutting around flexing and bending as he feels his muscles expending to hulk size.

Not saying look at me I am a genius father who manipulated his children through falsehoods and appealing to their childish side.

What I am saying is

I miss that

Nowadays I just get the eye roll.

Or the “Daaaaaad….whatever”

Or worst of all…

The Ignore

Damn linear time stream