Monday, December 24, 2018

a shitty day

In your body you have pain receptors and when you take a painkiller, the medication goes to these receptors and shuts them off.
The problem is, is that you have the same receptors in your gut as you do in your brain and the medication does not have a way to discriminate as to which ones to shut off.
This is why extended use of any painkillers will slow down and stop your bowels.

They have created a medication now that goes to your guts receptors and turns them all back on.
What this does for me is every day for about the first three to four hours I have excessive bouts of diarrhea. I may have one or two normal logs but after that, it is just all liquid.
It can also be quite painful as my now woke intestines shake and pulse and pump to try and get all the waste out.

I learned the hard way when the proper time to take the medication was. I used to take it when I was getting ready for work, so about 6am, I would leave for work and by the time I arrived at 6:45 I would need to use the restroom.
However
Something changed one day
Everything was going just as normal and my wife and I were almost to her office to drop her off when I felt this overwhelming need to defecate.
Literally, "OH SHIT"
I clenched up and figured "Ok no big deal I will just need to go into her office and use their restroom"
Then it stopped, went away, the urge was gone just as quickly as it had come on.
" Ok..." I thought, "This was just a warning shot across the bow"
I was wrong. It was not a warning shot. It was an ambush!
I dropped my wife off and had gotten no more than 3 blocks away when the urge came back as a necessity.
This wasn't an "OH by the way" message I was getting
This was a "This is happening now with or without you" message
Its 630 in the morning in the middle of downtown
There is nothing open
There is nowhere to go
As I accelerate through the streets, trying to get to work as quickly as I could, I actually thought about pulling over and using the street. I knew the kind of liquid mess that I was dealing with and how long I would need to be sitting there in the middle of the street with my ass hanging out.
This was not an option.
I got to work and slammed the van into park right by the doors.
Awkward kind of a loping run to the doors and dash into the lobby
I am hurting now and using all my willpower to hold my sphincter tight
The building has no public bathrooms and my office is on the eighth floor
I figure I would get to the sixth floor, as that was the first bathroom I had access.
As the elevator slowly makes its way up the shaft, I get my first turtlehead poking out.
I am now dancing about the elevator in pain and... shock? No... anxiousness
I know now it is going to be a photo finish and as each floor goes by, I start to doubt my ability to win, place or show.
Finally, the doors go ding and slide open.
I take one-step out and immediately shit my pants
So now, here it is 6:45 in the morning
The day hasn't even started yet and I have already
Enduring agonizing pain
Broken a handful of traffic laws
Embarrassed myself beyond all measure
So with a resounding "NO" I long step it to the bathroom and strip as quickly as possible to finish this deluge of liquid shit exiting my body as if from a garden hose.
I think all the holding it in compiled with the mental anguish pretty much stuck it all at the door waiting to leave.
There were a few stragglers waiting to leave the establishment but it didn't take long to clear them out.
It didn't take long.
I cleaned up as best I could and wrapped up my soiled undergarments in toilet paper and tossed them in the dumpster on my way back to the van.
My day was over.
I went back home
Took a shower
Threw all my clothes in the washing machine
and called into work saying I was not going to be in that day


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Thrill me...dripsome brain droppings here.