Dad

You start to die the day you are born.
Its been going on since the first man ever walked the earth so its no surprise.
People die ever day.
There is an old joke where U2 is in concert and Bono has just finished giving a stirring rendition of ONE. The spotlight snaps to him and he starts a rythmic clap
CLAP pause CLAP pause CLAP
Then he says in a voice that fills the auditorium
"Every time I clap a child dies"
A voice from way back in the back yells out
    "THEN STOP CLAPPIN YA EVIL BASTARD!!"

anyway

11 years ago my superman died.
When you are young you dont even register that one day you wont have a mom or dad anymore.
To a kid they are the closest thing to a god that your little mind can fathom.
Your dad knows everything and he can do everything.
He is your idea of what a man is.

You get older and the world sneaks in and teaches you that your dad is human and he makes mistakes.
He is not perfect and you put the cape away because he is certainly no superman.
you grow up
but somewhere
way back in the back of your mind.
back in the corner.
Hidden behind the stack of every school paper ever
wedged between the incredible hulk lunchbox and the box of old 45s
is that one thought.
     "thats my daddy"
Its never lost its shine and there isn't a single speck of dust on it.
Its always there and it is a integral part of who you are.

I guess nowadays I should count myself as lucky to have had my dad in my life, lotta people don't get that.
I hope my children can appreciate that their daddy will always be there for them too
standing in the back
wedged between the spiderman backpack and a box of old pokemon cards


Thanks dad
     miss ya

Gypsy curse strikes again

Gee I know momma said there would be days like this but I seriously have not had a single bright point in my life since 2000.

I think there should be more to life then “well at least I am breathing”

People in comas breathe.

In just keeps getting worse and worse and darker and darker.

I’m not just complaining here to be complaining I am actively trying to find a way out of this swamp but as soon as I think I have found one something else jumps onto the pile forcing me deeper into the mud.

I try looking for the silver lining

I try looking for something good

        I guess I’m just missing it.

It sucks, at least to me it does, that all my woes could be solved with a suitable application of large sums of cash.    Makes me feel shallow and coated in failure.

I could be walking on sunshine right now if I just had enough money to remove this yoke.  For just the meager sum of $225,000.00 I could be free and clear and running smoothly

Maybe I just ought to write to Mr. Gates or Mr. Buffet and ask them for a handout. They are altruistic maybe they will take pity on me.

    I wouldn’t.

(I was going to list out all my new issues but it just made me too damn depressed)