Oh I gotta explain myself from a few days ago.
I have a temper. BAD temper.
I still remember the first time when this became apparent…
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I was but a young lad around the age of 5ish or so (under 10) when church had let out and off I dashed to go play with my church buddies outside. I was good during church so this was my “reward”!
Bad boys don’t get to do what they want to. Bad boys have to stay with in arms reach of their mothers.
Anyway.
I was running off down the middle aisle, thinking happy thoughts when this arm reaches out and snags me.
A friend of my moms
She really meant no harm, she was just playing around.
She tossed me over her knee and was going to “spank me”. again not for reals.
I freaking lost my shit.
Screaming yelling punching kicking thrashing about like a fish outta water. A really pissed off fish.
Finally my mom heard my screams and came over to find out what was going on.
There was this poor lady holding me down across her knee too scared now to let me up.
Horrified the lady looks at my mom and says “I was just playing around!”
“He doesn’t know that or care right now.” My mom replies “ I got him now let go and move fast.”
She did.
There I stood in the middle of the pews still having this satanic epileptic fit. Turning red, screaming, flailing all about.
Wet cat pissed off.
I literally could not see a thing it was all red and black. I was blind with fury.
My mom held my arms and tried to get me to shut up (or down either one)
Finally she had to give me a firm hard shake and almost yell
“ZOMBEE it’s mother.”
That cut through the anger straight to the disciplined core.
I calmed down
I settled down
I went out and played (I think?)
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That’s my major character flaw that I have had always to keep in check.
I think that is a very large reason as to why I am so easy going and so easy to get along with.
Shit just rolls off me like water off a duck.
It is VERY hard to ruffle my feathers and I most of life in stride.
The great and mighty cancer sticks help too. Honestly I am afraid I would be in jail by now without them.
They help cut the edges off.
While under the influence of “losing my shit” I have...
- While working in a retail warehouse I lept in the air and punched a huge dent in a steel playground slide.
- Threw a clipboard so hard it shattered into a billion pieces upon impact.
- Destroyed countless items of value or worth to me while trying to get myself under control and not hurting anyone around me.
- Head-butted my best friend at the time.
- Put my fist through a 2 by 4 in my room at my mothers house.
It is very rare for me to lose my temper and one of the scary things is I don’t make more noise when I get mad, I make less. I get real quiet. I don’t shout it out at all.
It’s the whole eye of the storm thing.
It is at that point I can either be pushed over the edge or given some time I can reel it all back in and unclench.
Well Monday I was not given that chance to unclench and I boiled over.
- Rough day at work. *Temper flare*
- His eyes are now worse then mine (and mine are bad AND 30 years older). +2 to temper
- His glasses cost $400 bucks. +1 to temper
- They took his glasses for 7 to 10 days to get them fitted. +3 to temper
- Once again my wife did not think it necessary to give me any of this information. +5 to temper
- I had to learn it all 2nd hand as she and my mom-in-law discussed it. +5 to temper.
- Shouting match with Mom-in-law. +3 to temper
*Houston we have lost our shit.*
As you may have then read earlier I did try to calm down by dropping some words down on the blog.
It helped. a bit.
It distracted me which then allows me a chance to not dwell and to chillax.
And that, as they say, is that.
Unbridled rage isn't a good thing. You've done well in being able to cope and redirect it. Although, maybe a head-butt to MIL would have dispersed it much quicker. ;)
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