This is pretty disgusting but this is also something no one else in the world knows.
You have been warned.
SURPRISE! I do dumb stuff sometimes.
Imagine that.
I
have done some inane stunts in my lifetime. From rolling cars to
shitting in a public trashcan but one of the dumbest things I ever did
was lick an elevator.
Yes,
that is not a typo (even though I cannot begin to tell which word I could
have been misspelled to mistake this particular phrase)
I worked for a big aviation firm in an office setting.
I hated my job.
It was mind-numbingly boring and there was nothing resembling any sort of training.
It was literally this is how you do this and now here is your PC and phone.
GO!
I went into work one day despondent as usual. I was in a dark funk anyway as my father had recently passed.
I climbed into the great glass and brass elevator to head up to the third floor.
Standing there hating life and everything around me I noticed the gleaming brass wall next to the elevator buttons.
On impulse I leaned over and just ran my tongue up the length of it
Yup, that’s gross.
That’s gross.
I am well aware of how gross that is.
I didn’t care.
To be honest it was my lil act of terroism. I had no way to get back at “the man” so I decided to slime the lift. Like I said spur of the moment. Not even really a decision I just...did it.
In my impotent rage, my only way to rage against the machine was the liberal application of my saliva.
Not proud of it. Like I said I was already in a dark hole.
In fact, didn’t even think about it again until the next morning when I woke with a sore throat.
Which kept me home as it kept getting redder and hotter
Guess who had strep throat.
A right noxious case of it as well.
Laid me out for four days.
Therefore, boys and girls, take it from me as a voice of knowledge
No
matter how much you hate your current position it is always better to
change your position then it is to lick public transportation.
Thats the PSA for today.
ZOMBEE
